Friday, 23 December 2011

Not yet forgotten

I remember how the skies were painted a delicate sky blue, I remember laying on the solid green grass, the earth beneath me and the truth was nothing could stop me I probably would have wanted to fly if I knew that I wasn’t so planted to the ground.

I remember watching the birds, there white wings cutting through the air, I remember being 13. The way the warm summer air caressed my hair and found its way under my shirt to warm and tickled my body.

Where is that innocence? That beauty what I once saw, where did it go? I had a dream during it was of that blue sky only this time I was flying.

“Dammit!” I cried out, why dammit? Why did I cry out that? Lullaby came rushing in she turned her head and her black hair bounced slighting.

“Mommy OK?” she asked, she only started speaking and everything that exits her tiny little pink lips is sweet sounding and relaxes you, her innocence is…outstanding.  

“Yes mommy’s ok Lullaby go play”

The young child cocked her head slightly, she didn’t believe me. “Sure?” she asked again, this time I nodded and smiled.

It’s hard to keep up with Lullaby I’m tired all the time and lately I feel so alone, she watched the trees a lot. She will sit on the ground and watch the tree tops sway back and forth with a mystified look in her small eyes almost as if there’s something up there we cant see.

And recently  I’m living on a single thought, ‘protect’. What though? What am I to protect could it be Lullaby? Shady?  The Haven? Myself? It’s been driving me crazy and I’m so tired, I’m tempted to abandon this stupid piece of work and give up on Lullaby and just….

Just go away.

I could smack myself sometimes you know? It’s almost Christmas as well, secretly I went into town and bought Lullaby something, it’s a small necklace with a silvery blue round charm on it.

I won’t give it to her yet though, not yet, not until she’s a little older.

I have hopes Lullaby, My precious Lullaby that you will one day reach a new height, can’t you feel it? The warm breeze calling to you, you will find it and embrace it. Lullaby I know you will love the feel of it as it caresses your black hair and when it drives through the cracks of your fingers. You’ll love the touch of the cool water as it swarms around your feet and the sounds of the seagulls crying out.

Lullaby my hope is that you will live in a beautiful home next to the ocean, where the sun’s rays crawl over the blue ocean dying it a golden colour, its true you may never have a field of dandelion’s that make a sea. But if you’re lucky maybe I can give you a sea that looks like a field of dandelion’s.

Lullaby I love you and I can swear, some days you say:

‘I love you too mommy’  


  1. I could help you raise the child, DeMii.

    We could do it together.

    Don't you think the child should have a father?

  2. My child has a name and Lullaby would want her real father..not some want to be, you will not touch my child, you will never come near to my child.

    A father is what she needs, but that father will not be you!

  3. Oh poor DeMii... Shady hasn't told you yet, has she?

    Poor poor DeMii, left in the dark. You don't know the truth about Doctor Proctor do you?

  4. ...What about him? What happened, wheres lullaby's father!

    Goddammit tell me!

  5. I will let Shady have the pleasure of telling you. :)

  6. Hush, now. Don't be so temperamental...It's bad for a child to see its parents arguing.

  7. If it was your daughter you would want to know too. Lullaby I can't let her grow up to be with only me...I'm not good enough to be a single parent not at 17.

    please im begging you, tell me.

  8. "If it was your daughter you would want to know too,"

    Lullaby IS my daughter.

    I am Thuggee, and Casey Black, better known as Doctor Proctor, was merely an identity I used to manipulate you and your friends.

    I am the father to your child.