New life.

I've been thinking a lot.
Too much?
Maybe.

mainly of my life where i'm going from here on in
Hell as long as i stay safe I guess it don't matter but why is it that we take risk's at a young age? I mean don't we ever remember that were human and were eventually gunna grow old.
 I've been thinking on if I'll ever get married or maybe someday settle down.
Sometime's I think too far ahead.
Scary.

It's officially summer with the hot muggy weather now giving my family a new reason to wine(funny actually they complained it was too cold and wasn't warming up fast enough and BAM beautiful hot day and they complain it's too hot. Guess its hard to adjust from winter jackets to summer shorts in a one day timespan)
I've been spending a lot of time on the roof, just staring out into the ocean wondering if I ran where on earth I would go, how far i would go, and if I could do it.
Can I do it? will I do it? well eventually, It seems so exciting get away stay away be free even for a day, until the real world hits down on you after awhile. I mean i'm 16, no steady job, no cash, no mode of transportation(excluding feet and bike) then it get's dark out and Slenderman is out there waiting and his little minions too, there all waiting.

The leaves are coming out, all of them are so beautiful this was her favorite time of the year, Jessica loved running around and looking at the leaves and the pussy willows.
I always had to remind her not to pick them because they were just about to give new life.
The dandelions are all blooming too the bright yellow flowers everyone call's weed's.
I picked a batch, there in my bedroom in a small vase.
I know there going to die soon, that makes mii sad.

Lately I've just wanted to sleep, thats all just sleep get up eat a little then go back to sleep.
It's very strange actually I never get like this, I ran at 6 this morning then came home and slept till 7:30 thats only 15 minutes for mii to get ready.

Not that I really gave a bloody hell, I just got on some clean clothing, did my makeup put on something so I wouldn't smell of sweat and got on the bus.
I won't talk to my friends there all too lovey dovey in with there boyfriends and girlfriends, I can't stand to think of having a relationship right now, last thing I need it to get someone else tangled in this mess.

And if they didn't get tangled I would need someone who A] would mind me and my emotional issues and B] wouldn't mind running away with mii.

It's really kind of a burden, that why I choose not to work with anyone.
Fear I'll just become a burden.

I had a dream last night, I saw Jessica she reached out her hand and when I took it she gave me a hug and said 'It's ok, I'm not in pain anymore, just go, keep going and don't stop, this will be the last time you see me but don't give up, you are what will keep my memory alive..because you are the only one who remembers me'

She smiled even though she was crying.
'I'll still watch you, like I promised just not under the stars'.

I woke up I felt calm and at peace.
but I know.
Slenderman, you will pay for taking my Jessica away from mii.
Hear that?
I hope so because when I get a hold of you you'll wish that you didn't lay one finger on her.
as for your little proxies and followers, I'll get rid of you too, one by one.

With hope

-I_L

Nightmare entry 1

Innocent child, she was so naive the way she walked up to him like He was a friend.

Her golden brown hair glittered in the sunlight it was at the park most children were playing at the swings or on the slide.
It was warm also, I remember feeling the sun on my skin on my bare leg's as a soft, warm wind blew.
I was watching over my mom's friend's kid's for the weekend, they were both swinging surrounded with other children.

All but her, the one girl who was looking at slenderman.
I tried to move, my body felt as if I was paralysed.
I know that feeling but I wanted to save her, I knew what he was going to do, I just knew it.
It begin to rain, most children and parents left.
The little one's I was looking after had umbrellas and were now playing in the rain.

She took his hand.
I tried moving, I tried too get up, only if to take a few steps, only if to scare him away, away from her.
But to fall face first into the hard wet ground and only being able looking up and watch as they walked away. into the oncoming mist. I felt so worthless.
"Jessica!" The mother cried out, her baby girl taken. "JESSICA!" she beeped her horn loudly.
That name.
I couldn't do anything but slowly force myself up from the watery dirt, looking over my shoulder there was a man who made a low chuckle.

'Your weak, Your worthless, you can't help anyone not even yourself, pathetic, stupid, waste.."
No one saw him, no one but me, the children walked past him as if he didn't exist.
"Babysitter are you OK?"
I nodded, "Just dirty let's go.." my eye's never left this man's face.
Who the Hell was he.
I then woke up.

My cousin is gone missing.
She's only 9 and she has golden brown hair.
Her name is Jessica.

I hate you slenderman

Insominatic children dream too...

Just differently from children that sleep we dream well awake we have more of a chance to see everything in a new light.

Of course I keep something called a dream diary, less or more of a 'memory diary' it keeps some of my past dreams from when i was 15

I guess I should also mention that the last two entries are from my diary.

Those two entries are from about a year ago(Give or take), I know a lot about the slender man actually..well now i do, maybe too much in fact...so much that I've literally been attacked by one of his proxies.

That damn proxy, stood there acting so innocent from back on he looked like a 15 year old boy who was, like me, walking early in the morning.

He turned around and his mask, at that moment I knew I was screwed, his mask was white with an X running through it both eyes were black and the lips were turned into a smirk.

I ran. I ran.I ran.I ran.I ran.I ran.I ran. and I just kept running until I passed out, I woke up in my bed room with a note in my hand's.

'found you'

Yes I know about the slender man because I kept looking, since last year June 19th...my birthday I turned 16.
so sue me for being in love with made up creatures, like Hoso and M and everyone else I have to keep going.

Even if It kills me I would rather be killed by slender man then by suicide

Mythical creatures and Me

8:45 PM
I LOVE mythical creatures.

One site I use to visit a lot was http://www.mythicalcreaturesguide.com Although last night was the first time in a year I have visited it.

I decided to visit the fictional creatures page although all together there is only 22 on that one page. I myself have only really looked at 3-4 of them, maybe I'll look at more later on maybe it'll give me something to do Haha.

Did I mention I write poetry and I walk a lot, I went for a walk today it was pouring rain so I got really wet. I was looking on YouTube for some good music I enjoy Requiem for a Dream a lot so I finally got it onto my Ipod.

I also love Miku Hatsune.

10:53 PM

(sorry I left but didn't just wanna post this so i kept it open and came back up at this time)

It's dark out now I think the rain also died out but it's foggy, I was never fond of the fog it's just eerie epically when the street lights turn on and its dark out. 

*shivers*

I have school tomorrow, only 1 week left till exams i'm excited that schools almost done! I'll also be 17 soon then next year ill be graduated Uh its all so scary yet...somehow..exciting.

I'm sleepy..maybe just exhausted not sleepy, no maybe I am sleepy....I think its..I just can't sleep.

I'm going to study my Japanese for as longs as I can tonight..Then read the Bible...maybe try some camomille tea, maybe warm milk watch a little bit of TV.

I have a feeling it will all fail though..in which case my final option at 2:30 am would be to research mythical creatures.  

Outta curiosity who knows anything about something called 'slender man' ?

it was the second last creature on the list of 22 creatures I haven't clicked the link yet but I wanna know if I should.

hummm.....

ah well.

Its 11:16 time to study Japanese....
                                                                 I might post tomorrow morning if I'm not gone for a walk.