The promise and the missing link.

A promise is a promise and Lucas promised me he would teach them to use the Katana. But heres the truth i didn't expect to be the one using the sword, "its up to you to be the one in control"

fuck.

Lucas told me to draw the blade from the saya. The only other time ive ever heard the term saya be used was from a game i played.... saya no uta, I loved that game. 18+, hehe.

Lucas grabbed a stick and showed me each move, at first i was scared as hell I knew i would screw up, or felt as if i would. I payed close attention, I was in fact holding the weapon that could bring Lucas to his early grave, although that was never my intention anything can happen in this world.

anything at all.

"Got it?" I nodded quickly, maybe one day I could answer yes to questions like this.

Lucas stood infront of me, not directly infront of me but where the oppenent should stand when sword fighting, I relised that he wouldnt be moving (something he explained to me) it really all was up to me to not kill him.

I brought the sword up, swinging it over my head and then back down, the weight brought it down a little faster then what I wished and Lucas didn't flinch he stood damn still, did he had faith in me that i could control this? I stoped it with my right hand holding the handle tightly, it was just above Lucas' head. "Men..."

My eyes never left his, I was told to make sure of this, and dammit if i was going to do this I was going to do this right the first time.

I did it again, my breath hitched as I tried to stop the blade at the wrists of Lucas. I bit my lip as I gripped the sword tightly once more stopping it inches before his wrist. "Kote."

Again, twisting the blade just like he showed me so it swung horizontal, stopping at his waist. "Do...."

The fourth motion was the hardest Lucas took one step back and then I lunged forward, aiming for his neck, I almost couldnt stop myself it was a scary thought the idea that I wanted to feel the blade softly cut through someones skin.

I couldnt hold the sword anymore, just before it reached his neck I dropped it, I wanted to kill?

"Tsuki." I whispered, falling to my knees. I gave him back his sword and saya and told him not to let me near that sword anymore but thanked him for teaching me some moves.

Then I ran back inside Dollmaker stayed out and watched Lucas for a bit, she was quiet.

Most my sheets were on the floor, I dont sleep at all anymore I use it get a bit of rest but now I just have given up compleatly I just lay on my sheets and stare at nothing, thinking. Dollmaker entered my room shortly after,  its still a bit strange seeing her walking around on her own.

'Lullaby...'

"what?"

'Your sister....its your fault she's dead...'


"My...sister? What the fuck are you saying, where do you have the right to come up with these statements your making!?"

'if you hadn't have left you could have protected her, her and your father, its your fault there dead, no one else knows, no one but you. No one saw the way your father die by your hands, by your creation....no one saw the way your sist-"

"by MY creation, MY hands? SHUT UP Hardly my creation!I left to protect them!"


"your slightly slow Lullaby, haven't you figured it out yet?"

"What?! What is it!"

Dollmaker grew very quiet and very, very upset, "You haven't got a clue have you? You idiot...".
She left my room just after that, i guess she was really ticked off because the second she left I grabbed the hardest object I could and threw it at the wall.

what link am I missing?
what clue have I forgotten?