I've looked through old family photographs and video's.
Large chunks of all my homemade videos are missing or distorted.
Why is whoever took her so deemed on destroying her existence?
I remember when I asked her what she wanted to be and how she told me that she wanted to become a motivational speaker.
'Well why that of all things Jess?'
'That way I can make people learn to love life! I want to make people happy'
She always though of others before herself.
'Melissa you'll come to all my talks right? When I grow up you'll be there cheering me on right?'
'Of course, I'll be there every talk even if I have to walk there and when I get old I'll be here for you forever I promise'
'You'll always be here to protect me?'
'Yes I promise just call me when you need me'
'What if I hold a talk on the moon?'
'I'll grow wings and fly there!'
She laughed
'Big Cousin you can't fly! Thats just silly'
'Yeah I guess I can't but I'll try..now eat your ice cream before aunty find's out I gave you sweet's before lunch'
I wasn't there..I wasn't there to protect her...I lied.
Now she's gone.
I'm scared of loosing her from my own memory, If I do this blog, these post are the only thing that will keep her alive.
--
Innocence is beautiful
Like the first blooming flower
everyone calls it a weed
And yet eagerly you pick a small bouquet
And hand them to me
To you these yellow flowers
Are the most beautiful creation
You had yet to learn
That they were ugly to most eyes
Even then I could see you asking me why
Why could they not see it like you see it
Why they destroyed it and never gave it a chance.
You told me you wanted a small field filled with them.
So when they turned white you could blow there seed's and watch them be free.
So you could let them be given a chance, even if it was only a small one.
And I smiled as we sat on the swings and you told me your life plans.
How you would grow up, who you would marry, your little house in the field of dandelions.
You mentioned how the sun would set the field into a golden sea and your children's names.
You mentioned how you wanted me in your life and took my hand and made me pinky swear that I would stand by you and protect you.
And I did so happily.
Then when the stars came out you asked me about angels and if they were watching over us.
You asked so many questions, you wanted to know so much.
Half the time I couldn't answer you.
You then fell silent.
And you told me.
That no matter how far we are, you would be watching over me too
I asked tearfully how
And you smiled and told me you could because we were under the same sky and the same stars.
And how we would never be alone as long as we were together.
-I_L
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