Friday, 23 December 2011

Not yet forgotten

I remember how the skies were painted a delicate sky blue, I remember laying on the solid green grass, the earth beneath me and the truth was nothing could stop me I probably would have wanted to fly if I knew that I wasn’t so planted to the ground.

I remember watching the birds, there white wings cutting through the air, I remember being 13. The way the warm summer air caressed my hair and found its way under my shirt to warm and tickled my body.

Where is that innocence? That beauty what I once saw, where did it go? I had a dream during it was of that blue sky only this time I was flying.

“Dammit!” I cried out, why dammit? Why did I cry out that? Lullaby came rushing in she turned her head and her black hair bounced slighting.

“Mommy OK?” she asked, she only started speaking and everything that exits her tiny little pink lips is sweet sounding and relaxes you, her innocence is…outstanding.  

“Yes mommy’s ok Lullaby go play”

The young child cocked her head slightly, she didn’t believe me. “Sure?” she asked again, this time I nodded and smiled.

It’s hard to keep up with Lullaby I’m tired all the time and lately I feel so alone, she watched the trees a lot. She will sit on the ground and watch the tree tops sway back and forth with a mystified look in her small eyes almost as if there’s something up there we cant see.

And recently  I’m living on a single thought, ‘protect’. What though? What am I to protect could it be Lullaby? Shady?  The Haven? Myself? It’s been driving me crazy and I’m so tired, I’m tempted to abandon this stupid piece of work and give up on Lullaby and just….

Just go away.

I could smack myself sometimes you know? It’s almost Christmas as well, secretly I went into town and bought Lullaby something, it’s a small necklace with a silvery blue round charm on it.

I won’t give it to her yet though, not yet, not until she’s a little older.

I have hopes Lullaby, My precious Lullaby that you will one day reach a new height, can’t you feel it? The warm breeze calling to you, you will find it and embrace it. Lullaby I know you will love the feel of it as it caresses your black hair and when it drives through the cracks of your fingers. You’ll love the touch of the cool water as it swarms around your feet and the sounds of the seagulls crying out.

Lullaby my hope is that you will live in a beautiful home next to the ocean, where the sun’s rays crawl over the blue ocean dying it a golden colour, its true you may never have a field of dandelion’s that make a sea. But if you’re lucky maybe I can give you a sea that looks like a field of dandelion’s.

Lullaby I love you and I can swear, some days you say:

‘I love you too mommy’  

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Visitor in the woods

Lullaby was walking around inside the border; I am amazed at how fast my baby girl is growing. I don’t know what a normal growth is but I don’t think this one is.

The wind blew harshly and it caressed my hair, Lullaby walked up to be and kissed my forehead smiling and laughing. But still she won’t talk; she responds to her name well I call it out ‘Lullaby’ and she runs towards me.

Mr.Sunshine was wandering around outside and so were the masc. Even so without Shady and Trina and Mystery and even Lucas it didn’t feel like home…I didn’t know if I could let Lullaby grow up here, even with the wards she would still wander into slenderman or one of his proxies.

“DeMii” I looked over my shoulder as Brood called my name; he motioned for me to come towards him. “Lullaby mommy will be right back.”

As I stood up Lullaby wanted to follow, she waddled towards me clumsy as can come her dress wavered in the wind showing her socked feet.

“Lullaby mommy will be right back” I whispered patting her head, she blinked looking at me with her soft hazel eyes, she didn’t understand why I was leaving her and she seemed upset by it as she gripped my hand.

“Unn Unn” she said over and over, lullaby never seemed to speak only make noises. Still reluctantly she let go and wandered off.  Within moments after reaching Brood I turned to see someone grab my baby. “Lullaby!” I cried out running towards my child, her long black hair curled in the now spine chilling wind that seemed to sway the trees.

“Yes?” I asked, the wind seemed cooler over here I noticed there was less protection from the haven.
“Its about Lullaby…” I could feel my heart race, in a way it almost sank.

I swallowed and prepared to speak, “Yes? What about Lullaby” I asked curiously.

“Havnt you noticed? Her growth is in a way almost unexplainable, I don’t want to alarm anyone else but it seems abnormal…”

The weirdest part was, I had noticed, I didn’t know what was normal though but thinking about it lullaby was already able to wabble her way around the haven.

I nodded firmly, “yes ive noticed that…” I said a bit unsure still of what Brood was getting at.

“I want to be sure you and her stay safe” “Understood now if you don’t mind I have to go back and make sure she dose not do something that would cause harm.

I turned around to see Lullaby being held by someone at the edge of the ward. “Mommy!” She cried out I couldn’t tell who was with her but it was at the wards edge, I managed to run closer and closer feeling my heart stop entirely.

I remember… that figure. He held out his arms, handing Lullaby back to me, I took Lullaby back into my arms, no struggle could he have been protecting lullaby?

“Mommy!” Lullaby yelled holding onto me tightly I could feel tears streaming down her face. ”Mommy! Scared!” She started crying into my neck.

I couldn’t understand why was he protecting Lullaby? He looked at me then walked off, what was a supposed to say?

I brought Lullaby back into the haven and put her down for a nap

I never wanted lullaby to say the words scared…could I not protect her right, I’m a bad mother I should have brought her with me.

Monday, 28 November 2011


I took Lullaby out for a walk, the air was chilly maybe a bit too much for Lullaby, but we needed to go out. It’s been awhile since Lullaby got fresh air and Doc…. Goddamit is all I can really say. Am I going to make this a drama show on how the father leaves the mother and leaves nothing but for the mother to use her entire life raising the child? No, in fact I’ll raise Lullaby perfectly fine on my own.

Also I want to keep her safe, safe from HIM the slenderman, if I can keep Lullaby safe from even just him im a good mother. No person should have to go through dealing with the slenderman. The being who drove me and her into this madness, proxies, mind controlled beings…this has to stop, we have to beat it for our children or friends our family.

Lullaby made a small noise, not like she was speaking, but she was excited as she pointed towards the ground. I looked down to see what the fuss was about there on the ground was a cat. Lullaby was getting very excited.

A cat? Really? I was more concerned on finding Doc, the problem is I don’t know where to look, I would check his blog but in a way I’m too scared of what I would find. Now that I think of it this whole commotion is my fault and lullaby? Lullaby was looking at me, strictly, unwaveringly in the eyes. “What’s wrong?” I said in my motherly voice, nothing changed, the cat was still there, her eyes never left mine. “Lullaby?”  I didn’t know if it was lack of rest or lack of food but I suddenly became dizzy.

‘down’ I slowly lowered myself to the ground, on my knees holding lullaby. Clenching in pain I heard the childlike voice in my head again ‘kitty’. The cat ran up towards us and rubbed its head against lullaby and she sounded so pleased.

‘kitty…’  Lullaby reach out and petted it. ‘such a pretty kitty’ lullaby was happy the pain ceased and slowly I was able to get up. My baby was starting to get fussy maybe a mixture of the cold and the fact that Lullaby has not been sleeping right I fed her and put her back in her crib.

The only thing I can do to relax myself is read how others are doing, but even that not makes me depressed things have been going things are becoming missing. I heard my pocket watch tick, maybe I could message Lucas tell him how baby Lullaby is, how I am…

Then again, can messages reach heaven?

I don’t think I cried so hard in a long time, one of my close friends has died, this is a world with slenderman after all what else can we expect I won’t be surprised if Lullaby grows up in this world. I want to teach her how to survive, and for god’s sake if I can’t teach her maybe someone else can maybe an Angel.
Goddammit how do I keep my faith like this?! I finally got some sleep and all I can dream about is the snow and an angel holding my Lullaby, Please God don’t take away my Lullaby…..

Shes all I have left.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Lullaby and happiness?

Lullaby was falling asleep, her eyes slowly closing, making small motions with her tiny lips small bubbles forming, her tiny hands reaching around touching my face.

I put her in the crib to sleep, she was so peaceful breathing in softly, her chest moving slowly, its been awhile since ive updated I’m sorry baby lullaby is so quiet it scares me, I sat by her crib rocking it softly.

“Lay down you head and ill sing you a lullaby, and ill sing you to sleep, bless you with love for the road that you go…”

I got up slowly, my white skirt falling to my ankles, I wrapped my black sweater tightly around my bare arms. She really is beautiful Mystery, I wish you could see her so delicate and small, next thing I know im running.

Blindly running, through the woods, the branches ripping at my clothing, at my skin, I can’t even remember from what all I remember is a voice in my head telling me to run.

I remember the ground crunching under me, forming around my foot and how I twisted my ankle and started to fall, my chest hitting the ground so hard I forgot how to breathe.

When I woke up it was pitch black, I was lost, and it was cold. The cold stabbed me on my bare skin over and over and over its knife gliding over me slicing my bare skin.

All I saw was the darkness, all I could think about was lullaby she would be awake by now, probably crying, but that was the odd thing, Lullaby never cried since her birth, now she just watches you almost as if she sees something.

It’s so weird; you could walk by her crib, make the loudest noise, or wake her up and she will just stare at you, never cry never want to be lifted or fed she just stared at you. I think she smiled once, when she saw a kitten….that was the only time.

I managed to wander back, feeling my way throughout the forest, upon my return I stumbled into the bedroom, lullaby turned her head at the sound of my entrance and stared at me she reached her hand out.

She was hungry.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011


So much has happened, so much.

One day before baby Lullaby's birth, my fathers body was dragged from the woods, this caued me great panic.

A proper burial, my father would never meet his beloved grandaughter.

Baby lullaby has been born, healty, beautiful, she never cried at first, I got scared babys should cry right? It didnt take long before she did cry, her tiny blue eyes leaked clear tears.

Her small hands clenched and unclenched swiftly and she was wrapped up quickly. Once in my arms she stopped, looked up at me, her tiny lips pressed against each other, small blond hairs.

She was beautiful.

And she fell asleep.

Could I kill what I have created?

Mystery is gone....she, I wanted her to hold baby Lullaby once before she left. I remember she gave me a kiss on my forhead, it was soft, it seemed Non-existance.

I made her the godmother of little Lullaby.

I wish I could have told her that she was, I'm sure she would have been so happy....

I wish you the best, please dont forget us.

Trina and Shady, your both aunts now.

Doc, your a father.

And I'm a mother.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

I love you

I know what happened between Lullaby and I may seem a bit confusing, I’ll explain in as simply as I can. 

From the beginning until a few days ago, Lullaby was writing, it was not me, Lullaby was writing the blog entries, Lullaby was the one who meet you all, Lullaby was the one running. I was, as you know me as, Dollmaker, DM, guess it may be confusing as DM has always stood for DeMii, too bad Lullaby could not remember that and had to give me a name like Dollmaker. And now I’m back, now it’s DeMii.

I thought maybe I should clear it up.

My baby is kicking now, I found out that it really is a girl, my baby’s a girl.

Doc has been my main comfort, and that’s all I’ve been around with, just him, I want to comfort him more so then anyone. I wish we could cuddle, but my belly is contently getting in the way, stupid belly. I want my baby, Lullaby, to have a great life.

I walked in with Doc after having lunch, I didn’t even say anything I just grabbed onto his hand and squeezed tightly. Slender man, Slender man, Slender man. I’m allowed to be angry if he hurts anyone I’ll..I’ll, I fight with my bare hands and kill him.

Kill him? What am I saying? I’m only a human the most I can do right now is protect the ones I love from that monster. Doc I want to protect you I love you so much, I know this all is scary, but I’m here.

“I love you…you know that right?”


“You know I will always love you, no matter what, right?”

He smiled and held me tightly, and I smiled as softly as I could and kissed him, Doc I want to be here to comfort you forever. But even I know forever is impossible, just something we say because some of us think were invincible.

But I will love you until I die, I promise you that.

I stayed with him all day, my hand never left his, I wanted to make sure he knew I was here for him. No matter what he thinks, even if he goes crazy, even if he thinks he’s insane and don’t want me no more….

I’m still going to be here.

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

/Coming Clean\

I guess I should come clean, I really should, and this will probably kill me if I don’t. Mystery, Shady, Doc, Trinity, Tim, Lucas, everyone please listen.

I lied.

I’m not Lullaby, I played as her, I played the part good did I not? You all believed me, it was blissful. You all know me as a ‘monster’ or ‘something evil’, I assure you I am not please don’t fear me, let me explain my story.

I am Dollmaker.

I am the original I guess you may call it ‘owner’ of this body; well the young lady you all know as Lullaby was and still is in fact the proxy. At 11 Lullaby’s powers became so overwhelming that she could not hold it back and would take control of my body at random times and even without her consent she would kill innocent people. She was generally a dormant proxy only coming out to protect me; slowly she became very hostile and would just come out for blood.

Gradually she gained more and more control and was soon able to hold control for weeks on end, I can’t remember what happened, I just remember HIM, the slenderman standing there pointing at us, pointing at me.

I was dormit for a long time, lullaby had been switched with me, but had lost all memories of her proxy like state. There is a difference between being asleep and being dormant, well dormant I am awake I see, feel, touch, smell everything she does, the only thing is I rarely did anything about it. A new power surged within me I had everything lullaby couldn’t deal with, it was overwhelming, un controllable somehow I was able to hold it back keep it at a low level.

Until recently, those attacks were not of me, they were truly just of Lullaby’s power unable to hold it back like a bloodthirsty demonic creature it would lash out and find someone, anyone worth killing and to it everyone was worth killing.

It’s hard to explain the unspeakable evil that it was, that it still is, like pure darkness, darkness not even the brightest light can cut through, it’s the darkness that whispers to you that calls to you it’s the fear it’s the hate the envy the rage that flows from within you.

And Lullaby couldn’t hold it back, and I couldn’t hold it back. And that’s what proxy’s were trying to do, was kill her so nothing bad would come of this, but bad things did come of this, innocent people were killed and hurt, there are so much more people that were killed that only I know of:





The numbers stayed steady once Mystery put me into a doll. The only problem, Mystery, is that once you did that her powers were not able to stay inside the tiny body you had given me, and so slowly, ever so slowly they leaked out back into Lullaby’s mind, she had dreams and visions of things of her past of everything she had done and most of all of her past life.

So was so scared to tell you. But when you suffer nightmares like she did would you not to be scared?
I have decided to name my child Lullaby, it is her, it is Lullaby inside me.

I’m hoping to make things right.

I want things to be ok.

Sunday, 2 October 2011

a nightmare, my nightmare

I feel so bad.

Am I the one causing Mystery this much trouble? I am so sorry, so very sorry Mystery. The men, the MASC men keep trying to make me come to the medical wing alone, they offer Mystery money so she can buy food for me and tell her to stay home well I go alone.

Finally, I realized how stressful I am being on Mystery. “Mystery, please stay home and rest, I’ll go alone this time don’t worry my dear I’ll be fine”  she was going to object, I could see it in her eyes but I smiled cheerfully, “it’s just a check-up nothing big I’ll tell you exactly how the baby is doing”.

“I’ll go buy some food..” she said I frowned upon her choice, I wanted her dearly to stay home and relax, all 
I’ve been doing is sleeping and eating from now on I’ll help her more I hate feeling useless. I did go alone, now without Mystery’s hand to hold I inched my way into the wing.

A few MASC men stood there staring at me I became scared, this wasn’t a friendly stare, “Hello Lullaby” I felt a swift movement from my stomach, like butterflies, could it be my baby? “Good day” I replied, “Were not going to do anything different a simple check-up OK?” I nodded and followed them to the table.

It really was just another check-up, they decided to do another ultrasound too, I wasn’t sure why but I never really did like the ultrasounds it’s not that they hurt I was just not happy about them. 
“Oh do you see this?” 
“Yeah, it doesn’t look good” 
“Maybe we should?” 
“Do you think she’ll like the idea?” 
“Probably not but for her safety”. I looked back and forth between the voices. 

“Lullaby can you sit up?” I nodded and slowly got up.

“We need to do an abortion..” A WHAT? This is a joke right, a sick joke. “Y-your kidding right?” I stuttered my voice was hitched in my lungs when they answered.

“No, if you give birth we have determined you will die, even now the… CHILD is taking everything from you” I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t see tears stung every part of my body.

No. No. No. “No” I said firmly, quickly, fluently. “I will die with this child if I have to, there is no way you are hurting a part of me” The men looked among one and other then quickly walked up and grabbed me roughly, it hurt, it hurt, it still hurts, they left bruises on my arms.

“Lullaby your child is deformed, really you have no choice, it might be born dead at this rate…” then they forced me onto the table, I tried to protest kicking, crying, screaming. I shouldn't have come alone, I shouldn't have come alone. I bit one of the MASC members and ran towards the door. Something was driving me, I only made it halfway down the hall before another member grabbed onto me again, dragging me back.

“MYSTERY! CASEY! SHADY! SOMEONE!” I screamed and fought and cried and protested until I couldn't anymore, until my body became numb, and all my senses were fading.

“I want to talk to Casey, I want to talk to the baby’s father..” they looked among one and other, they couldn’t object. As I entered Casey’s room I shut the door and looked at him. “They want me to abort Doc..I can’t they will force me, I can’t, I won’t not my baby not our baby…”

His eyes widened when he heard that they wanted me to abort

“Please don’t let them hurt me..” I whimpered he looked around the room and asked me to grab the phone that was located a bit away from him.

He dialled a number and started talking, sounding rushed he spoke quickly: “Something, wrong, hurry, help, MA-“ “Hello?Hello?” He looked at me, with eyes that were trying to speak for him.

They cut the phone lines, “Hey Lullaby are you ready?” I grabbed his hand and shook my head violently; he gripped back and smiled reassuringly.

“I won’t let them”. They walked in and looked at us. “It’s not going to happen…” Casey said watching me and carefully.

"If you touch her or the child, I will rip every nerve from your body." I smiled he was so defensive I was so happy. 
“A injured man is going to stop us? I can’t wait to see this” I looked at them angrily. 
“Hey shut your mouth!” I yelled back, they walked up and grabbed me forcefully again; I was so scared of them hurting the baby.

Casey gripped me tighter refusing to let go, he held on because as of now my life depended on it, “Lullaby…” he whispered “..I won’t let you go”. He got up standing in front of me and pushing the men off glaring at them.

This fight continued for half an hour we struggled and fought and pulled and yelled, finally they managed to drag me away from Casey, not without protest though. We made it to the operation room again.

I don’t want to see no more, I don’t want to feel no more, I don’t want this anymore, please make this stop. I closed my eyes tightly, I wanted this all to end.

I heard the doors fling open, and someone walk in, it was Mystery? She didn’t seem happy I could feel tension in the air, tension.

“Get your goddamn fucking hands off her now!” she yelled a few lights in the room blew out and the sparks flew around the room, MASC men pulled back, even I flinched a bit. Mystery grabbed my hand, softer, kinder, despite her anger.

I passed out shortly after, when I awoke I was in my bed, could it have all been a dream? Mystery walked in with sandwiches, “Lullaby how are you feeling?” that name it felt unreal, as if it didn’t belong to me.

“I’m good, just hungry” slowly I grabbed a sandwich and started eating.

The truth is I cant tell if I’m hungry or not anymore.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

His breathing was so soft on my face, it ticked but was warm and inviting, I curled closer into Casey and let out my own inviting breath. It was so late, my stomach was killing me, and I could not sleep even with Casey 
right beside me. I went out to get food, I assumed everyone would be sleeping.

I assumed wrong.

As I was collecting cookies I heard footsteps, I turned sharply dropping the cookie that was in my mouth to see a MASC member standing there with a smirk. “No wonder you’re so fat, all you do is eat” Naturally I became upset.

Doc was standing right behind him and tapped his shoulder, had he heard everything? His fist whistled through the air landing correctly against the MASC members face, I ran into the corner and curled up.

Through the darkness I could not see the movements only hear the sound of something breaking and someone crying out. Casey grabbed my hand and I held onto the cookies tighter he sat me on the bed and softly kissed my forehead. “I need a walk” he whispered silently into my ear and left me sitting there with my cookies.

In that one moment, I never felt so….


Please don’t do anything stupid love.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011


Doc, I may love you.

I don’t know if I have a firm reason to believe this yet but something in my heart is telling me that I need to help you.

And I feel bad that all I could do was comfort you, but I want to help you so much more, I’m just scared something is wrong with me. I’ve been a lot hungrier, I hate to admit it but I’m sneaking food from the kitchen, I’m terrified the MASC will see me and try to take away my food.

“Casey...I need you to look at this” I pulled him aside for a moment; I know he’s going through a rough time but he needs to see this.

I pulled up my shirt just above my ribs, my stomach was pushed out a bit like a budge, and I hate to describe it because I think it looks horrible. Doc softly put his hand on my stomach and looked at me softly, “Lullaby we need to get an ultrasound or something, this is not normal” I felt so bad, the truth I had never had a relationship with anyone but Doc, I bit my lip softly. I had to ask  

Mystery or Shady or someone, just to make sure that I’m not eating too much, even so I believe Doc fully and grabbed his hand tightly and hugged him and all I could do was cry.

That’s all just cry, every part of me broke down everything was happening to fast for me even the world I once knew was crashing before my very eyes, but I think that was just me as I blacked out. When I woke up in bed I pulled the sheets above my chin and curled up.

Casey was sitting at the foot of the bed rubbing my legs, I smiled softly he was too kind to me. “Tomorrow, maybe Friday we’ll go to the doctor’s I have money to pay if needed, we can get an ultrasound”

At this point nothing mattered, all I knew was Doc and me, and we had to stay with each other no matter what.

Casey I think I love you.

I’m sorry.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011


I, honestly, have no idea where to start. So much has happened, and I do not wish to make seven pages full of nonsense that would bore you.

So I will start here: We were attacked, in such a brutal and forceful way that it scared me to watch it, yet enraged me in such a way I wanted to move I wanted to go in and attack. Fear held me in place, like a force grabbing me by my ankles forcing me to watch this happen to my friends.

How dare this man enter our home, our haven, and cause destruction.

The man, he noticed me and he moved so fast I couldn’t do anything, his hands wrapped around my neck bringing me down onto his knee. If even for a moment I cannot forget that pain, my left three ribs are broken, it hurts to breath.

Dollmaker, he burned her tiny body, the same flames ran through my body, this was not the warming effect that you would think it was a burning, a stinging pain under my skin the kind you can’t just put out. I remember just lying in the wall, my chest stinging with pain the world was a blur as the tears streamed from my eyes.

I remember hearing his footsteps pass me; I couldn’t give up like this I had to fight…

…so I moved, I moved so quickly, my feet hit the floor and although I felt as if I would topple over to one side I knew I had to keep moving.

And In an instant he was gone, where?  If only this question had been answered in another way, but it was not and the lamp post it impaled me so quickly I lost my breath. I lost all sense of time, of the place I was in of everything and I choked violently on a foul liquid as the object was removed.

The liquid was my own blood mixed with my saliva, a foul taste that to as of now still lingers in my mouth.

The rest was darkness, a darkness that felt so real I could touch it, I could taste it as if I could breathe it in and it was killing me slowly.

Unless I was already dead, and this was it an empty space for the rest of eternity.

Seeing the light was more terrifying, I have always heard about ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ when someone is dying how they see a bright light.

This light was different someone gently taking me moving Dollmaker and myself into another dark area, this had more room, more breathing space.

It hit me, was Dollmaker OK? That glass could have cut the bean, no, the bean was whole but the hole would have let it escape it needed a safer place.

Mystery, Shady, Trina. I’m sorry.

I swallowed the bean.

It didn’t seem to do anything at first, but the thin skin of it broke releasing the proxy powers of Dollmaker.
She seems dormant, it’s weird having her inside me that power I once had is back, yet nothing has changed 
I’m still me, and I still have all my old memories.

Well In the basement it was dark, I tried to remember my clock in my bedroom at home it’s ticking relaxed me in times like this. Tapping my foot softly on the ground I tried desperately to imitate it, tick, tick, tick, tick; Nothing just the empty feeling you get when you know your alone.

Not even Dollmakers mutilated body offered me comfort, maybe because it wasn’t speaking, it wasn’t moving, no actions indicating life ever existed in the tiny figure, the torso had been ripped open exposing the cotton inside, the thread from the left arm had come undone the fabric laid there without any support, the cotton from inside must have leaked out as we ran to where ever I am, both legs and the ‘waist’ were burnt.

A door from somewhere opened, and I curled up, the actions of cramming myself into a tiny ball hurt so much, the wound from my stomach re-opened and bleed slowly, as well as my broken ribs.

The lights flicked on, the brightness blinded me for a moment once I regained my vision I saw a young man standing there.

Whoever it was slowly took my hand promised me he meant no harm, I believed him wholeheartedly, slowly, almost unwillingly I uncurled my body; the blood from my wounds had already stained the floor.

“That looks bad” he said noticing the cut through the ripped fabric of my shirt, now looking down back was bad the cut was still leaking blood if I moved too fast. He comforted me, rubbing my arm’s checking a few things, one of which included my ribs, I cried out in pain when he ran his fingers over the broken ones.

“You got beat up pretty bad didn’t you?” he asked taking out a few things, I didn’t know what to say.

“Yes” my voice sounded so soft, it was almost unfamiliar to even myself, he turned around and got to work cleaning my cuts and scrapes, tending to my broken ribs carefully.

“What’s your name?”


“What a beautiful name”

“Why thank you, may I ask what your name is?”

“Just call me Doc”

Doc, I liked it, he sat beside me and we got to talking, this took my mind far away from the pain to a happier place. After all that has happened I didn’t know if happiness could happen again.

I couldn’t remember what action to take, maybe a smile next a laugh, silence, move my hand into his nothing big. He followed what seems to be the same actions a smile, a grin, a word of comfort, a laugh; in my silence he moved my hair, and then he squeezed my hand.

Nothing big right?

Just nothing big.

Nothing big.

Next thing I know me and him are gripping each other tightly running blindly through the woods where were we headed? Somewhere I remember faintly a place that we called the haven the place where I was buried and left for dead.

A placed called home, where the people I knew and the people who cared about me must be there has to be someone home Mystery? Shady? Trinity? Anyone?

I couldn’t understand why I was driven by something as foolish as this emotion, stupid, foolish, pathetic. Almost like Doc could see me fighting myself, he squeezed my hand tightly.

And we fell upon it, upon the haven, upon my home, my family.

“I’m home…” I cried out.

I wish only that the post could have ended there, sadly I heard a click so distinctive I froze up, fear for my life and fear for Doc kicked in.

Put down those damn guns before I feed them to you. Mystery’s voice it rang softly through my ears, although her tone was much less than happy.

Shady and Sunshine were in the back, watching carefully. I ran up hugging Mystery tightly tears streamed from my eyes, I missed her, I missed them all, I never wanted to leave again, and I wanted to die here.

Then men lowered the guns and stepped back.

Mystery, Shady, everyone…where do I start?

Thursday, 25 August 2011


Ah I really enjoyed yesterday, I did Lucas-kun's makeup He looked so adorable, I asked him first of course! He said sure and I rushed out to get my bag which of course was holding all my makeup.

When I entered my bedroom I saw Dollmaker sitting near the window looking at the sky, she hasn't spoken to me since that evening, kinda of un-nerving.

I returned quickly with all the makeup I owned and got to work on Lucas, he was really good with me, he sat still, raised his head, lowered his head, shut his eyes, I made sure to make him look nice. Trina popped in shortly after, when she saw me doing Lucas' makeup she asked if I could do hers, when I was done with Lucas I went straight to work on Trina's, moments later I heard someone walk by and then quickly try to back pedal.

Lucas got up ever so fast and asked if he looked pretty, I turned around, saw her, Mystery, and got an idea.
"Neh...Mystery~" I said as she tried to make an exit I grabbed onto her arm and dragged her in. I know she don't like makeup but I had too, I was unable to resist.

After everyone was done I smiled brightly, ah everyone looked so pretty, although I don't really think ill be doing this again maybe i should leave my makeup skills to myself.

AH if only Shady was there, then I could have had the family all done up! I'm so happy here right now, I love my new family, I wonder if its selfish of me to want this to last forever...even if I know it cant.

I really want it to....

Sunday, 21 August 2011

The promise and the missing link.

A promise is a promise and Lucas promised me he would teach them to use the Katana. But heres the truth i didn't expect to be the one using the sword, "its up to you to be the one in control"


Lucas told me to draw the blade from the saya. The only other time ive ever heard the term saya be used was from a game i played.... saya no uta, I loved that game. 18+, hehe.

Lucas grabbed a stick and showed me each move, at first i was scared as hell I knew i would screw up, or felt as if i would. I payed close attention, I was in fact holding the weapon that could bring Lucas to his early grave, although that was never my intention anything can happen in this world.

anything at all.

"Got it?" I nodded quickly, maybe one day I could answer yes to questions like this.

Lucas stood infront of me, not directly infront of me but where the oppenent should stand when sword fighting, I relised that he wouldnt be moving (something he explained to me) it really all was up to me to not kill him.

I brought the sword up, swinging it over my head and then back down, the weight brought it down a little faster then what I wished and Lucas didn't flinch he stood damn still, did he had faith in me that i could control this? I stoped it with my right hand holding the handle tightly, it was just above Lucas' head. "Men..."

My eyes never left his, I was told to make sure of this, and dammit if i was going to do this I was going to do this right the first time.

I did it again, my breath hitched as I tried to stop the blade at the wrists of Lucas. I bit my lip as I gripped the sword tightly once more stopping it inches before his wrist. "Kote."

Again, twisting the blade just like he showed me so it swung horizontal, stopping at his waist. "Do...."

The fourth motion was the hardest Lucas took one step back and then I lunged forward, aiming for his neck, I almost couldnt stop myself it was a scary thought the idea that I wanted to feel the blade softly cut through someones skin.

I couldnt hold the sword anymore, just before it reached his neck I dropped it, I wanted to kill?

"Tsuki." I whispered, falling to my knees. I gave him back his sword and saya and told him not to let me near that sword anymore but thanked him for teaching me some moves.

Then I ran back inside Dollmaker stayed out and watched Lucas for a bit, she was quiet.

Most my sheets were on the floor, I dont sleep at all anymore I use it get a bit of rest but now I just have given up compleatly I just lay on my sheets and stare at nothing, thinking. Dollmaker entered my room shortly after,  its still a bit strange seeing her walking around on her own.



'Your sister....its your fault she's dead...'

"My...sister? What the fuck are you saying, where do you have the right to come up with these statements your making!?"

'if you hadn't have left you could have protected her, her and your father, its your fault there dead, no one else knows, no one but you. No one saw the way your father die by your hands, by your one saw the way your sist-"

"by MY creation, MY hands? SHUT UP Hardly my creation!I left to protect them!"

"your slightly slow Lullaby, haven't you figured it out yet?"

"What?! What is it!"

Dollmaker grew very quiet and very, very upset, "You haven't got a clue have you? You idiot...".
She left my room just after that, i guess she was really ticked off because the second she left I grabbed the hardest object I could and threw it at the wall.

what link am I missing?
what clue have I forgotten?

Tuesday, 16 August 2011


Shady is back...I am very happy, ever so very happy, the second I saw her I chould not resist but to run up and hug her tightly.  I promised myself I would not cry, I broke it, tears of happiness and relief, our lovely Shady was returned unharmed.

"I'm sorry, Shady I was so useless I promised I would be more useful..."Shady slowly pushed me away and looked into my eyes.

"Lullaby you are not useless" she said bluntly, it made my heart stop...I was not useless? "You were very helpful, you crafted a doll for Trinity and you helped Mystery when she was injured Lullaby your not useless"

Shady squeezed my shoulder tightly.
"I'm not useless?" I asked somewhat shocked.

"No your not"
I smiled softly, I have a purpose. Shady you are a wonderful, great, beautiful person. Please don't ever change.

We are all together now, Shady, Mystery, Trinity, Lucas, Ecko, Drake, Sunshine and myself.
Its like a family. Like a big happy family. I am very happy right now. Please don't tell me that I am dreaming.

Lullaby your not dreaming...please stay this is more pleasant for everyone if you stay this way... 

Monday, 15 August 2011

what happened yesterday I never was relaxed around thunder, you know how a dog gets around loud noises. Well imagine a teenage girl hiding in a blanket jumping at the loud bangs.
then you have me.

Thankfully the games we played kept me somewhat distracted, that made me happy. Mystery found a guy to fix the lights and stuff I greeted him at the door holding dollmaker of course i told her not to move at all, I 'unno if she'll listen she seem's to like to do things on her own accord, stupid stubborn doll.

The man was hispanic, he had dusky like skin and dirty blonde hair and those black eyes stared at me, giving me shivvers, I still tried to be polite.



"Are you the electriction?"

"Yes I am"

"Ah ok then welcome, come in..."

I stepped aside my socks padded against the ground as he entered, he seemed like a very nice man. He seemed to know what to do as he walked past me, due to boredom I followed him around.

"Do you like your job?" I asked quietly, the man didnt respond was I too quiet? I was never good talking to males, make it fair I was never good talking to anyone, I gripped onto my sweater tightly and felt dollmaker make a small gasping noise.

'lullaby....not so hard'

"A-ah!" I said relesing my hands dollmaker fell to the ground and I instantly bent down to pick her up.

"Did you make her yourself?"

"E-eh? Pardon?" Pardon? Pardon? Ugh I sound like a old lady.

"Your doll"

"Ah yes, I took a bit of work but it is a past time I have"

"What is her name?"

"I dunno I have not officially named her really..I call her dollmaker..."

"What an intresting name"

"Unique is the correct word.." I muttered he went back to work, I watched him fiddle with the wires and cords...reminded me of how my father did that, in a way I got sad and couldn't stay.

"good bye"

I went to visit Lucas, he still wasn't awake...this made me sad I feel bad for yelling at him about dollmaker, he had a katana that's a Japanese sword I managed to sneak it under my hoodie and outside, hopefully he wont be too mad at me I just have to play with it.

Once outside I ripped out the sword and saw the light glint off it, a true beautiful handcrafted sword. gripping onto it with both hands I got into a stance that felt correct and ripped through the air with it. I have been doing a lot of physical training lately, it gets my mind off things and I couldnt help but adore the way the sword sliced though the air.

then I saw mystery coming towards me, her lips were moving although I couldnt hear her but the expression screamed trouble. I pressed my hand around my ear, signaling i coulding quite hear her.

"What are you doing?"

"exactly what it look's like playing with a sword"

"Lullaby you should put the sword back before Lucas notices"

I sighed, I really didn't want to but I knew eventually I would have to.

"How did you get it out here without my noticing?"

I smiled and slid it back up under my sweater and winked.

"Wearing oversized cloating is quite helpful at times"

Mystery looked at me with a surprised and somewhat smiling face. that look made me happy. I put the sword back, very unhappily but its put back.

Trinitys doll is also compleated as well...Its a nice doll..I really like it I cant wait to give it to her, I hope she likes it too.

Monday, 8 August 2011

apparently I'm a nurse....

Trina's doll is turning out nicely, Dollmaker is upset that im spending more time on another doll then I am her, I can't help but laugh at her jelousy its somewhat amusing.

...Oh dear lord what have I just said? I'm amused at another creatures pain?

"Turning into a bigger me day by day" Dollmaker said, if i could have slapped her I would have.
I was preparing dinner, Mystery had wandered off earlier and I was getting hungry(I could only assume everyone else was as well).

"Shut up.." I muttered, not really in the mood to argue with my 'other-self'.

Not to mention Lucas experence with the dollmaker, he should know better I understand his boyfriend is gone and I understand he may be stressed but to tell me that I had forgotten the reason everyone hates Dollmaker is almost unforgivibal.

"ow..." I growled as I looked at my finger tip, now burnt I shook my hand violently as if trying to put out the fire that was under my skin. "Dammit" I muttered ripping a peice of cloth I wrapped it around my finger and tied it into a bow.

Just as I was about to pour the pancake batter into the frying pan the door opened wide and Mystery stumbled in her shoulder cut I looked at her wide eyed, the word shit rang over and over again in my mind.
I walked towards her helping her to sit down and so I could get a good look at the cut, I had done basic first-aid on myself multiple times (seeing as I fall down and cut my knees&ankles a lot).

"It's not too bad, if we can clean it up I can sew it and give you some painkillers..." although i said this as if I had done it a thousand times I had really only done it twice; once on myself and once on my father.


I gathered the supplies and ran back, Trinity was outside and Lucas was in his bedroom so I knew I could take my time without being interrupted...hopefully.

I started by cleaning up the blood, trying to be gentile. Next I disinfected it with a mixture of proxide and water the cut bubbled and made a noise and I could tell Mystery was holding back some colourful words. I disinfected the needle and got it prepared. "This this is going to hurt..I'm sorry if i hurt you I really am..I'll be as gentile as I can". I did a good job sewing it, you know if I had not have found Slenderman and Dollmaker was still dormit in my body and if I had finnished school I may have tried to go to medicial school.

*sigh* all the if's in life make me depressed, still moving forward in life.

'hehehe, would have all fallen down eventually....." 

"" I growled angerly well handing mystery the painkillers.
'ohhhh lullabys angry...' 

Hardly, angery isn't the word. Angry is when you watch someone you love die infront of you, angry is killing someone with your bare hands in the most grusome way possible, angry is holding something against someone because you cant forgive them. I was just getting angry, I wasnt near angry yet, of course the pill dust that is on the floor right now could tell otherwise.

Mystery is laying down, I also made pancakes for dinner...I love light and fluffly, gunna go eat now hopefully everything goes ok.

Friday, 5 August 2011


"...and this time it will not be my fault" the damn words echoing, Dollmaker could it fault?
It was fine, it was all OK everything was fine untill..until just then.. and I said I would protect them..I never.

All I could do was stare into the sky, would she be ok?..shit so.Fucking.Useless, but thats how we all must feel. DAMMIT.

I could feel warm tears stream down my cheeks, these tears could they be tears of anger? "Shady..I swear if its the last damn thing i do..the last damn thing I do...I will fucking find you and made this right"
could i be lying to myself again?

I cant tell am I pissed off that i was useless, am I sick of being like this, am I scared by knowing how vulnerable I am, what the fuck am I feeling?

I sat in my bedroom...I am....tired...I am...

I couldn't help it, I stood infront of Mystery for a full three minutes without a word...then I bolted forward gripping into her shirt tightly. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." I was begging for forgiveness for something I never did. something that *I* had no control over.
Mystery rubbed my back told me everything was ok, that I should rest, tomorrow is a new day, we still have so much to do.
I'm now in bed...unable to sleep...for I am an insomniac.

Shady....stay strong.

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

A New Friend. A New Start.

I was sitting on Trinitys swing looking at the sky; Dollmaker has been dead quiet for the past few days she seemed to enjoy the swing a lot. Slowly Ive been realizing that everyone I love dies violently; unnaturally. I'm cursed! Why go on? I'll just hurt others.

NO! Thats it I refuse to think this way anymore from now on I will do my best to help the people who so gratefully took me in, all Ive been doing is sitting on the second story and wandering around the wood's well enough is enough I will protect them...

"Uh..." there were two hands that softly pushed me forward. Hi!" a voice said happily, I tried turning around to see who it was but slipped off the rubber and landed onto the ground with a small thud.

"Oh no! I'm sorry! Are you hurt?! this is my fault" A bit dazed I looked at her, I was unable to hear her clearly I got 'sorry' and 'hurt' a few times and judging from the look on her face she seemed upset. Unable to hold back my laughter I burst out in giggles. 
"Its ok love, its ok I'm perfectly fine just a little stunned" Trinity looked so relieved and held out her hand to help me up.

I wiped off my dress from the dirt and looked at Trinity she was a very beautiful child, I never noticed this for the first few times we met but looking at her now I noticed it but she stood there awkwardly, looking nervous as hell.

"Hello I'm Lullaby, although you may know that I think we should at least introduce properly"

"I'm Trinity... she said looking at Dollmaker and back at me.

"I do not like...her...No I hate her. Hate, Hate, Hate..." Dollmaker kept uttering that word over and over, it became quite annoying. Trinitys lips moved but I could only make out a few words, 'can' 'please' 'hold'
"Come again?" I must have sounded like an old woman, its not my fault I'm now deaf in one ear, but I must learn to deal with this.

"May I please hold her?" "Ah yes of course please just be careful" I said holding out my doll she took it softly.

"LULLABY GET THIS CHILD TO UN-HAND ME AT ONCE!!" I laughed as Trinity brushed through Dollmakers hair and played with her hood. "Can I push her on the swing?" "Ah yes of course!"

Trinity smiled and placed Dollmaker on the swing, the doll made no objection to move and just gripped onto the rubber with her cloth hands and trinity gently pushed the tire. The atmosphere was ever relaxing, an unusual warmth filled my body I believe Dollmaker was happy.

"Say Trinity do you like any games?" She looked at me thinking and nodded. "I have checkers inside, if I run in and get it will you play it with me?" "Of course I love checkers" she grinned and ran inside quickly.

It was quiet again the tire swing still rocking and I looked at Dollmaker who tried to push it forward more, her efforts failed and I softly pushed her again. "This won't last...any of this...and this wont be my fault" what the hell did she mean? I was going to ask her but trinity called me in so we could play, the board game was fit under her arm. "Go...enjoy your time lullaby...I'll stay here we wont be that far so you wont get sick"

"Lullaby!" Trinity called out and I smiled running towards her, we set up the game together and decided (though a game of rock paper scissors) that she would go first. She won 3/5 games (*Note to self re-learn how to play checkers*) in an odd way she reminded me of Jessica, yes odd but lovely and ever so relaxing I do enjoy my time so far that i have spent with trinity.

I really hope we can spend many more times like this I hope she wishes the same as well.

Saturday, 23 July 2011

its official I made a deal with the devil.

I am deaf in my left ear and minor hearing loss in my right.
It was confirmed to me when ever I put in my headphones to listen to music and I could only hear the right side I asked Mystery to test my headphones to make sure that they were not just broken.

She told me they both worked fine, I didn't believe her so I asked again and she told me again that they both worked fine. I could feel my heart skip a beat as I put in both headphones and blasted the music and I still couldn't hear the song from the left headphone and it was low in the right.

I was crying as I picked up the stones I could find and tossed them as hard as I could into the woods, the sharper ones cut into my palms but at that moment I didn't give a damn. I do now Dollmaker's white skin is stained with my blood, she looked upset as she stared at me from the ground.

'You know the stars are beautiful, just like the dandelion seeds that blow across a summers sky. They can both just keep going forever and even after we cease to exist they will continue on...Melissa don't cry, life gave you this because it believed you can handle it, so take it by those handles and steer it in the direction YOU want it to go' 

As she uttered these words I could hardly control my emotions, these feelings, could she have actually understood my emotions after all she had done?

"Melissa I'll help you become stronger....I'll teach you all you need to know about fighting and defense and in return you let me be free from this doll body and let me become part of you again" 

"You can screw right off dollmaker...not you..not your fucking father..and not any of your dolls or threats or promises will persuade me to let you free..I would kill you before letting you go even if it meant i had to die myself"

"I irritating...." she raised up her arms and pulled on the threads until they snapped and then i heard her giggle " can't with hold amount of thread or ribbons will chain me even if I am in a dolls body I am still stronger the you"

I kicked her as hard as I could sending her flying into the wall she fell to the ground and I heard her laughter.

'Lullaby take me up on my offer....I know you wont regret it"

I could feel a painful sting just under my ribs, damned linked senses. So its official I made a deal with the devil.

Monday, 18 July 2011


A lot happened without me. I should have listened to the warnings of Shady and Mystery but being a little stubborn I went out anyways.

I guess in reality I just needed a walk, a stupid walk. I always walk I now question myself as to WHY I walk; I never get anywhere because there is no other place for me to go.

Why did I get involved? I know if I stay I will endanger the lives of these people, yet in whatever way thats sick and twisted in my mind I WANT to help.

But as of now have I only caused trouble? Dead, I dream about the ones I have killed and the ones I may kill and there gruesome demise. The way there breath will end by my hands.

Although a painful choice I sewed Dollmaker arms together, she can no longer them. There are tiny pain points running up along my arms now, but maybe pain itself will show Dollmaker what humans really feel when she kills them.

I will make her change, one way or another.

Friday, 15 July 2011

A path of trees

Dollmaker was returned. I awoke with her in my arms. Wood’s dark, so dark. She, dollmaker, keeps telling me go forward, go forward. I cannot even see this ‘forward’through the trees AND she’s been singing all day it’s been driving me madly insane.

If you go out in the woods today
you’re sure of a big surprise.~
If you go out in the woods today

you’d better go in disguise.~
If you go out in the woods today,
you’d better not go alone.~
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.~

I was just staring at her all day as we walked through the sunlit woods. Dollmaker was in a pleasant and somewhat childish mood. Although enjoyable it was disturbing as well. She never acted like that. Exhausted I have given up the search for today, Dollmaker didn’t seem happy about it, but my feet are sore. I looked up at the sky, the beautiful stars and reached my hand up. If only I could join them.

‘Why do you want to be with the stars so much?”

'No one judges them' I muttered clasping my hands together.

‘I hate the stars it reminds me that humans are not alone”
How true.

‘But how can you ‘hate’ for that fact?’

‘Because I am stuck in a world with a bunch of idiots when I could have been with a smarter race’

‘You’re no bucket of sunshine either’
She glared at me and at that moment i wished all hell would have broken loose, for her glare was truly one that was made for a killer. That makes me wonder, what did my face looked like when I killed those people? 

Friday, 8 July 2011


I was playing outside with Dollmaker, it was OK something to distract me for a little while.

'Your father-' 
My father, why was she bringing up my family?
'-Was looking for you"


"As we speak he is being made into a gift...for you, father told me last night when I wandered out...'

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS SOONER?! Tell slenderman if he does ANYTHING to-"

'Father won't he has no reason too...He is not the one anyways, it is another, it is another who is harming your father"
Harming. No...Damn it.

'Then tell him to make whoever is doing anything to my father to go and di-'

'He cannot'

"He cannot or He WILL not'

'He will not'

"Why the hell not?!" I said in a irrated tone she shrugged.

"You must on your own...he is YOUR father after all'

"No I don't know where he is or...DAMMIT" I screamed and picked her up running away from the mansion.
I was running through the wood's feeling the ground crunch under me I just kept running, and running.
I had no idea WHERE I was headed, this was no good.

' foolish girl you’re setting yourself wide open for a prox-'

'Listen Dollmaker, I don't care, my father is out there and it’s MY fault this shut up ok just shut the hell up and let me find him!"

'listen you little witch...proxies are bound to come after you now that your more open for an attack, and believe me they will get any chance they can to hurt you so-"

"And let me guess you'll stand there and let them?! You would kill Jessica or any human if they became too close to me but you won't kill a proxy if it tries to hurt me? HUH!?"

'That's not it...Lullaby listen I-"

I stopped running and put her to the ground. "Go on your free...just leave me alone OK! You tried to control my life since i was born. So get the hell out of it!”

As I ran away I heard her little voice fade from my head. 'LULLABY WAIT!Lullaby...lullaby you cant go on your own..lull-'

Now I believe I made an error, only an hour after running away from Dollmaker I can hardly move and everything feels fuzzy.
What have I done?

I think I've gotten sick three times already within the past twenty minutes but I’m not so sure, I lost track of time, I think it’s night I can hardly tell; I shouldn’t have left her in the woods.

I have to sleep, I.
Father...I want you OK.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

And then it *clicked*

Shady's back.
This makes me very happy.
Although I have little to post here this time, Dollmaker has been acting very strange lately she's constantly gripping onto my arms tightly.

She's also been muttering weird things lately:

I hate her, I really hate her...we will never be alone...because I have you, yet I have become nothing more than a doll. I am completely useless too you now. I should not exist in this world. Kill me.

I can't understand what's come over her, but it's causing a pain in my gut that is telling me its not good.

I also had a dream:
I was wandering around a city no Dollmaker just lifeless wind up human like dolls.
I was just walking around this colorless city for hours until I heard a soft voice.

'I won't leave a single man alive, I never wanted to leave you, I wanted to be with you! I'm here, I'll always be here.'
At that moment the 'dolls' came to life and the doll maker stood in the center of them holding out her hands, her human hands with her old sick twisted smile.
'This is the life you always dreamed of, all these dolls can be your friends I can control these dolls come with me deeper into this dream, you can stay here forever.’ 
her eyes now black as she looked deep into mine. 'Stay here, forever..."

"I don't want this dream!" I cried out, waking up the Dollmaker who just looked at me, she seemed confused.

'What is wrong Lullaby?' she asked me cocking her head.
Did she really not influence that dream?
She herself was asleep when I awoke, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and curled up clutching the fabric of my shirt.
The Dollmaker too clutched the fabric of her dress around her chest area and let out what presumed to be a small gasp for air or a low cry.

"M-my chest it hurts. Lullaby it hurts" she said.
She honestly sounded as if she was in pain.
"P-please, Lullaby make it stop...”

Unsure of what was happening I got scared quickly collecting the doll into my arms I hugged it tightly feeling the warm strands of tears roll down my cheeks.
And we both stopped feeling pain.

And that's when it clicked.
We can feel each others pain.

Saturday, 2 July 2011

Torn between stay and go.

I decided to spend most of the day outside, playing amongst the trees.
Actually mainly I was following Dollmaker as she wandered around the woods; no one was around us so I thought that it would be safe to let her walk around.

She stopped at an oddly shaped tree and pointed upwards I assumed she wanted to go up the tree.

“As if I can climb that”

“I don’t care if you can or can’t, I still want to go up it”
I was taken back she really was rude.

“Ask nicely and I may attempt it”
She just glared at me and I sighed, walking over picking her up I climbed the tree to the highest point I could.

We were high up, high enough to see the mansion and Mystery and Trinity and all the other people as they were far below us.

We also were able to view all the trees and the horizon.

‘This is how father views us all, it truly is beautiful’ she said
Beautiful? Could the Dollmaker actually comprehend beauty?

Looking around she seemed so absorbed the sight for a few minutes longer before I decided it was time to go down.
I was very careful holding the Dollmaker close to me so I wouldn’t scratch her.

‘I don’t like trinity’ she said
I looked down at her not sure of what to say.

‘Don’t become friends with her, I really do hate her, I don’t like Mystery either you should pack your bags and get out of here now, if you don’t I’ll get father to come and take us both away….’

I was completely taken back.


“Dollmaker you’re not in control it is MY life and I think it’s a about time I actually lived it”

‘Listen to me or you will regret it….Lullaby don’t take my threats lightly’
I wasn’t at all she would call upon slenderman and he would do it I knew he would and I didn’t want to be taken away.

I walked back towards the mansion.
I hated to seem like such a bother but I needed to tell Mystery what the Dollmaker said.

‘I dare you lullaby she will take me away from you or worse rid of me and from what I know it will not end well for you…..’

I looked down at her. “What the hell do you mean?!”

‘Dear sweet Lullaby do you wish to die?’
Do I want to die, what does she mean by that?

Thursday, 30 June 2011

The start of a new life.

I woke up and tried to regain my vision, once I did I saw my doll and yesterday regained a place in my memory.

Instantly I sat upright and looked towards my doll reaching over towards her determined I gripped the fabric tightly and dragged her towards me.

"OI" I called out sevral times until I relised I had somewhat lost my voice my entire mouth was dry.

"" I muttered quietly still too weak to speak loudly, where was mystery why didn't she wait for me to awaken.
I felt the doll nuge in my arms and looked down towards it.

'Don't grip so tightly!' I heard in my head

"who are you?" I replied

'don't be such a moron little lullaby listen closely as I say this I'm the one you shoved into this doll and expelled from your body...'

I looked closely at the glint in the doll's eyes and if it could smile I think its grin would be perfect.

"D-Dollmaker!?" I cried out pushing the doll away from me I pressed myself close to the wall.

'now lullaby don't be such a fool you know I won't kill you, if your smart you'll know I can't live without you and you cant live without me'

the doll stood upright and walked towards me slowly trying to learn to control this new body.
"don't you dare do anything you'll regret.." I said softly.

she sighed, sounding irrated as she fell.

'stupid body...' Even after all she's done I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

"H-here" I reached my hand out.

'I don't need your help!' she growled and smacked my hand away.

'If you didn't put me in here to begin with-' 
"But I'm wanted everywhere because of you!"
'humans should learn better, if they think they can just control people like you because your a teenager there insane someone needs to teach them a lesson!' she got up and glared at me.

"I don't hate you" I said 'Even after you killed Jessica, even after everything I don't hate you..but I want to know why"

'Why? Why I killed her, why I killed anyone who got close to you...that is for me to know" she laughed.

"You should know I'm not going anywhere without you!"

'Fine by me, preferred method of transportation has always been my your arms' she chuckled

I reached out and gripped her tightly dragging her towards me.

"Because your still a part of me, that is why I cannot hate you...'

She moved her head to look upwards towards me, 'whatever lullaby, if anyone trys to hurt you I'll still kill them I swear to God if anyone trys to drag you away from me I will never let them live'

What a violent spirit she is, I wonder if there is anyway to make her see the beauty of this world.
'Lets find a way out of here'

I tried getting up to no advial


'damatte kudasai...(shut up, please)"

'If I was a seprate person I would smack you upside the head for that comment...." she said sounding angry

"Don't call me a wimp"

'don't tell me to shut up!'

"are we really going to have this argument?"

'we could if you wish to go on'

"Anyone! please un-chain me..."

A small voice called out 'Lullaby' and I looked around towards the outline figure of a twelve year old girl.

"N-neh can you help me?" I asked.

She nodded.

'I hate her already'

Monday, 27 June 2011

Naze Watashi?

なぜ私'Why me'
I've been looking at the above statement, Mystery left me with my laptop so I opened Itunes and played my favorite music.
I'm not sure why, why I was stuck with this problem.
I'm almost set on going into silent mode and never talking again, ever since I was a child anyone who's been close to me has either disappeared or left me.

I've always been alone.
And now I'm alone again.
Why am I always alone? I wanted to be around someone my entire life and just have someone who will do the same.

But no one seemed to care, until I met you guy's. Then why do I feel so lonely? as if I'm not like the rest. could I be hated for having her inside me possibly...

Then what is my purpose? This is why at times I wish I was a star, no one hates the stars, have you ever heard someone say that they hate the stars?
But yet I still have this drive to live, I don't even this this is me, this cannot be the me everyone should know.

I am no longer Lullaby.

I refuse to even say the me that is speaking and writing and breathing is me.
I believe the Dollmaker has hidden the true me away somewhere in the sky, so that I can only feel as she does.

If this is this true Dollmaker please do away with me that way I may shine in the heavens then I wont be lonely.

Life is so heavy to live.

"Where should I head towards? Even if there isn't answer, I'll feel better by writing it down. I've looked for a pair of helping hands but I couldn't feel them, couldn't see them. I only face towards darkness and hear, hear the sounds of my hopeless screams."-Aya kito