Sunday, 2 October 2011

a nightmare, my nightmare

I feel so bad.

Am I the one causing Mystery this much trouble? I am so sorry, so very sorry Mystery. The men, the MASC men keep trying to make me come to the medical wing alone, they offer Mystery money so she can buy food for me and tell her to stay home well I go alone.

Finally, I realized how stressful I am being on Mystery. “Mystery, please stay home and rest, I’ll go alone this time don’t worry my dear I’ll be fine”  she was going to object, I could see it in her eyes but I smiled cheerfully, “it’s just a check-up nothing big I’ll tell you exactly how the baby is doing”.

“I’ll go buy some food..” she said I frowned upon her choice, I wanted her dearly to stay home and relax, all 
I’ve been doing is sleeping and eating from now on I’ll help her more I hate feeling useless. I did go alone, now without Mystery’s hand to hold I inched my way into the wing.

A few MASC men stood there staring at me I became scared, this wasn’t a friendly stare, “Hello Lullaby” I felt a swift movement from my stomach, like butterflies, could it be my baby? “Good day” I replied, “Were not going to do anything different a simple check-up OK?” I nodded and followed them to the table.

It really was just another check-up, they decided to do another ultrasound too, I wasn’t sure why but I never really did like the ultrasounds it’s not that they hurt I was just not happy about them. 
“Oh do you see this?” 
“Yeah, it doesn’t look good” 
“Maybe we should?” 
“Do you think she’ll like the idea?” 
“Probably not but for her safety”. I looked back and forth between the voices. 

“Lullaby can you sit up?” I nodded and slowly got up.

“We need to do an abortion..” A WHAT? This is a joke right, a sick joke. “Y-your kidding right?” I stuttered my voice was hitched in my lungs when they answered.

“No, if you give birth we have determined you will die, even now the… CHILD is taking everything from you” I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t see tears stung every part of my body.

No. No. No. “No” I said firmly, quickly, fluently. “I will die with this child if I have to, there is no way you are hurting a part of me” The men looked among one and other then quickly walked up and grabbed me roughly, it hurt, it hurt, it still hurts, they left bruises on my arms.

“Lullaby your child is deformed, really you have no choice, it might be born dead at this rate…” then they forced me onto the table, I tried to protest kicking, crying, screaming. I shouldn't have come alone, I shouldn't have come alone. I bit one of the MASC members and ran towards the door. Something was driving me, I only made it halfway down the hall before another member grabbed onto me again, dragging me back.

“MYSTERY! CASEY! SHADY! SOMEONE!” I screamed and fought and cried and protested until I couldn't anymore, until my body became numb, and all my senses were fading.

“I want to talk to Casey, I want to talk to the baby’s father..” they looked among one and other, they couldn’t object. As I entered Casey’s room I shut the door and looked at him. “They want me to abort Doc..I can’t they will force me, I can’t, I won’t not my baby not our baby…”

His eyes widened when he heard that they wanted me to abort

“Please don’t let them hurt me..” I whimpered he looked around the room and asked me to grab the phone that was located a bit away from him.

He dialled a number and started talking, sounding rushed he spoke quickly: “Something, wrong, hurry, help, MA-“ “Hello?Hello?” He looked at me, with eyes that were trying to speak for him.

They cut the phone lines, “Hey Lullaby are you ready?” I grabbed his hand and shook my head violently; he gripped back and smiled reassuringly.

“I won’t let them”. They walked in and looked at us. “It’s not going to happen…” Casey said watching me and carefully.

"If you touch her or the child, I will rip every nerve from your body." I smiled he was so defensive I was so happy. 
“A injured man is going to stop us? I can’t wait to see this” I looked at them angrily. 
“Hey shut your mouth!” I yelled back, they walked up and grabbed me forcefully again; I was so scared of them hurting the baby.

Casey gripped me tighter refusing to let go, he held on because as of now my life depended on it, “Lullaby…” he whispered “..I won’t let you go”. He got up standing in front of me and pushing the men off glaring at them.

This fight continued for half an hour we struggled and fought and pulled and yelled, finally they managed to drag me away from Casey, not without protest though. We made it to the operation room again.

I don’t want to see no more, I don’t want to feel no more, I don’t want this anymore, please make this stop. I closed my eyes tightly, I wanted this all to end.

I heard the doors fling open, and someone walk in, it was Mystery? She didn’t seem happy I could feel tension in the air, tension.

“Get your goddamn fucking hands off her now!” she yelled a few lights in the room blew out and the sparks flew around the room, MASC men pulled back, even I flinched a bit. Mystery grabbed my hand, softer, kinder, despite her anger.

I passed out shortly after, when I awoke I was in my bed, could it have all been a dream? Mystery walked in with sandwiches, “Lullaby how are you feeling?” that name it felt unreal, as if it didn’t belong to me.

“I’m good, just hungry” slowly I grabbed a sandwich and started eating.

The truth is I cant tell if I’m hungry or not anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Lullaby, I'm sorry this happened to you right after I left. If I could have been there to help I would have fucking beat the shit out of those soldiers.

    Please stay safe, I'll be home soon. You make a list of these guys that tried to harm you and I'll personally greet each one of them when I come home.

    Keep strong, Lullaby.