Mistake.

I was playing outside with Dollmaker, it was OK something to distract me for a little while.

'Your father-' 
My father, why was she bringing up my family?
'-Was looking for you"

"Huh?"

"As we speak he is being made into a gift...for you, father told me last night when I wandered out...'

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS SOONER?! Tell slenderman if he does ANYTHING to-"

'Father won't he has no reason too...He is not the one anyways, it is another, it is another who is harming your father"
Harming. No...Damn it.

'Then tell him to make whoever is doing anything to my father to go and di-'

'He cannot'

"He cannot or He WILL not'

'He will not'

"Why the hell not?!" I said in a irrated tone she shrugged.

"You must on your own...he is YOUR father after all'

"No I don't know where he is or...DAMMIT" I screamed and picked her up running away from the mansion.
I was running through the wood's feeling the ground crunch under me I just kept running, and running.
I had no idea WHERE I was headed, this was no good.

'Lullaby...you foolish girl you’re setting yourself wide open for a prox-'

'Listen Dollmaker, I don't care, my father is out there and it’s MY fault this time...so shut up ok just shut the hell up and let me find him!"

'listen you little witch...proxies are bound to come after you now that your more open for an attack, and believe me they will get any chance they can to hurt you so-"

"And let me guess you'll stand there and let them?! You would kill Jessica or any human if they became too close to me but you won't kill a proxy if it tries to hurt me? HUH!?"

'That's not it...Lullaby listen I-"

I stopped running and put her to the ground. "Go on your free...just leave me alone OK! You tried to control my life since i was born. So get the hell out of it!”

As I ran away I heard her little voice fade from my head. 'LULLABY WAIT!Lullaby...lullaby you cant go on your own..lull-'

Now I believe I made an error, only an hour after running away from Dollmaker I can hardly move and everything feels fuzzy.
What have I done?

I think I've gotten sick three times already within the past twenty minutes but I’m not so sure, I lost track of time, I think it’s night I can hardly tell; I shouldn’t have left her in the woods.

I have to sleep, I.
Father...I want you to...please..just..be OK.

And then it *clicked*

Shady's back.
This makes me very happy.
Although I have little to post here this time, Dollmaker has been acting very strange lately she's constantly gripping onto my arms tightly.

She's also been muttering weird things lately:

I hate her, I really hate her...we will never be alone...because I have you, yet I have become nothing more than a doll. I am completely useless too you now. I should not exist in this world. Kill me.


I can't understand what's come over her, but it's causing a pain in my gut that is telling me its not good.

I also had a dream:
I was wandering around a city no Dollmaker just lifeless wind up human like dolls.
I was just walking around this colorless city for hours until I heard a soft voice.

'I won't leave a single man alive, I never wanted to leave you, I wanted to be with you! I'm here, I'll always be here.'
At that moment the 'dolls' came to life and the doll maker stood in the center of them holding out her hands, her human hands with her old sick twisted smile.
'This is the life you always dreamed of, all these dolls can be your friends I can control these dolls come with me deeper into this dream, you can stay here forever.’ 
her eyes now black as she looked deep into mine. 'Stay here, forever..."

"I don't want this dream!" I cried out, waking up the Dollmaker who just looked at me, she seemed confused.

'What is wrong Lullaby?' she asked me cocking her head.
Did she really not influence that dream?
She herself was asleep when I awoke, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and curled up clutching the fabric of my shirt.
The Dollmaker too clutched the fabric of her dress around her chest area and let out what presumed to be a small gasp for air or a low cry.

"M-my chest it hurts. Lullaby it hurts" she said.
She honestly sounded as if she was in pain.
"P-please, Lullaby make it stop...”

Unsure of what was happening I got scared quickly collecting the doll into my arms I hugged it tightly feeling the warm strands of tears roll down my cheeks.
And we both stopped feeling pain.

And that's when it clicked.
We can feel each others pain.

Vancouver to the States.

This is it.

I'm not sure if sitting in this airport, halfway in tears is the best way to leave my home country.

I'm not sure if holding onto myself tightly and curled up is the best way to say goodbye.

But right now it’s all I feel, I know I have to get out, I'm just reflecting thoughts.

Jessica I'm sorry your life ended so violently, I wish I could have protected you better I wish I could hold onto you and just mutter my apologies but your gone, I love you were ever you are.

Mother and father I wasn't the best child I'm sorry if I made a fool out of you sometimes, I swear I tried my best but I guess it's my fault I'm leaving, I got myself into this mess and I'll find a way out and then I'll come home safe and sound. I love you both, I'm so sorry.

Little sister I know the world may seem confusing and you'll question why I'm leaving and I'm sorry I never got to teach you the beauty of this world and I'm sorry if I ever did anything stupid to hurt you, I love you and always will.

To the people in this world forgive me that I'm not like everyone else, but my heart still beats like yours and I still breath like you do so we have the same drive to survive therefore I'm still like you, I still deserve a chance to live, at least give me that.

Dear dollmaker and slenderman, I'm letting you know NOTHING will stop me now, as long as this heart 

keeps beating and as long as I keep breathing I will use every ounce of my strength to make sure I stay alive.

I don't think right now I have room for fear or doubts I have to continue looking ahead.

If there is a ground below me and a sky above me I will forever feel safe.

If there are stars I will forever have a path to guide me.

Keeping this in mind I must be going, he's here to pick me up.

Swallow your fear, and just keep moving.

And I will be there beside you.

I promise

Hope to meet some of you soon.

-I_L

running.

Couldn't kill her, I tried.
She tried to kill me, and almost won.

We stood there staring at each other, she wasn't anywhere near any nightmarish image, more like a beautiful angel, hard to imagine.
She almost shone with a white light.

She laughed like a child as she brought the knife down and all I could do was life my arms as a defense.
Slash
Blood splatter
slash
extreme pain
Slash
more of the sound of flesh ripping.

I took the knife by my hands and turned it on her, (the knife left deep cuts in both my hands) impaling it into her stomach, hearing her scream sent shivers down my spine.
I ripped out the knife and felt the serrated edge tear more of her flesh as I pulled with a upwards pull.
once out I didn't stop, stabbing her again in her shoulder with the same upwards tearing motion.

She smile and grabbed my chest twisting the flesh it in a counter clockwise way, her nails dug into it causing blood to run down her fingers, I winced in pain.
And with that smile she spoke 'This body will be mine'.

She was stronger then what her tiny body looked like.
I gripped her arm and tried pulling her away but she was focused on tearing my skin away from me.
I used the knife on her again, right into her eye.

she instantly pulled away covering her face, screeching in pain, swearing at me.
'You fucking bitch, I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you, Father..please help father.'

That's when help came in, that's when slenderman came in, and even though he does no have a face he looked pissed.

The last thing I remember is seeing his hands wrapping around my neck and the feeling of a death overcoming me.

I awoke out of breath and terrified my heart beating too fast and my body hurt to much to move.
I'm leaving.
I have to go even if this demon child is inside me I need to find help from someone who can help me rid of her.

I've looked at my map, I'm going to somehow cross the canadian/us border.
I have a girl who's willing to drive me to the border although she say's I'll have to get my own way from there.
That's perfectly fine.
She's going to pay for my plane ticket, then she will take me straight to the border.

I'm scared of what's going to happen from here on in.
But I do have to leave.

I may go to New Jersey, Possibly New York.
To Mystery and Shady be on the look out for me, you may or may not see me.

Joel and Lucas, we may cross paths.

This is it.
Even with the doll maker I must go forward.
I can't risk killing anyone I know well.


Father, Mother forgive me, I know I am not the daughter you've always asked for but up to this point I have tried my hardest.
Sister, I love you, you may not understand why I am gone, but understand I have to leave.

Slenderman, Dollmaker, Proxies.
I HATE YOU.

Running.

-I_L

yes?

finals are done.
I am free..
Wait am I?
I don't know anymore who's in control.

Let me explain:

some time this morning I awoke in the woods, all I could do was look up into the dark night, the stars and moon were still up which means it must have been early morning and the ground was a little damp, I assume from the rainfall we've been having.
It was peaceful so I just enjoyed it, the fresh smell of grass and sweet water filled the cool night air, I don't think I enjoyed the night so much as this one time.
My hand's felt warm, unnaturally warm, as if someone was pouring a hot, warm liquid over them. At first the feeling was weird but I grew use to it.

I was growing aware more and more of my surroundings as I sat up at looked around, the moon illuminated every tree and moss filled surface, the sound of the waterfall that is just outside my community seemed closer then ever.
It seemed as if I was slowly becoming aware of my senses, touch the liquid, smell the grass and air, see the light, hear the noises, taste the copper.

The copper that was on my lips, the copper that stained my pale lips a blood soaken red as I soon learned from rubbing my fingers across my bottom lip the colour of red appeared on my fingers.
It was blood, not the lipstick on my makeup drawer, which was home the place I sure of hell wasn't.

The feeling of something beating, squirming and twitching in my other hand, the one that was on the wet moss I squeezed it unsure of what it was soft and warm.
there was a  gurgling, a soft whimper and noise of splurting, those un-human noises will never leave my dreams.

It was him, the guy who had injured me, his chest was sliced perfectly around his heart, his bloody, beating, dying heart that was in my hand.
He was unable to speak for the only thing coming from his mouth now was blood, warm thick blood that glimmered in the moon's light down his pale, dying face.
His hand's reached out to mine, as if begging for me to save him.
I couldn't help, I shuffle back, tears mixed with the dried blood on my face.

I noticed everything now, all my surroundings became perfectly clear, all the blood that mixed with the dirt and moss, how the trees swayed in the soft breeze.
And the terrified scream that escaped from my lips.
And the way that fucking maniac smiled, the way that he turned his lips for one last time before I crushed his heart in my hand's.
before I really put an end to him.

I came home, bloodied up, and washed the best I could of my sins away down the drain.
How I acted like nothing happened.
But inside I was still terrified, of that face, that smile, that still beating heart and how I killed him.

He was still alive when I crushed his only life in my hands.
I'm a killer.
I'm worthless.
I'm scared.
I need to get away.
Who am I
What is my purpose for living?

should I run?
Where could I run
I need to kill someone
It will be my last kill
It will be my only purposeful murder, the only one I will choose to commit with these two bare hands.

I need to kill the doll maker.
I need to kill that fucking girl, I don't see mii anymore.
Its her fucking face, her laugh her thoughts I'm not living my life.
and its scaring me.

Planning

-I_L

The Dollmaker

So this is Melissa's blog?
Finally got to see it.
Read through it.

Seem's like she hasn't been sleeping, seem's like she want's rid of me
why would she want to rid of me?
I'm protecting her.
I'm saving her.

Odd child she was to begin with
Oh father, please just give me full control.
I'll be good and create lot's of dolls.

I do apologize for what she had to go through with that one stray.
He shouldn't have tried to awaken me again before my time.
He will pay.
I'll make him pay.
He busted up my beautiful body, my poor leg.

I guess I should track the stray down, father wouldn't be happy if we have a broken doll running around attacking those who father doesn't want attacked.
What a pain.
I think Ill have tea first, and change out of these clothes into a nice dress.
It's nice to be in control again.

-The Dollmaker

Alive!

Finally infection going away, back home too.
My grandma phoned over to check on me.

I had to ask her, maybe she would know something about the dollmaker.
She did.
A lot.

Apprarently it's like a curse your either born with it or your not.
She compared it to cancer cells, we all have them but only some people have them awakened.
I guess you COULD compare it to cancer, but she DID say your either born with it or your not.

She said the dollmaker is like a separated personality who's primary concern is to serve a master, it will die serving him and is loyal it him only.
Weird.

It usually awakens when the host is in grave danger or when the host is angered enough, It puts the host in a sleep like state and awakens.
It will kill without second thought,but it will act innocent and try to befriend first.
It will make it seems as if its doing nothing wrong or its trying to find its way
It will not regret, it will try to break people to make them into a doll like human.

Hearing all this sent me into a spiral of mixed emotions.

Can you destroy it?

Yes.
This gave me hope.

You must find a way to septate the two people, the host and the dollmaker, then the host, the real human must kill the dollmaker in the most gruesome way, I could hardly believe the words that my grandmother was saying, there for I think it's better if I spare you the nightmares.

Let's say it will NOT be a good sight when I'm done with it.
Assuming I can go through with it.

First step is to find a way to separate it from me.

Any Ideas?

Hoping
-I_L