Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Mom forced the pills on me.

I refused to take them after last night, I reached over to give her a kiss she was researching on Insomnia...
I hate making her worry.

Mother I love you.


to sleep anymore...will become my nightmare.

The drug's worked, I was knocked out hardly woke up till I felt a stabbing pain in my neck and then woke up crying.

I swear it must have been maybe 2:30 AM although it was hard to tell I woke up In my bed, sore, very sore the left side of my neck ached so badly could no one hear me crying?

I moved slowly out of bed and into my dressing room and turned on the light's, they stung my eyes and looked at my neck, a bruise bad one too, hurt a lot.

It only hurts now If I turn my head the wrong way, my friend saw it, we were sitting at the lunch table talking she moved my hair back, she saw it and I knew she did.

well walking to class she stopped me 'Why is there a bruise on your neck, if your upset about something tell me'.
I did, I told her 'I woke up and it was there...'.

Nothing else was said, what else could I say?
I will not sleep again, now I have a reason to stay awake who could have done this?
why would they...

I don't think I'll sleep anymore with my own free will...
I don't see why people love sleeping, horrible, horrible, horrible!

I'll create my own little daytime lullaby, so I can be at peace and relaxed...Maybe then I wont need to sleep.


Monday, 30 May 2011



I was prescribed it by my doctor we've tried everything else.
Although I'm not sure If I wan't to sleep, where I haven't slept for so long I'm scared.
I can already feel the drugs kicking in actually, I feel a little bit tired not a lot. I'm scared of going into a sleep and then only seeing darkness, what if I don't dream? Worse what if I sleep walk?.

Maybe its just I'm scared of what I don't know. This drug is a short term drug and I really shouldn't be taking this medication but after talking with high level doctors and actually talking with the government(yes believe it or not we had to go that high just so if anything happens the doc's wont go to court example,I die.

Its all because the drug is meant for adults 18 years of age, not children 16 years of age.
Maybe sleep will be beautiful, I can't remember it, although I know scary things can happen I'm willing too take that risk.

-I_L, 11:47 PM. May 30,2011

Insominatic children dream too...

Just differently from children that sleep we dream well awake we have more of a chance to see everything in a new light.

Of course I keep something called a dream diary, less or more of a 'memory diary' it keeps some of my past dreams from when i was 15

I guess I should also mention that the last two entries are from my diary.

Those two entries are from about a year ago(Give or take), I know a lot about the slender man actually..well now i do, maybe too much in fact...so much that I've literally been attacked by one of his proxies.

That damn proxy, stood there acting so innocent from back on he looked like a 15 year old boy who was, like me, walking early in the morning.

He turned around and his mask, at that moment I knew I was screwed, his mask was white with an X running through it both eyes were black and the lips were turned into a smirk.

I ran. I ran.I ran.I ran.I ran.I ran.I ran. and I just kept running until I passed out, I woke up in my bed room with a note in my hand's.

'found you'

Yes I know about the slender man because I kept looking, since last year June 19th...my birthday I turned 16.
so sue me for being in love with made up creatures, like Hoso and M and everyone else I have to keep going.

Even if It kills me I would rather be killed by slender man then by suicide

June 19,2010

I clicked on the link last night at 3:45 AM. The very first thing I saw was a faceless creature and it caused my heart to jump. I exited out of the window and shut my computer screen for about half an hour.

the slender man. A tall faceless creature, I reopened the computer and went back onto the site, why? Why would I do such a thing maybe it was because I was just frightened at first yet...this creature, it, intrigued me.
Therefor I kept looking at it, although that website didn't give me as much information as I would have liked on this slender man.

Although I felt like I had seen him before, maybe when I was younger oh if only I had better memory what a pain.
anyways I looked for other site's, yes this is the first time I looked into any creature any deeper, just because this one really got my attention.
I found a website that gave me a lot of information, this got me excited, it also had a list of something called 'slenderblogs'.
what a strange name, I wonder if it's just a bunch of role plays.
Oh if it was I would become so excited! I like role playing for a long time I wanted to do a LARP.
A few names caught my attention so I bookmarked them, most are on blog spot so if I really like them I might follow.
Though if people are like to serious into this that's weird because this can't exist.
Although people are weird like that, make things up to scare people, and that's all that this is a made up story meant to scare people.

10:52 PM

Done my bath, I decided to start checking some of the blogs, most of them are really good I like A breeze in the Monochrome night the most.

Also anonymous here & M's the tutorial.

Thought these people are taking it all to seriously, It's kinda scary.
I only read a few post, mainly because I have to study for school exams.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Mythical creatures and Me

8:45 PM
I LOVE mythical creatures.

One site I use to visit a lot was http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com Although last night was the first time in a year I have visited it.

I decided to visit the fictional creatures page although all together there is only 22 on that one page. I myself have only really looked at 3-4 of them, maybe I'll look at more later on maybe it'll give me something to do Haha.

Did I mention I write poetry and I walk a lot, I went for a walk today it was pouring rain so I got really wet. I was looking on YouTube for some good music I enjoy Requiem for a Dream a lot so I finally got it onto my Ipod.

I also love Miku Hatsune.

10:53 PM
(sorry I left but didn't just wanna post this so i kept it open and came back up at this time)

It's dark out now I think the rain also died out but it's foggy, I was never fond of the fog it's just eerie epically when the street lights turn on and its dark out. 
I have school tomorrow, only 1 week left till exams i'm excited that schools almost done! I'll also be 17 soon then next year ill be graduated Uh its all so scary yet...somehow..exciting.

I'm sleepy..maybe just exhausted not sleepy, no maybe I am sleepy....I think its..I just can't sleep.
I'm going to study my Japanese for as longs as I can tonight..Then read the Bible...maybe try some camomille tea, maybe warm milk watch a little bit of TV.

I have a feeling it will all fail though..in which case my final option at 2:30 am would be to research mythical creatures.  

Outta curiosity who knows anything about something called 'slender man' ?
it was the second last creature on the list of 22 creatures I haven't clicked the link yet but I wanna know if I should.

ah well.

Its 11:16 time to study Japanese....
                                                                 I might post tomorrow morning if I'm not gone for a walk.

[|Who I am,What my goal is|]

Why am I here?

Well my friend suggested I keep a blog because I have a very busy life(I don't get everything done) and because at 4am I don't do anything much but rot my brain away.

You see I am 16 and have bad insomnia and the doctors have tried everything from sleeping pills to traditional idea's like warm milk to relaxing music to shoving me in a hotel alone for a week end to see if it was family problems(Nope still didn't sleep).

I don't know why I don't sleep I don't have any stresses my family is wonderful, we have our little bickers but we always resolve them. I have good friends I'm generally a happy girl.

Just things that happen, happen for a reason.

I think I'll mainly use this blog for my Inosamatic nights, Inspiring quotes and to keep updated on how I'm doing because I tried keeping a diary I can't seem to remember to write in it.