Wednesday, 28 September 2011

His breathing was so soft on my face, it ticked but was warm and inviting, I curled closer into Casey and let out my own inviting breath. It was so late, my stomach was killing me, and I could not sleep even with Casey 
right beside me. I went out to get food, I assumed everyone would be sleeping.

I assumed wrong.

As I was collecting cookies I heard footsteps, I turned sharply dropping the cookie that was in my mouth to see a MASC member standing there with a smirk. “No wonder you’re so fat, all you do is eat” Naturally I became upset.

Doc was standing right behind him and tapped his shoulder, had he heard everything? His fist whistled through the air landing correctly against the MASC members face, I ran into the corner and curled up.

Through the darkness I could not see the movements only hear the sound of something breaking and someone crying out. Casey grabbed my hand and I held onto the cookies tighter he sat me on the bed and softly kissed my forehead. “I need a walk” he whispered silently into my ear and left me sitting there with my cookies.

In that one moment, I never felt so….

Alone.

Please don’t do anything stupid love.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Unknown

Doc, I may love you.

I don’t know if I have a firm reason to believe this yet but something in my heart is telling me that I need to help you.

And I feel bad that all I could do was comfort you, but I want to help you so much more, I’m just scared something is wrong with me. I’ve been a lot hungrier, I hate to admit it but I’m sneaking food from the kitchen, I’m terrified the MASC will see me and try to take away my food.

“Casey...I need you to look at this” I pulled him aside for a moment; I know he’s going through a rough time but he needs to see this.

I pulled up my shirt just above my ribs, my stomach was pushed out a bit like a budge, and I hate to describe it because I think it looks horrible. Doc softly put his hand on my stomach and looked at me softly, “Lullaby we need to get an ultrasound or something, this is not normal” I felt so bad, the truth I had never had a relationship with anyone but Doc, I bit my lip softly. I had to ask  

Mystery or Shady or someone, just to make sure that I’m not eating too much, even so I believe Doc fully and grabbed his hand tightly and hugged him and all I could do was cry.

That’s all just cry, every part of me broke down everything was happening to fast for me even the world I once knew was crashing before my very eyes, but I think that was just me as I blacked out. When I woke up in bed I pulled the sheets above my chin and curled up.

Casey was sitting at the foot of the bed rubbing my legs, I smiled softly he was too kind to me. “Tomorrow, maybe Friday we’ll go to the doctor’s I have money to pay if needed, we can get an ultrasound”

At this point nothing mattered, all I knew was Doc and me, and we had to stay with each other no matter what.

Casey I think I love you.

I’m sorry.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Free(do*m)

I, honestly, have no idea where to start. So much has happened, and I do not wish to make seven pages full of nonsense that would bore you.

So I will start here: We were attacked, in such a brutal and forceful way that it scared me to watch it, yet enraged me in such a way I wanted to move I wanted to go in and attack. Fear held me in place, like a force grabbing me by my ankles forcing me to watch this happen to my friends.

How dare this man enter our home, our haven, and cause destruction.

The man, he noticed me and he moved so fast I couldn’t do anything, his hands wrapped around my neck bringing me down onto his knee. If even for a moment I cannot forget that pain, my left three ribs are broken, it hurts to breath.

Dollmaker, he burned her tiny body, the same flames ran through my body, this was not the warming effect that you would think it was a burning, a stinging pain under my skin the kind you can’t just put out. I remember just lying in the wall, my chest stinging with pain the world was a blur as the tears streamed from my eyes.

I remember hearing his footsteps pass me; I couldn’t give up like this I had to fight…

…so I moved, I moved so quickly, my feet hit the floor and although I felt as if I would topple over to one side I knew I had to keep moving.

And In an instant he was gone, where?  If only this question had been answered in another way, but it was not and the lamp post it impaled me so quickly I lost my breath. I lost all sense of time, of the place I was in of everything and I choked violently on a foul liquid as the object was removed.

The liquid was my own blood mixed with my saliva, a foul taste that to as of now still lingers in my mouth.

The rest was darkness, a darkness that felt so real I could touch it, I could taste it as if I could breathe it in and it was killing me slowly.

Unless I was already dead, and this was it an empty space for the rest of eternity.

Seeing the light was more terrifying, I have always heard about ‘the light at the end of the tunnel’ when someone is dying how they see a bright light.

This light was different someone gently taking me moving Dollmaker and myself into another dark area, this had more room, more breathing space.

It hit me, was Dollmaker OK? That glass could have cut the bean, no, the bean was whole but the hole would have let it escape it needed a safer place.

Mystery, Shady, Trina. I’m sorry.

I swallowed the bean.

It didn’t seem to do anything at first, but the thin skin of it broke releasing the proxy powers of Dollmaker.
She seems dormant, it’s weird having her inside me that power I once had is back, yet nothing has changed 
I’m still me, and I still have all my old memories.

Well In the basement it was dark, I tried to remember my clock in my bedroom at home it’s ticking relaxed me in times like this. Tapping my foot softly on the ground I tried desperately to imitate it, tick, tick, tick, tick; Nothing just the empty feeling you get when you know your alone.

Not even Dollmakers mutilated body offered me comfort, maybe because it wasn’t speaking, it wasn’t moving, no actions indicating life ever existed in the tiny figure, the torso had been ripped open exposing the cotton inside, the thread from the left arm had come undone the fabric laid there without any support, the cotton from inside must have leaked out as we ran to where ever I am, both legs and the ‘waist’ were burnt.

A door from somewhere opened, and I curled up, the actions of cramming myself into a tiny ball hurt so much, the wound from my stomach re-opened and bleed slowly, as well as my broken ribs.

The lights flicked on, the brightness blinded me for a moment once I regained my vision I saw a young man standing there.

Whoever it was slowly took my hand promised me he meant no harm, I believed him wholeheartedly, slowly, almost unwillingly I uncurled my body; the blood from my wounds had already stained the floor.

“That looks bad” he said noticing the cut through the ripped fabric of my shirt, now looking down back was bad the cut was still leaking blood if I moved too fast. He comforted me, rubbing my arm’s checking a few things, one of which included my ribs, I cried out in pain when he ran his fingers over the broken ones.

“You got beat up pretty bad didn’t you?” he asked taking out a few things, I didn’t know what to say.

“Yes” my voice sounded so soft, it was almost unfamiliar to even myself, he turned around and got to work cleaning my cuts and scrapes, tending to my broken ribs carefully.

“What’s your name?”

“Lullaby”

“What a beautiful name”

“Why thank you, may I ask what your name is?”

“Just call me Doc”

Doc, I liked it, he sat beside me and we got to talking, this took my mind far away from the pain to a happier place. After all that has happened I didn’t know if happiness could happen again.

I couldn’t remember what action to take, maybe a smile next a laugh, silence, move my hand into his nothing big. He followed what seems to be the same actions a smile, a grin, a word of comfort, a laugh; in my silence he moved my hair, and then he squeezed my hand.

Nothing big right?

Just nothing big.

Nothing big.

Next thing I know me and him are gripping each other tightly running blindly through the woods where were we headed? Somewhere I remember faintly a place that we called the haven the place where I was buried and left for dead.

A placed called home, where the people I knew and the people who cared about me must be there has to be someone home Mystery? Shady? Trinity? Anyone?

I couldn’t understand why I was driven by something as foolish as this emotion, stupid, foolish, pathetic. Almost like Doc could see me fighting myself, he squeezed my hand tightly.

And we fell upon it, upon the haven, upon my home, my family.

“I’m home…” I cried out.

I wish only that the post could have ended there, sadly I heard a click so distinctive I froze up, fear for my life and fear for Doc kicked in.

Put down those damn guns before I feed them to you. Mystery’s voice it rang softly through my ears, although her tone was much less than happy.

Shady and Sunshine were in the back, watching carefully. I ran up hugging Mystery tightly tears streamed from my eyes, I missed her, I missed them all, I never wanted to leave again, and I wanted to die here.

Then men lowered the guns and stepped back.

Mystery, Shady, everyone…where do I start?

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Happiness.


Ah I really enjoyed yesterday, I did Lucas-kun's makeup He looked so adorable, I asked him first of course! He said sure and I rushed out to get my bag which of course was holding all my makeup.

When I entered my bedroom I saw Dollmaker sitting near the window looking at the sky, she hasn't spoken to me since that evening, kinda of un-nerving.

I returned quickly with all the makeup I owned and got to work on Lucas, he was really good with me, he sat still, raised his head, lowered his head, shut his eyes, I made sure to make him look nice. Trina popped in shortly after, when she saw me doing Lucas' makeup she asked if I could do hers, when I was done with Lucas I went straight to work on Trina's, moments later I heard someone walk by and then quickly try to back pedal.

Lucas got up ever so fast and asked if he looked pretty, I turned around, saw her, Mystery, and got an idea.
"Neh...Mystery~" I said as she tried to make an exit I grabbed onto her arm and dragged her in. I know she don't like makeup but I had too, I was unable to resist.

After everyone was done I smiled brightly, ah everyone looked so pretty, although I don't really think ill be doing this again maybe i should leave my makeup skills to myself.

AH if only Shady was there, then I could have had the family all done up! I'm so happy here right now, I love my new family, I wonder if its selfish of me to want this to last forever...even if I know it cant.

I really want it to....

Sunday, 21 August 2011

The promise and the missing link.


A promise is a promise and Lucas promised me he would teach them to use the Katana. But heres the truth i didn't expect to be the one using the sword, "its up to you to be the one in control"

fuck.

Lucas told me to draw the blade from the saya. The only other time ive ever heard the term saya be used was from a game i played.... saya no uta, I loved that game. 18+, hehe.

Lucas grabbed a stick and showed me each move, at first i was scared as hell I knew i would screw up, or felt as if i would. I payed close attention, I was in fact holding the weapon that could bring Lucas to his early grave, although that was never my intention anything can happen in this world.

anything at all.

"Got it?" I nodded quickly, maybe one day I could answer yes to questions like this.

Lucas stood infront of me, not directly infront of me but where the oppenent should stand when sword fighting, I relised that he wouldnt be moving (something he explained to me) it really all was up to me to not kill him.

I brought the sword up, swinging it over my head and then back down, the weight brought it down a little faster then what I wished and Lucas didn't flinch he stood damn still, did he had faith in me that i could control this? I stoped it with my right hand holding the handle tightly, it was just above Lucas' head. "Men..."

My eyes never left his, I was told to make sure of this, and dammit if i was going to do this I was going to do this right the first time.

I did it again, my breath hitched as I tried to stop the blade at the wrists of Lucas. I bit my lip as I gripped the sword tightly once more stopping it inches before his wrist. "Kote."

Again, twisting the blade just like he showed me so it swung horizontal, stopping at his waist. "Do...."

The fourth motion was the hardest Lucas took one step back and then I lunged forward, aiming for his neck, I almost couldnt stop myself it was a scary thought the idea that I wanted to feel the blade softly cut through someones skin.

I couldnt hold the sword anymore, just before it reached his neck I dropped it, I wanted to kill?

"Tsuki." I whispered, falling to my knees. I gave him back his sword and saya and told him not to let me near that sword anymore but thanked him for teaching me some moves.

Then I ran back inside Dollmaker stayed out and watched Lucas for a bit, she was quiet.

Most my sheets were on the floor, I dont sleep at all anymore I use it get a bit of rest but now I just have given up compleatly I just lay on my sheets and stare at nothing, thinking. Dollmaker entered my room shortly after,  its still a bit strange seeing her walking around on her own.

'Lullaby...'

"what?"

'Your sister....its your fault she's dead...'


"My...sister? What the fuck are you saying, where do you have the right to come up with these statements your making!?"

'if you hadn't have left you could have protected her, her and your father, its your fault there dead, no one else knows, no one but you. No one saw the way your father die by your hands, by your creation....no one saw the way your sist-"

"by MY creation, MY hands? SHUT UP Hardly my creation!I left to protect them!"


"your slightly slow Lullaby, haven't you figured it out yet?"

"What?! What is it!"

Dollmaker grew very quiet and very, very upset, "You haven't got a clue have you? You idiot...".
She left my room just after that, i guess she was really ticked off because the second she left I grabbed the hardest object I could and threw it at the wall.

what link am I missing?
what clue have I forgotten?

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Shady....


Shady is back...I am very happy, ever so very happy, the second I saw her I chould not resist but to run up and hug her tightly.  I promised myself I would not cry, I broke it, tears of happiness and relief, our lovely Shady was returned unharmed.

"I'm sorry, Shady I was so useless I promised I would be more useful..."Shady slowly pushed me away and looked into my eyes.

"Lullaby you are not useless" she said bluntly, it made my heart stop...I was not useless? "You were very helpful, you crafted a doll for Trinity and you helped Mystery when she was injured Lullaby your not useless"

Shady squeezed my shoulder tightly.
"I'm not useless?" I asked somewhat shocked.

"No your not"
I smiled softly, I have a purpose. Shady you are a wonderful, great, beautiful person. Please don't ever change.

We are all together now, Shady, Mystery, Trinity, Lucas, Ecko, Drake, Sunshine and myself.
Its like a family. Like a big happy family. I am very happy right now. Please don't tell me that I am dreaming.

Lullaby your not dreaming...please stay this way...it is more pleasant for everyone if you stay this way... 

Monday, 15 August 2011

what happened yesterday


Thunder....kept...me...up....all...night. I never was relaxed around thunder, you know how a dog gets around loud noises. Well imagine a teenage girl hiding in a blanket jumping at the loud bangs.
then you have me.

Thankfully the games we played kept me somewhat distracted, that made me happy. Mystery found a guy to fix the lights and stuff I greeted him at the door holding dollmaker of course i told her not to move at all, I 'unno if she'll listen she seem's to like to do things on her own accord, stupid stubborn doll.

The man was hispanic, he had dusky like skin and dirty blonde hair and those black eyes stared at me, giving me shivvers, I still tried to be polite.

"hello..."

"Hello."

"Are you the electriction?"

"Yes I am"

"Ah ok then welcome, come in..."

I stepped aside my socks padded against the ground as he entered, he seemed like a very nice man. He seemed to know what to do as he walked past me, due to boredom I followed him around.

"Do you like your job?" I asked quietly, the man didnt respond was I too quiet? I was never good talking to males, make it fair I was never good talking to anyone, I gripped onto my sweater tightly and felt dollmaker make a small gasping noise.

'lullaby....not so hard'

"A-ah!" I said relesing my hands dollmaker fell to the ground and I instantly bent down to pick her up.

"Did you make her yourself?"

"E-eh? Pardon?" Pardon? Pardon? Ugh I sound like a old lady.

"Your doll"

"Ah yes, I took a bit of work but it is a past time I have"

"What is her name?"

"I dunno I have not officially named her really..I call her dollmaker..."

"What an intresting name"

"Unique is the correct word.." I muttered he went back to work, I watched him fiddle with the wires and cords...reminded me of how my father did that, in a way I got sad and couldn't stay.

"good bye"

I went to visit Lucas, he still wasn't awake...this made me sad I feel bad for yelling at him about dollmaker, he had a katana that's a Japanese sword I managed to sneak it under my hoodie and outside, hopefully he wont be too mad at me I just have to play with it.

Once outside I ripped out the sword and saw the light glint off it, a true beautiful handcrafted sword. gripping onto it with both hands I got into a stance that felt correct and ripped through the air with it. I have been doing a lot of physical training lately, it gets my mind off things and I couldnt help but adore the way the sword sliced though the air.

then I saw mystery coming towards me, her lips were moving although I couldnt hear her but the expression screamed trouble. I pressed my hand around my ear, signaling i coulding quite hear her.

"What are you doing?"

"exactly what it look's like playing with a sword"

"Lullaby you should put the sword back before Lucas notices"

I sighed, I really didn't want to but I knew eventually I would have to.

"How did you get it out here without my noticing?"

I smiled and slid it back up under my sweater and winked.

"Wearing oversized cloating is quite helpful at times"

Mystery looked at me with a surprised and somewhat smiling face. that look made me happy. I put the sword back, very unhappily but its put back.

Trinitys doll is also compleated as well...Its a nice doll..I really like it I cant wait to give it to her, I hope she likes it too.