Alive!

Finally infection going away, back home too.
My grandma phoned over to check on me.

I had to ask her, maybe she would know something about the dollmaker.
She did.
A lot.

Apprarently it's like a curse your either born with it or your not.
She compared it to cancer cells, we all have them but only some people have them awakened.
I guess you COULD compare it to cancer, but she DID say your either born with it or your not.

She said the dollmaker is like a separated personality who's primary concern is to serve a master, it will die serving him and is loyal it him only.
Weird.

It usually awakens when the host is in grave danger or when the host is angered enough, It puts the host in a sleep like state and awakens.
It will kill without second thought,but it will act innocent and try to befriend first.
It will make it seems as if its doing nothing wrong or its trying to find its way
It will not regret, it will try to break people to make them into a doll like human.

Hearing all this sent me into a spiral of mixed emotions.

Can you destroy it?

Yes.
This gave me hope.

You must find a way to septate the two people, the host and the dollmaker, then the host, the real human must kill the dollmaker in the most gruesome way, I could hardly believe the words that my grandmother was saying, there for I think it's better if I spare you the nightmares.

Let's say it will NOT be a good sight when I'm done with it.
Assuming I can go through with it.

First step is to find a way to separate it from me.

Any Ideas?

Hoping
-I_L

friend/foe?

Hey.
I'm semi-alive I like to think I'll never be alive because a part of me can't sleep.

Maybe because Mr.noface follows mii too.
Maybe because proxies won't stop leave me lovely dead animals.
Maybe because I'm half insane.

All of the above//>?
Dammit.
My 'friend' got her nose pierced, personally I think it looks:
Super fucking ridicules, its Ugly as fucking hell and I almost punched her in the face when I saw her.
No joke she lied to me too.


she said 'Oh no I wont get it done' when I asked her about it.
Pops in Wednesday 'Oh hi' *Tries to hug me* I pushed her away.
I FUCKING HATE HER RIGHT NOW!


I don't think I've ever been SO mad at someone.
'Oh but I'm still the same me as yesterday'
Yeah with a fucking silver thing attached to your FUCKING NOSE!\
'Oh but I'll only have it in for a little while then I can get a pretty rhinestone'
I REALLY hope you fucking wake up one day and look into the mirror and regret ever getting it done!.
I really do 
Needless to say I stopped talking to her all together, not so hard because I'm so mad at her.

She walked up to me and tried to apologize
stammering like a stupid child
I laughed at her and told her I didn't give a dam anymore, she could do what she wanted because I was no longer involved in her life.
She begged me to just talk to her.
I said no.
I said soon it wouldn't matter.
I said I would be gone.
I didn't say goodbye.
I didn't say how I hated how she fucking lied to me.
I didn't say how hurt I was.
I didn't say how much I loathed her.

I didn't say a lot of things I should have.

she was right it was her choice to get it.
but it's my choice on my opinion.

She's right I'm a bitch because I stopped talking to her because of that one thing,
but she don't know its was because of a lot of things,
She don't know that when I stopped talking to her all her other little friends stopped talking to me.
The people who I THOUGHT were my friends
Aren't they wont talk to me because I wont talk to her.

Jack asses.
what the hell?!
as if I didn't have enough issues.
I can't wait till two of them graduate and I never have to see them again.
then next year its her and her boyfriend.
Her and her FUCKING boyfriend.


Screw them.
Screw life.
Screw slenderman.
FUCK HIM, LEAVE ME ALONE, get out of my head slenderman, you think your so good?


What is it you even want of me?
To make me a follower? A proxie? you want me to work for you? do you wanna kill me?




 I'm running away soon, pretty damn soon.
God know's where, all I know is to get off this place and somewhere far away.
Somewhere far far away.
From everything, everyone.




 'Do you wanna play a game? I'll play a game I'll set the stage and you will run, I'll follow you with careful steps, I'm just behind you peek-a-boo'
What the hell does that mean?

Confusion

-I_L

 

Update on Jessica.

StillMissing.

Her parent's will not be on any news station or any radio broadcast, nor any newspaper articles.
This is a very touchy subject for them, they refuse to let the public know, my parents would do the same for me it's the way my family is.

My mother was on the phone with my aunt all day crying I felt so pathetic I couldn't do or say anything to comfort her.
'It's OK' is a lie
'She'll come home' is false
because I don't even know if we will find her, if my dream is right slenderman could have done anything to her, killed her, hollowed her, taken her somewhere we will never find.

I wrapped her in a blanket she's asleep.
My aunt just called, "Baby, Jessica..she left us..why"
"Jessica never did anything, I will personally find the person responsible and rip them apart with my bare hands" was that the best type I could offer?

Was it the only truth I could create?
I would rip them apart I swear to God almighty, I will tear there beating heart out and make them pay.

I won't stop until Jessica is found.
I won't rest until she is safe.

-I_L

Natural sleep.insomniatic lullaby

Natural sleep, something beautiful I have yet to discover.
But my body can't handle, what I have handed over.
So as for now let an insomniatic sleep rush over me.
And maybe In the morning, I'll learn to dream again.





-I_L

Mom forced the pills on me.

I refused to take them after last night, I reached over to give her a kiss she was researching on Insomnia...
I hate making her worry.

Mother I love you.

                                                                                                                                             -I_L

Mythical creatures and Me

8:45 PM
I LOVE mythical creatures.

One site I use to visit a lot was http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com Although last night was the first time in a year I have visited it.

I decided to visit the fictional creatures page although all together there is only 22 on that one page. I myself have only really looked at 3-4 of them, maybe I'll look at more later on maybe it'll give me something to do Haha.

Did I mention I write poetry and I walk a lot, I went for a walk today it was pouring rain so I got really wet. I was looking on YouTube for some good music I enjoy Requiem for a Dream a lot so I finally got it onto my Ipod.

I also love Miku Hatsune.

10:53 PM

(sorry I left but didn't just wanna post this so i kept it open and came back up at this time)

It's dark out now I think the rain also died out but it's foggy, I was never fond of the fog it's just eerie epically when the street lights turn on and its dark out. 

*shivers*

I have school tomorrow, only 1 week left till exams i'm excited that schools almost done! I'll also be 17 soon then next year ill be graduated Uh its all so scary yet...somehow..exciting.

I'm sleepy..maybe just exhausted not sleepy, no maybe I am sleepy....I think its..I just can't sleep.

I'm going to study my Japanese for as longs as I can tonight..Then read the Bible...maybe try some camomille tea, maybe warm milk watch a little bit of TV.

I have a feeling it will all fail though..in which case my final option at 2:30 am would be to research mythical creatures.  

Outta curiosity who knows anything about something called 'slender man' ?

it was the second last creature on the list of 22 creatures I haven't clicked the link yet but I wanna know if I should.

hummm.....

ah well.

Its 11:16 time to study Japanese....
                                                                 I might post tomorrow morning if I'm not gone for a walk.