Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Baby Doll.

Daddy you would call me that right?
Baby doll....you would call me your baby girl as you smoothed out my hair and walked with me.
I think you would, because I’m innocent like a small doll, innocent, innocent hahahahha.

Innocents only last a short time, shorter than the summer that people experience, shorter than the brisk feeling and sting of a heartbreak or being alone. Hell shorter than life itself, but for me innocence decided to be short, just almost none existent, because for me well I am not

What does normal entitle, the ability to work 7 hours shifts in a small cube live a life with a family of a wife or husband with two kids a fish and a dog, maybe a cat.....

No I'm the blood chilling kind of not normal, waking up to a set of flashbacks of my past, of the people that died by my hands 'mercy' killing so help me god if i hear the title again I will snap someone’s neck so quickly they won’t know they died.
Does anyone really know that they died?

I was a baby doll, cute and innocent, now I’m going crazy.
Maybe I was always crazy....I just didn’t know. Anyways for you who DONT know me, I'll make sure you do:

My name is Lullaby, well my 'name' is Lullaby, as for what I would like to be called Doll Maker...what I would 'like' to be called, not that you'll call me that and chances are I'll go around calling myself Lullaby. Pathetic. DM, Kind of like my mother DeMii, what a confusion my mulitipersonalities caused, I'm good, I'm evil, I don't know what happened, I am the cause of what happened.

I can't stop remembering and its driving me insane, I thought I could handle it at first, i mean at first it was urges, like how a druggie is always ready to shoot up to get his fix. He's fine once he gets his fix then he needs it again and again...did I just say he? I meant them...or they...they sounds better.

Mice, those pesky rodent’s that wander around the ground, picking up small crumbs of food and eating it, I collect them, I never had much else to do and mother slept a lot. I would pick them up by their tails, they didn’t seem to fight much after a while, and they kind of just looked at me confused and scared. I would collect many of them, White was my prize, only because the colour collects blood so well, the white fur is usually stained crimson within a few seconds, I created red mice :).

Anyways the other colours usually there fur just because sticky with the smell of death, it was kind of sad; i only wish they could look as beautiful as the white mice did. The brown ones collected the colour faintly, lighter brown collected it a little better but black mice angered me, I usually treated them very unfairly because they didn’t show the blood so well.


I'm a bad person.
I ignored the mice soon because they didn’t amuse me for much longer, next to that twisting their minds was hard, they never listened no matter how hard I tried to break there will, because by the time i broke the will they were dead, thank god most humans are not like that or else I would have a lot of trouble.

I moved onto bigger creatures, birds, they were not as easy to catch but it was worthwhile, I remember breaking one perfectly, it was a beautiful blue bird, I held it in my hands slowly spreading its wings to examine its body fully, i forgot how delicate they were because i snapped its left wing by accident, it never made a sound or struggle it kind of just laid there breathing softly.

I took out a knife I had found, i placed the tip of it at the birds feathered neck slowly cutting, then I cut my own thumb letting my blood flow into its veins I smiled as it looked at me with darker black eyes, almost as if it wanted to stay by me for the rest of its short life, I became excited.

I created a 'doll'.
Yeah that’s how you do it, it break into there will slightly once inside their mind your just bleed into them and they will obey you, sadly you’re not me and therefore you don’t have this ability, so don’t go trying because you will end up with some dead guy.....

I said guy again, some dead person on your hands.
He he.

I showed my mom the bird, she didn't see it, maybe because it was a bird, but i decided not to bring up the fact it was MY bird, it belonged to ME.
She just told me to clean up.

I did.

I moved on more and more, a few more birds none of who felt the same as that small blue bird, I tried two cats, both seemed to work beautifully they stayed with me until I got bored...then I killed them, I had a dog to, but I had to kill him quicker in case Shady or Mother found out.

Blood, if you think it kind of smells like intoxicating, beautiful, inviting, god I became in love with it, next to its smell it felt so warm, like melted chocolate, caressing your fingers and warming your cool flesh, its sticky and beautiful crimson in colour.


I needed something more, something bigger than a dog, something more than an animal, something human, human....
And I would.

Baby doll I am, innocent and sweet dressed in all white, and my mother dressed me in a bright white jacket and small white shoes that fit snug around my feet. White like the mice, like the fur of the cat, like the teeth of the dog, I wonder if this dress would stain as nicely.

The fabric threatened to restrict my movement severely but i just smiled, not today it wouldn’t. "Lullaby..." Dollmaker I corrected without saying a word to upset her I looked up, my bangs slightly restricting my vision I cocked my head in a questioning matter.

"..We’re going for a walk, before the sunsets..." before the sunsets? What wrong mother? Are you scared of the dark? Scared of the slender man? he he...still, no one would follow us so did that mean no one would question anything that happened?

We walked a ways; I wasn't sure why we would walk so far, maybe an opening in the woods was close by that my mother knew. I noticed every landmark so I wouldn't get lost on my way back, I could feel myself becoming jittery and anxious, and the same way you would if you were excited.

I was excited.

The world seemed very still, in that moment it was still, the trees never swayed, wind never moaned, birds never flapped there wings, nothing was alive it all seemed dead.

I pulled at a thick branch, it bent forward, threating to crack under pressure and I succeeded a small snap the wood broke off and now rested in my hand. It was more heavy then what I originality thought it would be, it kind of balanced in my palm looking like a spear I wondered how well this would work.

Work for what you might ask? What I'm about to tell you is the true death of DeMii.
It goes like this:
I ran up and with my free hand I clenched onto hers, my body twisted so that I was quickly in front of her as she took a step forward I jerked my hand forward as well, the branch quickly broke through the thin cloth of the tank-top and through the layers of skin and flesh. I twisted it progressively letting it dig deeper and deeper.

I looked at her face, I wanted to know was I doing a good job, animals hardly so expressions of pain, I mean they do but they are very subtle that it was hard for me to notice but this.

Oh god this was so beautiful, her eyes shut tightly as she clenched her teeth sharply inhaling she let out a quick cry of pain, her hands gripping onto the wood she tried pushing back.

Fuck baby girl why are you so cold? Not even pain can tell you to stop...

I pushed it again, putting all of my body weight onto the branch, it ripped through something, possibly a vital organ, oh joy, it peeked through the other side of her body, and I had made a complete impalement goody me.

I was pushed back, my mother grabbed onto my shoulders shoving me back with great force, so great it tore the wood from her body and sent me to the ground, she stumbled back too and the branch flew across a small spot of land. 

Far away from me.

"L-lull-aby....." she spat out the words, I was shocked, and she was still living? Maybe humans had a better chance of survival, then again I remember she had been impaled before, I clenched my fist gathering the dirt in my hands I stared at her, the sun setting behind me I smiled sickly.

I was able to raise to my feet quickly, gathering her hair in my hands I pulled up and swiftly moved my foot so it collided with her jaw, it sent her tumbling back slightly and I grinned again, reviling the knife I had hidden in my sleeve it glittered in the low light and rose a fear in DeMii's eyes.

"Don't be so scared mommy...” I said bending to my knees I took her chin in my hand and placed the blade to the corner of her lip.

"This won’t hurt a bit"

I slit up upwards, cutting a neat line through her skin, after that it was all blind cuts, I just raised the knife and brought it down, raised it up and sliced it down, side to side in a zig zag, the sound of tearing flesh and the smell of blood caused me to cut more and deeper until she clawed at my arm, screaming and crying.

I tore myself away, looking at her brilliantly, and my creation, mine? She covered her face and sobbed.
"Now mommy, don't hide yourself from me"
I kicked her side softly, causing her to roll over without protest, it was great, I sat on her stomach, the blood was drying but still wet and I grabbed her wrist, holding them over her head what I saw could not be called a person.

Blood soken face, hardly able to tell where skin and under layers of flesh met, her left eye had been slit open in one of my blind swings, hard to describe what it looked like, pulsing, blood, gel, liquid. Her lips in a permit smile, her other eye shut tightly.


I could feel her trying to grab me, her hands still in mine as I stared at her destroyed body, I realized in this state she would not be worthy to be called one of my dolls, in fact no matter what she was ruined.

Might as well end her.

I stood dragging her up a little, she winced at the pain and with that I stepped on her throat, she coughed lightly, was it normal human reaction to want to live even in this sort of situation? I felt sorry for her, honestly, even like this she would die slowly and painfully and I was trying to help her.

I pushed my foot down harder, feeling below me her throat crushing, bending and....

...and breaking.
She seemed to fall limp, giving up, stopping all action, all movement ceased.

And the sun, it was lowering over the land, shining dimly on her body, on my stained hands and over my small blood soaked legs.
"Baby girl, mommy loves you"
I kicked her body out of boredom, it kind of just fell back, and then I sat beside her, petting her hair down across her face.

A swampy pond was somewhere close to here, I decided to drag her there, it wasn’t much fun, but we, 'we', found it. I washed the blood from my body and looked at DeMii.
I wanted to break her legs, just to make sure she wouldn’t walk out, I twisted the limb pushing it down with the weight of my body I heard a crack and smiled seeing the leg fall back unnaturally twisted and shattered.

The other proved to be a problem, I hardly had the strength to lift it, so i leaned back onto it, sitting on the body part I heard it crack, and I felt it break.
I felt it break, the bone sliced through not only DeMii's skin but my own as well, it cut through my flesh slightly and I pulled myself away instantly.

I fell to the ground, rolling in pain, the sun was low but I didn’t know the time at that moment all I knew was pain, the blood trickled down my leg, it was warm.
Why do people wine and complain about bleeding, it was nice, warm and soft.

I looked at the sky, a few stray birds passed by, as well as clouds.
It was nice, me laying on the ground, my dead mother beside me...


I started pushing her body into the water; it almost swallowed her, seeming to drag her down until even her hand was under the mucky water.

I started limping back, it was a slow walk, I didn’t care about the nature around me anymore, no one was around me anymore, and it was just I.

I had just killed someone...
Someone who was supposed to be important to me, someone who loved me.
No one can 'love' honestly, fuck no one knows....

No one...

The haven, 'haven' dubbed by whom, some stupid place I was supposed to love, I almost wanted to burn it, I wasn’t that far from it...
I was exhausted.
I fell to the ground, eyes half closed i could feel myself wanting to let go, I was tired, maybe if I call someone.

'Someone... .’ I called out weakly I pushed myself to try again when no one responded.
A deep breath.
'SOMEONE!" I screamed tears stinging my eyes as i exerted myself and passed out.

I woke up with Shady looking at me concerned.
"My mother..." I whimpered
I acted, I acted well, and I pretended to be scared.

"DeMii, they came from nowhere, and I watched them they hurt her and dragged her away from me, then they cut me and I ran, I was so scared, Shady I don’t know where they took her...."

I winced as some pressure was applied to my leg, Shady gave a few orders, from what I got was 'wood's' 'now' 'search' 'body'

and everyone left me, I asked to be alone, I begged Shady to leave me and go with them I said i would be ok...she was reluctant but i told her my mother needed her more than i did, I was safe now in this.....this...

"Haven...” I said it, I choked the words out, and I smiled weakly as she left.

I got out of the bed and rooted through my mother’s bag deciding to only take what I could fit in my pockets.
Money, cellphone, charger, flash light, and of course Desha.

I knew that letter, the one that poked out from her bag I took it out and smoothed it out:

'Dear Shady,

  Don't be alarmed but once you receive this letter I will be dead.
I'm writing it so you'll know that even in death, I love you.
I don’t think I will last much longer anyways, I can feel something coming
Something neither of us can stop, but we both have to accept it fully, Shady
I leave my belongings, although very little, all of them i leave to you. And Shady
I leave my most precious belonging of all to you, Lullaby. Take care of her my
Beautiful Shady.....
I love you.


I placed the letter on the table where she would surly see it, along with a small note from me:

It's Lullaby
Check my mother’s blog, there you will find everything......
Here is my phone number...I put it on a scrap piece of paper under the letter
Take care
Stay safe

And remember.....
....just keep remembering...


I think I should go on an adventure.....
Wonder who i could find who wants the same...

Goodbye Shady...

1 comment:

  1. You're adorable :D

    Shady, can we make one just like her please? PLEASE? Hehehe