Lullaby

So much has happened, so much.

One day before baby Lullaby's birth, my fathers body was dragged from the woods, this caued me great panic.

A proper burial, my father would never meet his beloved grandaughter.

Baby lullaby has been born, healty, beautiful, she never cried at first, I got scared babys should cry right? It didnt take long before she did cry, her tiny blue eyes leaked clear tears.

Her small hands clenched and unclenched swiftly and she was wrapped up quickly. Once in my arms she stopped, looked up at me, her tiny lips pressed against each other, small blond hairs.

She was beautiful.

And she fell asleep.

Could I kill what I have created?

Mystery is gone....she, I wanted her to hold baby Lullaby once before she left. I remember she gave me a kiss on my forhead, it was soft, it seemed Non-existance.

I made her the godmother of little Lullaby.

I wish I could have told her that she was, I'm sure she would have been so happy....

I wish you the best, please dont forget us.

Trina and Shady, your both aunts now.

Doc, your a father.

And I'm a mother.

I love you

I know what happened between Lullaby and I may seem a bit confusing, I’ll explain in as simply as I can. 

From the beginning until a few days ago, Lullaby was writing, it was not me, Lullaby was writing the blog entries, Lullaby was the one who meet you all, Lullaby was the one running. I was, as you know me as, Dollmaker, DM, guess it may be confusing as DM has always stood for DeMii, too bad Lullaby could not remember that and had to give me a name like Dollmaker. And now I’m back, now it’s DeMii.

I thought maybe I should clear it up.

My baby is kicking now, I found out that it really is a girl, my baby’s a girl.

Doc has been my main comfort, and that’s all I’ve been around with, just him, I want to comfort him more so then anyone. I wish we could cuddle, but my belly is contently getting in the way, stupid belly. I want my baby, Lullaby, to have a great life.

I walked in with Doc after having lunch, I didn’t even say anything I just grabbed onto his hand and squeezed tightly. Slender man, Slender man, Slender man. I’m allowed to be angry if he hurts anyone I’ll..I’ll, I fight with my bare hands and kill him.

Kill him? What am I saying? I’m only a human the most I can do right now is protect the ones I love from that monster. Doc I want to protect you I love you so much, I know this all is scary, but I’m here.

“I love you…you know that right?”

“Yes”

“You know I will always love you, no matter what, right?”

He smiled and held me tightly, and I smiled as softly as I could and kissed him, Doc I want to be here to comfort you forever. But even I know forever is impossible, just something we say because some of us think were invincible.

But I will love you until I die, I promise you that.

I stayed with him all day, my hand never left his, I wanted to make sure he knew I was here for him. No matter what he thinks, even if he goes crazy, even if he thinks he’s insane and don’t want me no more….

I’m still going to be here.

/Coming Clean\

I guess I should come clean, I really should, and this will probably kill me if I don’t. Mystery, Shady, Doc, Trinity, Tim, Lucas, everyone please listen.

I lied.

I’m not Lullaby, I played as her, I played the part good did I not? You all believed me, it was blissful. You all know me as a ‘monster’ or ‘something evil’, I assure you I am not please don’t fear me, let me explain my story.

I am Dollmaker.

I am the original I guess you may call it ‘owner’ of this body; well the young lady you all know as Lullaby was and still is in fact the proxy. At 11 Lullaby’s powers became so overwhelming that she could not hold it back and would take control of my body at random times and even without her consent she would kill innocent people. She was generally a dormant proxy only coming out to protect me; slowly she became very hostile and would just come out for blood.

Gradually she gained more and more control and was soon able to hold control for weeks on end, I can’t remember what happened, I just remember HIM, the slenderman standing there pointing at us, pointing at me.

I was dormit for a long time, lullaby had been switched with me, but had lost all memories of her proxy like state. There is a difference between being asleep and being dormant, well dormant I am awake I see, feel, touch, smell everything she does, the only thing is I rarely did anything about it. A new power surged within me I had everything lullaby couldn’t deal with, it was overwhelming, un controllable somehow I was able to hold it back keep it at a low level.

Until recently, those attacks were not of me, they were truly just of Lullaby’s power unable to hold it back like a bloodthirsty demonic creature it would lash out and find someone, anyone worth killing and to it everyone was worth killing.

It’s hard to explain the unspeakable evil that it was, that it still is, like pure darkness, darkness not even the brightest light can cut through, it’s the darkness that whispers to you that calls to you it’s the fear it’s the hate the envy the rage that flows from within you.

And Lullaby couldn’t hold it back, and I couldn’t hold it back. And that’s what proxy’s were trying to do, was kill her so nothing bad would come of this, but bad things did come of this, innocent people were killed and hurt, there are so much more people that were killed that only I know of:

135

136

137

138

The numbers stayed steady once Mystery put me into a doll. The only problem, Mystery, is that once you did that her powers were not able to stay inside the tiny body you had given me, and so slowly, ever so slowly they leaked out back into Lullaby’s mind, she had dreams and visions of things of her past of everything she had done and most of all of her past life.

So was so scared to tell you. But when you suffer nightmares like she did would you not to be scared?

I have decided to name my child Lullaby, it is her, it is Lullaby inside me.

I’m hoping to make things right.

I want things to be ok.

a nightmare, my nightmare

I feel so bad.

Am I the one causing Mystery this much trouble? I am so sorry, so very sorry Mystery. The men, the MASC men keep trying to make me come to the medical wing alone, they offer Mystery money so she can buy food for me and tell her to stay home well I go alone.

Finally, I realized how stressful I am being on Mystery. “Mystery, please stay home and rest, I’ll go alone this time don’t worry my dear I’ll be fine”  she was going to object, I could see it in her eyes but I smiled cheerfully, “it’s just a check-up nothing big I’ll tell you exactly how the baby is doing”.

“I’ll go buy some food..” she said I frowned upon her choice, I wanted her dearly to stay home and relax, all 

I’ve been doing is sleeping and eating from now on I’ll help her more I hate feeling useless. I did go alone, now without Mystery’s hand to hold I inched my way into the wing.

A few MASC men stood there staring at me I became scared, this wasn’t a friendly stare, “Hello Lullaby” I felt a swift movement from my stomach, like butterflies, could it be my baby? “Good day” I replied, “Were not going to do anything different a simple check-up OK?” I nodded and followed them to the table.

It really was just another check-up, they decided to do another ultrasound too, I wasn’t sure why but I never really did like the ultrasounds it’s not that they hurt I was just not happy about them. 

“Oh do you see this?” 

“Yeah, it doesn’t look good” 

“Maybe we should?” 

“Do you think she’ll like the idea?” 

“Probably not but for her safety”. I looked back and forth between the voices. 

“Lullaby can you sit up?” I nodded and slowly got up.

“We need to do an abortion..” A WHAT? This is a joke right, a sick joke. “Y-your kidding right?” I stuttered my voice was hitched in my lungs when they answered.

“No, if you give birth we have determined you will die, even now the… CHILD is taking everything from you” I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t see tears stung every part of my body.

No. No. No. “No” I said firmly, quickly, fluently. “I will die with this child if I have to, there is no way you are hurting a part of me” The men looked among one and other then quickly walked up and grabbed me roughly, it hurt, it hurt, it still hurts, they left bruises on my arms.

“Lullaby your child is deformed, really you have no choice, it might be born dead at this rate…” then they forced me onto the table, I tried to protest kicking, crying, screaming. I shouldn't have come alone, I shouldn't have come alone. I bit one of the MASC members and ran towards the door. Something was driving me, I only made it halfway down the hall before another member grabbed onto me again, dragging me back.

“MYSTERY! CASEY! SHADY! SOMEONE!” I screamed and fought and cried and protested until I couldn't anymore, until my body became numb, and all my senses were fading.

“I want to talk to Casey, I want to talk to the baby’s father..” they looked among one and other, they couldn’t object. As I entered Casey’s room I shut the door and looked at him. “They want me to abort Doc..I can’t they will force me, I can’t, I won’t not my baby not our baby…”

His eyes widened when he heard that they wanted me to abort

“Please don’t let them hurt me..” I whimpered he looked around the room and asked me to grab the phone that was located a bit away from him.

He dialled a number and started talking, sounding rushed he spoke quickly: “Something, wrong, hurry, help, MA-“ “Hello?Hello?” He looked at me, with eyes that were trying to speak for him.

They cut the phone lines, “Hey Lullaby are you ready?” I grabbed his hand and shook my head violently; he gripped back and smiled reassuringly.

“I won’t let them”. They walked in and looked at us. “It’s not going to happen…” Casey said watching me and carefully.

"If you touch her or the child, I will rip every nerve from your body." I smiled he was so defensive I was so happy. 

“A injured man is going to stop us? I can’t wait to see this” I looked at them angrily. 

“Hey shut your mouth!” I yelled back, they walked up and grabbed me forcefully again; I was so scared of them hurting the baby.

Casey gripped me tighter refusing to let go, he held on because as of now my life depended on it, “Lullaby…” he whispered “..I won’t let you go”. He got up standing in front of me and pushing the men off glaring at them.

This fight continued for half an hour we struggled and fought and pulled and yelled, finally they managed to drag me away from Casey, not without protest though. We made it to the operation room again.

I don’t want to see no more, I don’t want to feel no more, I don’t want this anymore, please make this stop. I closed my eyes tightly, I wanted this all to end.

I heard the doors fling open, and someone walk in, it was Mystery? She didn’t seem happy I could feel tension in the air, tension.

“Get your goddamn fucking hands off her now!” she yelled a few lights in the room blew out and the sparks flew around the room, MASC men pulled back, even I flinched a bit. Mystery grabbed my hand, softer, kinder, despite her anger.

I passed out shortly after, when I awoke I was in my bed, could it have all been a dream? Mystery walked in with sandwiches, “Lullaby how are you feeling?” that name it felt unreal, as if it didn’t belong to me.

“I’m good, just hungry” slowly I grabbed a sandwich and started eating.

The truth is I cant tell if I’m hungry or not anymore.

His breathing was so soft on my face, it ticked but was warm and inviting, I curled closer into Casey and let out my own inviting breath. It was so late, my stomach was killing me, and I could not sleep even with Casey 

right beside me. I went out to get food, I assumed everyone would be sleeping.

I assumed wrong.

As I was collecting cookies I heard footsteps, I turned sharply dropping the cookie that was in my mouth to see a MASC member standing there with a smirk. “No wonder you’re so fat, all you do is eat” Naturally I became upset.

Doc was standing right behind him and tapped his shoulder, had he heard everything? His fist whistled through the air landing correctly against the MASC members face, I ran into the corner and curled up.

Through the darkness I could not see the movements only hear the sound of something breaking and someone crying out. Casey grabbed my hand and I held onto the cookies tighter he sat me on the bed and softly kissed my forehead. “I need a walk” he whispered silently into my ear and left me sitting there with my cookies.

In that one moment, I never felt so….

Alone.

Please don’t do anything stupid love.

Unknown

Doc, I may love you.

I don’t know if I have a firm reason to believe this yet but something in my heart is telling me that I need to help you.

And I feel bad that all I could do was comfort you, but I want to help you so much more, I’m just scared something is wrong with me. I’ve been a lot hungrier, I hate to admit it but I’m sneaking food from the kitchen, I’m terrified the MASC will see me and try to take away my food.

“Casey...I need you to look at this” I pulled him aside for a moment; I know he’s going through a rough time but he needs to see this.

I pulled up my shirt just above my ribs, my stomach was pushed out a bit like a budge, and I hate to describe it because I think it looks horrible. Doc softly put his hand on my stomach and looked at me softly, “Lullaby we need to get an ultrasound or something, this is not normal” I felt so bad, the truth I had never had a relationship with anyone but Doc, I bit my lip softly. I had to ask  

Mystery or Shady or someone, just to make sure that I’m not eating too much, even so I believe Doc fully and grabbed his hand tightly and hugged him and all I could do was cry.

That’s all just cry, every part of me broke down everything was happening to fast for me even the world I once knew was crashing before my very eyes, but I think that was just me as I blacked out. When I woke up in bed I pulled the sheets above my chin and curled up.

Casey was sitting at the foot of the bed rubbing my legs, I smiled softly he was too kind to me. “Tomorrow, maybe Friday we’ll go to the doctor’s I have money to pay if needed, we can get an ultrasound”

At this point nothing mattered, all I knew was Doc and me, and we had to stay with each other no matter what.

Casey I think I love you.

I’m sorry.

Free(do*m)

I, honestly, have no idea where to start. So much has happened, and I do not wish to make seven pages full of nonsense that would bore you.

So I will start here: We were attacked, in such a brutal and forceful way that it scared me to watch it, yet enraged me in such a way I wanted to move I wanted to go in and attack. Fear held me in place, like a force grabbing me by my ankles forcing me to watch this happen to my friends.

How dare this man enter our home, our haven, and cause destruction.

The man, he noticed me and he moved so fast I couldn’t do anything, his hands wrapped around my neck bringing me down onto his knee. If even for a moment I cannot forget that pain, my left three ribs are broken, it hurts to breath.

Dollmaker, he burned her tiny body, the same flames ran through my body, this was not the warming effect that you would think it was a burning, a stinging pain under my skin the kind you can’t just put out. I remember just lying in the wall, my chest stinging with pain the world was a blur as the tears streamed from my eyes.

I remember hearing his footsteps pass me; I couldn’t give up like this I had to fight…

…so I moved, I moved so quickly, my feet hit the floor and although I felt as if I would topple over to one side I knew I had to keep moving.

And In an instant he was gone, where?  If only this question had been answered in another way, but it was not and the lamp post it impaled me so quickly I lost my breath. I lost all sense of time, of the place I was in of everything and I choked violently on a foul liquid as the object was removed.

The liquid was my own blood mixed with my saliva, a foul taste that to as of now still lingers in my mouth.

The rest was darkness, a darkness that felt so real I could touch it, I could taste it as if I could breathe it in and it was killing me slowly.

Unless I was already dead, and this was it an empty space for the rest of eternity.

Seeing the light was more terrifying, I have always heard about ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ when someone is dying how they see a bright light.

This light was different someone gently taking me moving Dollmaker and myself into another dark area, this had more room, more breathing space.

It hit me, was Dollmaker OK? That glass could have cut the bean, no, the bean was whole but the hole would have let it escape it needed a safer place.

Mystery, Shady, Trina. I’m sorry.

I swallowed the bean.

It didn’t seem to do anything at first, but the thin skin of it broke releasing the proxy powers of Dollmaker.

She seems dormant, it’s weird having her inside me that power I once had is back, yet nothing has changed 

I’m still me, and I still have all my old memories.

Well In the basement it was dark, I tried to remember my clock in my bedroom at home it’s ticking relaxed me in times like this. Tapping my foot softly on the ground I tried desperately to imitate it, tick, tick, tick, tick; Nothing just the empty feeling you get when you know your alone.

Not even Dollmakers mutilated body offered me comfort, maybe because it wasn’t speaking, it wasn’t moving, no actions indicating life ever existed in the tiny figure, the torso had been ripped open exposing the cotton inside, the thread from the left arm had come undone the fabric laid there without any support, the cotton from inside must have leaked out as we ran to where ever I am, both legs and the ‘waist’ were burnt.

A door from somewhere opened, and I curled up, the actions of cramming myself into a tiny ball hurt so much, the wound from my stomach re-opened and bleed slowly, as well as my broken ribs.

The lights flicked on, the brightness blinded me for a moment once I regained my vision I saw a young man standing there.

Whoever it was slowly took my hand promised me he meant no harm, I believed him wholeheartedly, slowly, almost unwillingly I uncurled my body; the blood from my wounds had already stained the floor.

“That looks bad” he said noticing the cut through the ripped fabric of my shirt, now looking down back was bad the cut was still leaking blood if I moved too fast. He comforted me, rubbing my arm’s checking a few things, one of which included my ribs, I cried out in pain when he ran his fingers over the broken ones.

“You got beat up pretty bad didn’t you?” he asked taking out a few things, I didn’t know what to say.

“Yes” my voice sounded so soft, it was almost unfamiliar to even myself, he turned around and got to work cleaning my cuts and scrapes, tending to my broken ribs carefully.

“What’s your name?”

“Lullaby”

“What a beautiful name”

“Why thank you, may I ask what your name is?”

“Just call me Doc”

Doc, I liked it, he sat beside me and we got to talking, this took my mind far away from the pain to a happier place. After all that has happened I didn’t know if happiness could happen again.

I couldn’t remember what action to take, maybe a smile next a laugh, silence, move my hand into his nothing big. He followed what seems to be the same actions a smile, a grin, a word of comfort, a laugh; in my silence he moved my hair, and then he squeezed my hand.

Nothing big right?

Just nothing big.

Nothing big.

Next thing I know me and him are gripping each other tightly running blindly through the woods where were we headed? Somewhere I remember faintly a place that we called the haven the place where I was buried and left for dead.

A placed called home, where the people I knew and the people who cared about me must be there has to be someone home Mystery? Shady? Trinity? Anyone?

I couldn’t understand why I was driven by something as foolish as this emotion, stupid, foolish, pathetic. Almost like Doc could see me fighting myself, he squeezed my hand tightly.

And we fell upon it, upon the haven, upon my home, my family.

“I’m home…” I cried out.

I wish only that the post could have ended there, sadly I heard a click so distinctive I froze up, fear for my life and fear for Doc kicked in.

“Put down those damn guns before I feed them to you.” Mystery’s voice it rang softly through my ears, although her tone was much less than happy.

Shady and Sunshine were in the back, watching carefully. I ran up hugging Mystery tightly tears streamed from my eyes, I missed her, I missed them all, I never wanted to leave again, and I wanted to die here.

Then men lowered the guns and stepped back.

Mystery, Shady, everyone…where do I start?