its official I made a deal with the devil.

I am deaf in my left ear and minor hearing loss in my right.
It was confirmed to me when ever I put in my headphones to listen to music and I could only hear the right side I asked Mystery to test my headphones to make sure that they were not just broken.

She told me they both worked fine, I didn't believe her so I asked again and she told me again that they both worked fine. I could feel my heart skip a beat as I put in both headphones and blasted the music and I still couldn't hear the song from the left headphone and it was low in the right.

I was crying as I picked up the stones I could find and tossed them as hard as I could into the woods, the sharper ones cut into my palms but at that moment I didn't give a damn. I do now Dollmaker's white skin is stained with my blood, she looked upset as she stared at me from the ground.

'You know the stars are beautiful, just like the dandelion seeds that blow across a summers sky. They can both just keep going forever and even after we cease to exist they will continue on...Melissa don't cry, life gave you this because it believed you can handle it, so take it by those handles and steer it in the direction YOU want it to go' 

As she uttered these words I could hardly control my emotions, these feelings, could she have actually understood my emotions after all she had done?

"Melissa I'll help you become stronger....I'll teach you all you need to know about fighting and defense and in return you let me be free from this doll body and let me become part of you again" 



"You can screw right off dollmaker...not you..not your fucking father..and not any of your dolls or threats or promises will persuade me to let you free..I would kill you before letting you go even if it meant i had to die myself"

"I see...how irritating...." she raised up her arms and pulled on the threads until they snapped and then i heard her giggle "Lullaby..you can't with hold me...no amount of thread or ribbons will chain me even if I am in a dolls body I am still stronger the you"


I kicked her as hard as I could sending her flying into the wall she fell to the ground and I heard her laughter.

'Lullaby take me up on my offer....I know you wont regret it"

I could feel a painful sting just under my ribs, damned linked senses. So its official I made a deal with the devil.

Home?

A lot happened without me. I should have listened to the warnings of Shady and Mystery but being a little stubborn I went out anyways.

I guess in reality I just needed a walk, a stupid walk. I always walk I now question myself as to WHY I walk; I never get anywhere because there is no other place for me to go.

Why did I get involved? I know if I stay I will endanger the lives of these people, yet in whatever way that’s sick and twisted in my mind I WANT to help.

But as of now have I only caused trouble? Dead, I dream about the ones I have killed and the ones I may kill and there gruesome demise. The way there breath will end by my hands.

Although a painful choice I sewed Dollmaker arms together, she can no longer them. There are tiny pain points running up along my arms now, but maybe pain itself will show Dollmaker what humans really feel when she kills them.

I will make her change, one way or another.

A path of trees

Dollmaker was returned. I awoke with her in my arms. Wood’s dark, so dark. She, dollmaker, keeps telling me go forward, go forward. I cannot even see this ‘forward’through the trees AND she’s been singing all day it’s been driving me madly insane.

If you go out in the woods today
you’re sure of a big surprise.~
If you go out in the woods today
you’d better go in disguise.~

If you go out in the woods today,
you’d better not go alone.~
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.~

I was just staring at her all day as we walked through the sunlit woods. Dollmaker was in a pleasant and somewhat childish mood. Although enjoyable it was disturbing as well. She never acted like that. Exhausted I have given up the search for today, Dollmaker didn’t seem happy about it, but my feet are sore. I looked up at the sky, the beautiful stars and reached my hand up. If only I could join them.

‘Why do you want to be with the stars so much?”

'No one judges them' I muttered clasping my hands together.

‘I hate the stars it reminds me that humans are not alone”

How true.

‘But how can you ‘hate’ for that fact?’

‘Because I am stuck in a world with a bunch of idiots when I could have been with a smarter race’

‘You’re no bucket of sunshine either’

She glared at me and at that moment i wished all hell would have broken loose, for her glare was truly one that was made for a killer. That makes me wonder, what did my face looked like when I killed those people? 

Mistake.

I was playing outside with Dollmaker, it was OK something to distract me for a little while.

'Your father-' 
My father, why was she bringing up my family?
'-Was looking for you"

"Huh?"

"As we speak he is being made into a gift...for you, father told me last night when I wandered out...'

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS SOONER?! Tell slenderman if he does ANYTHING to-"

'Father won't he has no reason too...He is not the one anyways, it is another, it is another who is harming your father"
Harming. No...Damn it.

'Then tell him to make whoever is doing anything to my father to go and di-'

'He cannot'

"He cannot or He WILL not'

'He will not'

"Why the hell not?!" I said in a irrated tone she shrugged.

"You must on your own...he is YOUR father after all'

"No I don't know where he is or...DAMMIT" I screamed and picked her up running away from the mansion.
I was running through the wood's feeling the ground crunch under me I just kept running, and running.
I had no idea WHERE I was headed, this was no good.

'Lullaby...you foolish girl you’re setting yourself wide open for a prox-'

'Listen Dollmaker, I don't care, my father is out there and it’s MY fault this time...so shut up ok just shut the hell up and let me find him!"

'listen you little witch...proxies are bound to come after you now that your more open for an attack, and believe me they will get any chance they can to hurt you so-"

"And let me guess you'll stand there and let them?! You would kill Jessica or any human if they became too close to me but you won't kill a proxy if it tries to hurt me? HUH!?"

'That's not it...Lullaby listen I-"

I stopped running and put her to the ground. "Go on your free...just leave me alone OK! You tried to control my life since i was born. So get the hell out of it!”

As I ran away I heard her little voice fade from my head. 'LULLABY WAIT!Lullaby...lullaby you cant go on your own..lull-'

Now I believe I made an error, only an hour after running away from Dollmaker I can hardly move and everything feels fuzzy.
What have I done?

I think I've gotten sick three times already within the past twenty minutes but I’m not so sure, I lost track of time, I think it’s night I can hardly tell; I shouldn’t have left her in the woods.

I have to sleep, I.
Father...I want you to...please..just..be OK.

And then it *clicked*

Shady's back.
This makes me very happy.
Although I have little to post here this time, Dollmaker has been acting very strange lately she's constantly gripping onto my arms tightly.

She's also been muttering weird things lately:

I hate her, I really hate her...we will never be alone...because I have you, yet I have become nothing more than a doll. I am completely useless too you now. I should not exist in this world. Kill me.


I can't understand what's come over her, but it's causing a pain in my gut that is telling me its not good.

I also had a dream:
I was wandering around a city no Dollmaker just lifeless wind up human like dolls.
I was just walking around this colorless city for hours until I heard a soft voice.

'I won't leave a single man alive, I never wanted to leave you, I wanted to be with you! I'm here, I'll always be here.'
At that moment the 'dolls' came to life and the doll maker stood in the center of them holding out her hands, her human hands with her old sick twisted smile.
'This is the life you always dreamed of, all these dolls can be your friends I can control these dolls come with me deeper into this dream, you can stay here forever.’ 
her eyes now black as she looked deep into mine. 'Stay here, forever..."

"I don't want this dream!" I cried out, waking up the Dollmaker who just looked at me, she seemed confused.

'What is wrong Lullaby?' she asked me cocking her head.
Did she really not influence that dream?
She herself was asleep when I awoke, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and curled up clutching the fabric of my shirt.
The Dollmaker too clutched the fabric of her dress around her chest area and let out what presumed to be a small gasp for air or a low cry.

"M-my chest it hurts. Lullaby it hurts" she said.
She honestly sounded as if she was in pain.
"P-please, Lullaby make it stop...”

Unsure of what was happening I got scared quickly collecting the doll into my arms I hugged it tightly feeling the warm strands of tears roll down my cheeks.
And we both stopped feeling pain.

And that's when it clicked.
We can feel each others pain.

Torn between stay and go.

I decided to spend most of the day outside, playing amongst the trees.

Actually mainly I was following Dollmaker as she wandered around the woods; no one was around us so I thought that it would be safe to let her walk around.

She stopped at an oddly shaped tree and pointed upwards I assumed she wanted to go up the tree.

“As if I can climb that”

“I don’t care if you can or can’t, I still want to go up it”

I was taken back she really was rude.

“Ask nicely and I may attempt it”

She just glared at me and I sighed, walking over picking her up I climbed the tree to the highest point I could.

We were high up, high enough to see the mansion and Mystery and Trinity and all the other people as they were far below us.

We also were able to view all the trees and the horizon.

‘This is how father views us all, it truly is beautiful’ she said

Beautiful? Could the Dollmaker actually comprehend beauty?

Looking around she seemed so absorbed the sight for a few minutes longer before I decided it was time to go down.

I was very careful holding the Dollmaker close to me so I wouldn’t scratch her.

‘I don’t like trinity’ she said

I looked down at her not sure of what to say.

‘Don’t become friends with her, I really do hate her, I don’t like Mystery either you should pack your bags and get out of here now, if you don’t I’ll get father to come and take us both away….’

I was completely taken back.

“No”

‘No?’

“Dollmaker you’re not in control it is MY life and I think it’s a about time I actually lived it”

‘Listen to me or you will regret it….Lullaby don’t take my threats lightly’

I wasn’t at all she would call upon slenderman and he would do it I knew he would and I didn’t want to be taken away.

I walked back towards the mansion.

I hated to seem like such a bother but I needed to tell Mystery what the Dollmaker said.

‘I dare you lullaby she will take me away from you or worse rid of me and from what I know it will not end well for you…..’

I looked down at her. “What the hell do you mean?!”

‘Dear sweet Lullaby do you wish to die?’

Do I want to die, what does she mean by that?