And then it *clicked*

Shady's back.
This makes me very happy.
Although I have little to post here this time, Dollmaker has been acting very strange lately she's constantly gripping onto my arms tightly.

She's also been muttering weird things lately:

I hate her, I really hate her...we will never be alone...because I have you, yet I have become nothing more than a doll. I am completely useless too you now. I should not exist in this world. Kill me.


I can't understand what's come over her, but it's causing a pain in my gut that is telling me its not good.

I also had a dream:
I was wandering around a city no Dollmaker just lifeless wind up human like dolls.
I was just walking around this colorless city for hours until I heard a soft voice.

'I won't leave a single man alive, I never wanted to leave you, I wanted to be with you! I'm here, I'll always be here.'
At that moment the 'dolls' came to life and the doll maker stood in the center of them holding out her hands, her human hands with her old sick twisted smile.
'This is the life you always dreamed of, all these dolls can be your friends I can control these dolls come with me deeper into this dream, you can stay here forever.’ 
her eyes now black as she looked deep into mine. 'Stay here, forever..."

"I don't want this dream!" I cried out, waking up the Dollmaker who just looked at me, she seemed confused.

'What is wrong Lullaby?' she asked me cocking her head.
Did she really not influence that dream?
She herself was asleep when I awoke, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and curled up clutching the fabric of my shirt.
The Dollmaker too clutched the fabric of her dress around her chest area and let out what presumed to be a small gasp for air or a low cry.

"M-my chest it hurts. Lullaby it hurts" she said.
She honestly sounded as if she was in pain.
"P-please, Lullaby make it stop...”

Unsure of what was happening I got scared quickly collecting the doll into my arms I hugged it tightly feeling the warm strands of tears roll down my cheeks.
And we both stopped feeling pain.

And that's when it clicked.
We can feel each others pain.

Heartbeat stop. Sing for the Microphone Mii.

Nearly died.
I am Ok.
I am OK?
Am I OK?

been singing a lot apparently, not normal music (question mark;://(?), what is normal).
Song's about Him..Not good.
Actually found a recording I must have done, distorted and fuzzy.

'If you lead me out from the darkness, I'll lead you straight back in I'll lead you to the place, the place with the slenderman, soon you cannot hide, he'll thank me for this work and he'll give me all the dolls he calls them human C*white noise*es '

I got scared very scared.
Was that Mii singing?!
No not possibly my voice, not possible
I then tried to do another recording of a song I was writing Did not go over well I played it once and there was a blank part where i knew I had sung, amplified it then played it again.

went something like this.

'Who i-*silence*(Ps from here on it had to be amped) *fuzzy noise* love who is hate *Odd noise as if someone was vacuuming at the time AKA more different audio messing up* WHO WILL(yes it really amped up in the last part) then the rest was normal.

I saved the file.
I'll upload it to youtube so you can hear it, I did NOT(EMPHASES ON THE NOT) tweak it at all the only tweaking i did with the audio was amp it so I could hear it.
My head hurts.
so does my stomach.

I'm not well at all.

With dreams

-I_L

Natural sleep.insomniatic lullaby

Natural sleep, something beautiful I have yet to discover.
But my body can't handle, what I have handed over.
So as for now let an insomniatic sleep rush over me.
And maybe In the morning, I'll learn to dream again.





-I_L

Ambien

Ambien.

I was prescribed it by my doctor we've tried everything else.

Although I'm not sure If I wan't to sleep, where I haven't slept for so long I'm scared.

I can already feel the drugs kicking in actually, I feel a little bit tired not a lot. I'm scared of going into a sleep and then only seeing darkness, what if I don't dream? Worse what if I sleep walk?.

Maybe its just I'm scared of what I don't know. This drug is a short term drug and I really shouldn't be taking this medication but after talking with high level doctors and actually talking with the government(yes believe it or not we had to go that high just so if anything happens the doc's wont go to court example,I die.

Its all because the drug is meant for adults 18 years of age, not children 16 years of age.

Maybe sleep will be beautiful, I can't remember it, although I know scary things can happen I'm willing too take that risk.

-I_L, 11:47 PM. May 30,2011