Shady's back.
This makes me very happy.
Although I have little to post here this time, Dollmaker has been acting very strange lately she's constantly gripping onto my arms tightly.
She's also been muttering weird things lately:
I hate her, I really hate her...we will never be alone...because I have you, yet I have become nothing more than a doll. I am completely useless too you now. I should not exist in this world. Kill me.
I can't understand what's come over her, but it's causing a pain in my gut that is telling me its not good.
I also had a dream:
I was wandering around a city no Dollmaker just lifeless wind up human like dolls.
I was just walking around this colorless city for hours until I heard a soft voice.
'I won't leave a single man alive, I never wanted to leave you, I wanted to be with you! I'm here, I'll always be here.'
At that moment the 'dolls' came to life and the doll maker stood in the center of them holding out her hands, her human hands with her old sick twisted smile.
'This is the life you always dreamed of, all these dolls can be your friends I can control these dolls come with me deeper into this dream, you can stay here forever.’
her eyes now black as she looked deep into mine. 'Stay here, forever..."
"I don't want this dream!" I cried out, waking up the Dollmaker who just looked at me, she seemed confused.
'What is wrong Lullaby?' she asked me cocking her head.
Did she really not influence that dream?
She herself was asleep when I awoke, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and curled up clutching the fabric of my shirt.
The Dollmaker too clutched the fabric of her dress around her chest area and let out what presumed to be a small gasp for air or a low cry.
"M-my chest it hurts. Lullaby it hurts" she said.
She honestly sounded as if she was in pain.
"P-please, Lullaby make it stop...”
Unsure of what was happening I got scared quickly collecting the doll into my arms I hugged it tightly feeling the warm strands of tears roll down my cheeks.
And we both stopped feeling pain.
And that's when it clicked.
We can feel each others pain.
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
dreaming of a little girl
First off, Apologies
you shouldn't have heard me go on and on about my life's sob story, non the less hear THAT much swearing.
Second, my thoughts and Ideas.
Soon I'll be outta here, although i have no one to really turn to.
I know there are a lot of runners, but i'd have a better chance if I was in the US i'm so isolated around here.
that's what makes this all so incredibly difficult for mii.
Damn, damn, damn, damn.
Thirdly, I tip my hat to my followers who are putting up with my BS.
life's been so hard for mii, Jessica's death, Mr.Slenderman, a few proxies and my stupid so called friends.
Although I've been writing a detailed plan, for running, need a plan in case of emergencies.
If I can get to the US I will have more of a chance of finding others who are running, its GETTING to the US that the problem starts.
forgive me, for ranting about my bad day.
I'm so stressed.
Plus Ive been getting weirder and weirder cryptic messages, possibly from proxies.
'Hold onto your doll, hold onto it tight, that doll is your heart, hold it with your might, you are the last one, the last one on the list, even though we've called you crazy, your just a little girl who's smile makes us cringe. HE misses you Melissa.'
'Last one?', 'list?', 'We've?' 'HE?' who are these people? what the heck do they want? what list? what do they mean last one? and who is HE? and how do they know my name?
I mean I keep dreaming of a little girl, I've never seen her face and I've only seen her in the distance, but I keep seeing her.
Oh dear, this is turning into a nightmare.
wake me up?
tell mii that I'm dreaming?
I need a drink.
you shouldn't have heard me go on and on about my life's sob story, non the less hear THAT much swearing.
Second, my thoughts and Ideas.
Soon I'll be outta here, although i have no one to really turn to.
I know there are a lot of runners, but i'd have a better chance if I was in the US i'm so isolated around here.
that's what makes this all so incredibly difficult for mii.
Damn, damn, damn, damn.
Thirdly, I tip my hat to my followers who are putting up with my BS.
life's been so hard for mii, Jessica's death, Mr.Slenderman, a few proxies and my stupid so called friends.
Although I've been writing a detailed plan, for running, need a plan in case of emergencies.
If I can get to the US I will have more of a chance of finding others who are running, its GETTING to the US that the problem starts.
forgive me, for ranting about my bad day.
I'm so stressed.
Plus Ive been getting weirder and weirder cryptic messages, possibly from proxies.
'Hold onto your doll, hold onto it tight, that doll is your heart, hold it with your might, you are the last one, the last one on the list, even though we've called you crazy, your just a little girl who's smile makes us cringe. HE misses you Melissa.'
'Last one?', 'list?', 'We've?' 'HE?' who are these people? what the heck do they want? what list? what do they mean last one? and who is HE? and how do they know my name?
I mean I keep dreaming of a little girl, I've never seen her face and I've only seen her in the distance, but I keep seeing her.
Oh dear, this is turning into a nightmare.
wake me up?
tell mii that I'm dreaming?
I need a drink.
Monday, 6 June 2011
New life.
I've been thinking a lot.
Too much?
Maybe.
mainly of my life where i'm going from here on in
Hell as long as i stay safe I guess it don't matter but why is it that we take risk's at a young age? I mean don't we ever remember that were human and were eventually gunna grow old.
I've been thinking on if I'll ever get married or maybe someday settle down.
Sometime's I think too far ahead.
Scary.
It's officially summer with the hot muggy weather now giving my family a new reason to wine(funny actually they complained it was too cold and wasn't warming up fast enough and BAM beautiful hot day and they complain it's too hot. Guess its hard to adjust from winter jackets to summer shorts in a one day timespan)
I've been spending a lot of time on the roof, just staring out into the ocean wondering if I ran where on earth I would go, how far i would go, and if I could do it.
Can I do it? will I do it? well eventually, It seems so exciting get away stay away be free even for a day, until the real world hits down on you after awhile. I mean i'm 16, no steady job, no cash, no mode of transportation(excluding feet and bike) then it get's dark out and Slenderman is out there waiting and his little minions too, there all waiting.
The leaves are coming out, all of them are so beautiful this was her favorite time of the year, Jessica loved running around and looking at the leaves and the pussy willows.
I always had to remind her not to pick them because they were just about to give new life.
The dandelions are all blooming too the bright yellow flowers everyone call's weed's.
I picked a batch, there in my bedroom in a small vase.
I know there going to die soon, that makes mii sad.
Lately I've just wanted to sleep, thats all just sleep get up eat a little then go back to sleep.
It's very strange actually I never get like this, I ran at 6 this morning then came home and slept till 7:30 thats only 15 minutes for mii to get ready.
Not that I really gave a bloody hell, I just got on some clean clothing, did my makeup put on something so I wouldn't smell of sweat and got on the bus.
I won't talk to my friends there all too lovey dovey in with there boyfriends and girlfriends, I can't stand to think of having a relationship right now, last thing I need it to get someone else tangled in this mess.
And if they didn't get tangled I would need someone who A] would mind me and my emotional issues and B] wouldn't mind running away with mii.
It's really kind of a burden, that why I choose not to work with anyone.
Fear I'll just become a burden.
I had a dream last night, I saw Jessica she reached out her hand and when I took it she gave me a hug and said 'It's ok, I'm not in pain anymore, just go, keep going and don't stop, this will be the last time you see me but don't give up, you are what will keep my memory alive..because you are the only one who remembers me'
She smiled even though she was crying.
'I'll still watch you, like I promised just not under the stars'.
I woke up I felt calm and at peace.
but I know.
Slenderman, you will pay for taking my Jessica away from mii.
Hear that?
I hope so because when I get a hold of you you'll wish that you didn't lay one finger on her.
as for your little proxies and followers, I'll get rid of you too, one by one.
Too much?
Maybe.
mainly of my life where i'm going from here on in
Hell as long as i stay safe I guess it don't matter but why is it that we take risk's at a young age? I mean don't we ever remember that were human and were eventually gunna grow old.
I've been thinking on if I'll ever get married or maybe someday settle down.
Sometime's I think too far ahead.
Scary.
It's officially summer with the hot muggy weather now giving my family a new reason to wine(funny actually they complained it was too cold and wasn't warming up fast enough and BAM beautiful hot day and they complain it's too hot. Guess its hard to adjust from winter jackets to summer shorts in a one day timespan)
I've been spending a lot of time on the roof, just staring out into the ocean wondering if I ran where on earth I would go, how far i would go, and if I could do it.
Can I do it? will I do it? well eventually, It seems so exciting get away stay away be free even for a day, until the real world hits down on you after awhile. I mean i'm 16, no steady job, no cash, no mode of transportation(excluding feet and bike) then it get's dark out and Slenderman is out there waiting and his little minions too, there all waiting.
The leaves are coming out, all of them are so beautiful this was her favorite time of the year, Jessica loved running around and looking at the leaves and the pussy willows.
I always had to remind her not to pick them because they were just about to give new life.
The dandelions are all blooming too the bright yellow flowers everyone call's weed's.
I picked a batch, there in my bedroom in a small vase.
I know there going to die soon, that makes mii sad.
Lately I've just wanted to sleep, thats all just sleep get up eat a little then go back to sleep.
It's very strange actually I never get like this, I ran at 6 this morning then came home and slept till 7:30 thats only 15 minutes for mii to get ready.
Not that I really gave a bloody hell, I just got on some clean clothing, did my makeup put on something so I wouldn't smell of sweat and got on the bus.
I won't talk to my friends there all too lovey dovey in with there boyfriends and girlfriends, I can't stand to think of having a relationship right now, last thing I need it to get someone else tangled in this mess.
And if they didn't get tangled I would need someone who A] would mind me and my emotional issues and B] wouldn't mind running away with mii.
It's really kind of a burden, that why I choose not to work with anyone.
Fear I'll just become a burden.
I had a dream last night, I saw Jessica she reached out her hand and when I took it she gave me a hug and said 'It's ok, I'm not in pain anymore, just go, keep going and don't stop, this will be the last time you see me but don't give up, you are what will keep my memory alive..because you are the only one who remembers me'
She smiled even though she was crying.
'I'll still watch you, like I promised just not under the stars'.
I woke up I felt calm and at peace.
but I know.
Slenderman, you will pay for taking my Jessica away from mii.
Hear that?
I hope so because when I get a hold of you you'll wish that you didn't lay one finger on her.
as for your little proxies and followers, I'll get rid of you too, one by one.
With hope
-I_L
Friday, 3 June 2011
Update on Jessica.
StillMissing.
Her parent's will not be on any news station or any radio broadcast, nor any newspaper articles.
This is a very touchy subject for them, they refuse to let the public know, my parents would do the same for me it's the way my family is.
My mother was on the phone with my aunt all day crying I felt so pathetic I couldn't do or say anything to comfort her.
'It's OK' is a lie
'She'll come home' is false
because I don't even know if we will find her, if my dream is right slenderman could have done anything to her, killed her, hollowed her, taken her somewhere we will never find.
I wrapped her in a blanket she's asleep.
My aunt just called, "Baby, Jessica..she left us..why"
"Jessica never did anything, I will personally find the person responsible and rip them apart with my bare hands" was that the best type I could offer?
Was it the only truth I could create?
I would rip them apart I swear to God almighty, I will tear there beating heart out and make them pay.
I won't stop until Jessica is found.
I won't rest until she is safe.
Her parent's will not be on any news station or any radio broadcast, nor any newspaper articles.
This is a very touchy subject for them, they refuse to let the public know, my parents would do the same for me it's the way my family is.
My mother was on the phone with my aunt all day crying I felt so pathetic I couldn't do or say anything to comfort her.
'It's OK' is a lie
'She'll come home' is false
because I don't even know if we will find her, if my dream is right slenderman could have done anything to her, killed her, hollowed her, taken her somewhere we will never find.
I wrapped her in a blanket she's asleep.
My aunt just called, "Baby, Jessica..she left us..why"
"Jessica never did anything, I will personally find the person responsible and rip them apart with my bare hands" was that the best type I could offer?
Was it the only truth I could create?
I would rip them apart I swear to God almighty, I will tear there beating heart out and make them pay.
I won't stop until Jessica is found.
I won't rest until she is safe.
-I_L
Nightmare entry 1
Innocent child, she was so naive the way she walked up to him like He was a friend.
Her golden brown hair glittered in the sunlight it was at the park most children were playing at the swings or on the slide.
It was warm also, I remember feeling the sun on my skin on my bare leg's as a soft, warm wind blew.
I was watching over my mom's friend's kid's for the weekend, they were both swinging surrounded with other children.
All but her, the one girl who was looking at slenderman.
I tried to move, my body felt as if I was paralysed.
I know that feeling but I wanted to save her, I knew what he was going to do, I just knew it.
It begin to rain, most children and parents left.
The little one's I was looking after had umbrellas and were now playing in the rain.
She took his hand.
I tried moving, I tried too get up, only if to take a few steps, only if to scare him away, away from her.
But to fall face first into the hard wet ground and only being able looking up and watch as they walked away. into the oncoming mist. I felt so worthless.
"Jessica!" The mother cried out, her baby girl taken. "JESSICA!" she beeped her horn loudly.
That name.
I couldn't do anything but slowly force myself up from the watery dirt, looking over my shoulder there was a man who made a low chuckle.
'Your weak, Your worthless, you can't help anyone not even yourself, pathetic, stupid, waste.."
No one saw him, no one but me, the children walked past him as if he didn't exist.
"Babysitter are you OK?"
I nodded, "Just dirty let's go.." my eye's never left this man's face.
Who the Hell was he.
I then woke up.
My cousin is gone missing.
She's only 9 and she has golden brown hair.
Her name is Jessica.
I hate you slenderman
Her golden brown hair glittered in the sunlight it was at the park most children were playing at the swings or on the slide.
It was warm also, I remember feeling the sun on my skin on my bare leg's as a soft, warm wind blew.
I was watching over my mom's friend's kid's for the weekend, they were both swinging surrounded with other children.
All but her, the one girl who was looking at slenderman.
I tried to move, my body felt as if I was paralysed.
I know that feeling but I wanted to save her, I knew what he was going to do, I just knew it.
It begin to rain, most children and parents left.
The little one's I was looking after had umbrellas and were now playing in the rain.
She took his hand.
I tried moving, I tried too get up, only if to take a few steps, only if to scare him away, away from her.
But to fall face first into the hard wet ground and only being able looking up and watch as they walked away. into the oncoming mist. I felt so worthless.
"Jessica!" The mother cried out, her baby girl taken. "JESSICA!" she beeped her horn loudly.
That name.
I couldn't do anything but slowly force myself up from the watery dirt, looking over my shoulder there was a man who made a low chuckle.
'Your weak, Your worthless, you can't help anyone not even yourself, pathetic, stupid, waste.."
No one saw him, no one but me, the children walked past him as if he didn't exist.
"Babysitter are you OK?"
I nodded, "Just dirty let's go.." my eye's never left this man's face.
Who the Hell was he.
I then woke up.
My cousin is gone missing.
She's only 9 and she has golden brown hair.
Her name is Jessica.
I hate you slenderman
Monday, 30 May 2011
Ambien
Ambien.
I was prescribed it by my doctor we've tried everything else.
Although I'm not sure If I wan't to sleep, where I haven't slept for so long I'm scared.
I can already feel the drugs kicking in actually, I feel a little bit tired not a lot. I'm scared of going into a sleep and then only seeing darkness, what if I don't dream? Worse what if I sleep walk?.
Maybe its just I'm scared of what I don't know. This drug is a short term drug and I really shouldn't be taking this medication but after talking with high level doctors and actually talking with the government(yes believe it or not we had to go that high just so if anything happens the doc's wont go to court example,I die.
Its all because the drug is meant for adults 18 years of age, not children 16 years of age.
Maybe sleep will be beautiful, I can't remember it, although I know scary things can happen I'm willing too take that risk.
-I_L, 11:47 PM. May 30,2011
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