It took awhile, maybe from shock and not being able to think properly, maybe from the massive amounts of tears that stung my eyes as I bolted out the door running until I felt as if I had lost that tall bastard(excuse my language I usually don't swear still trying to kick the habit).
But eventually after my side ached, my head was pounding and my mind had cleared, even if the fog was only getting thicker I ended up returning home to my bedroom just as I had left it.
Bed unmade, shelves piled with papers and small dolls pillows lay neatly on the floor.
This one moment gave me time to reflect, what was I thinking not only did I go outside but I ran INTO the tree's my brain was not working I don't know WHY I though the trees of all places would be safe!
I'm such a idiot, how can I help other's If I can hardly control my own hurricane of emotion's.
I swear I saw him, he was there, in a mocking way his arms wide open almost as if saying 'come at me'.
I wasn't seeing things, I'm not faking this, this is all real, why was I so scared, I'm such a baby..
Guessing I should add the crucial fact that it's probably my fault to begin with, If I had left well enough alone I would be fine.
I posted too much today.
Now I'm treating this site like twitter, it must be annoying.
This is a place where I feel understood like i'm not crazy.
For all I know you could be reading this with a smile and laughing to yourself.
Taking it all as a joke.
Should I give up and quit?