Thursday, 2 June 2011

Calmed down.

It took awhile, maybe from shock and not being able to think properly, maybe from the massive amounts of tears that stung my eyes as I bolted out the door running until I felt as if I had lost that tall bastard(excuse my language I usually don't swear still trying to kick the habit).

But eventually after my side ached, my head was pounding and my mind had cleared, even if the fog was only getting thicker I ended up returning home to my bedroom just as I had left it.

Bed unmade, shelves piled with papers and small dolls pillows lay neatly on the floor.
This one moment gave me time to reflect, what was I thinking not only did I go outside but I ran INTO the tree's my brain was not working I don't know WHY I though the trees of all places would be safe!

I'm such a idiot, how can I help other's If I can hardly control my own hurricane of emotion's.
I swear I saw him, he was there, in a mocking way his arms wide open almost as if saying 'come at me'.

I wasn't seeing things, I'm not faking this, this is all real, why was I so scared, I'm such a baby..
Why me?

Guessing I should add the crucial fact that it's probably my fault to begin with, If I had left well enough alone I would be fine.
I posted too much today.
Now I'm treating this site like twitter, it must be annoying.
I'm sorry.
This is a place where I feel understood like i'm not crazy.

For all I know you could be reading this with a smile and laughing to yourself.
Taking it all as a joke.

Should I give up and quit?


  1. Post here all you want if it helps you. Treat it like Twitter, no one minds. Hardly annoying, I think it's helpful to be updated on how you are feeling and everything. Helps me know how to help you.

    Don't give up, don't quit. You have so much potential. See it.

  2. I'll try my best to take those words to heart.
    I'm mentally exhausted but even that part of me can't sleep.

    You really wan't to help me, that makes me happy.
    I'm happy.
    Thank you.


  3. Keep hold of that happiness. Find something of value and keep it close to you always, they cannot take it away and it will be the light within your darkness. You need to sleep, it will only worsen if you force yourself awake or do not force yourself to sleep. Need to be healthy, dear.

    You're welcome. People are here that care for you and want to help.

    Stay safe and get some rest.

  4. Rest?
    I can't do either, haven't slept in day's, Insomnia is back, can't sleep, a few nights ago I was attacked had bruise on my neck I was attacked well asleep, I can't sleep.

    I have pill's I refuse to take them.
    I don't even like to sleep there is no dream's, only darkness, reminds me of the sicking smell and feel of death.