New life.

I've been thinking a lot.
Too much?
Maybe.

mainly of my life where i'm going from here on in
Hell as long as i stay safe I guess it don't matter but why is it that we take risk's at a young age? I mean don't we ever remember that were human and were eventually gunna grow old.
 I've been thinking on if I'll ever get married or maybe someday settle down.
Sometime's I think too far ahead.
Scary.

It's officially summer with the hot muggy weather now giving my family a new reason to wine(funny actually they complained it was too cold and wasn't warming up fast enough and BAM beautiful hot day and they complain it's too hot. Guess its hard to adjust from winter jackets to summer shorts in a one day timespan)
I've been spending a lot of time on the roof, just staring out into the ocean wondering if I ran where on earth I would go, how far i would go, and if I could do it.
Can I do it? will I do it? well eventually, It seems so exciting get away stay away be free even for a day, until the real world hits down on you after awhile. I mean i'm 16, no steady job, no cash, no mode of transportation(excluding feet and bike) then it get's dark out and Slenderman is out there waiting and his little minions too, there all waiting.

The leaves are coming out, all of them are so beautiful this was her favorite time of the year, Jessica loved running around and looking at the leaves and the pussy willows.
I always had to remind her not to pick them because they were just about to give new life.
The dandelions are all blooming too the bright yellow flowers everyone call's weed's.
I picked a batch, there in my bedroom in a small vase.
I know there going to die soon, that makes mii sad.

Lately I've just wanted to sleep, thats all just sleep get up eat a little then go back to sleep.
It's very strange actually I never get like this, I ran at 6 this morning then came home and slept till 7:30 thats only 15 minutes for mii to get ready.

Not that I really gave a bloody hell, I just got on some clean clothing, did my makeup put on something so I wouldn't smell of sweat and got on the bus.
I won't talk to my friends there all too lovey dovey in with there boyfriends and girlfriends, I can't stand to think of having a relationship right now, last thing I need it to get someone else tangled in this mess.

And if they didn't get tangled I would need someone who A] would mind me and my emotional issues and B] wouldn't mind running away with mii.

It's really kind of a burden, that why I choose not to work with anyone.
Fear I'll just become a burden.

I had a dream last night, I saw Jessica she reached out her hand and when I took it she gave me a hug and said 'It's ok, I'm not in pain anymore, just go, keep going and don't stop, this will be the last time you see me but don't give up, you are what will keep my memory alive..because you are the only one who remembers me'

She smiled even though she was crying.
'I'll still watch you, like I promised just not under the stars'.

I woke up I felt calm and at peace.
but I know.
Slenderman, you will pay for taking my Jessica away from mii.
Hear that?
I hope so because when I get a hold of you you'll wish that you didn't lay one finger on her.
as for your little proxies and followers, I'll get rid of you too, one by one.

With hope

-I_L