Baby Doll.

Daddy you would call me that right?

Baby doll....you would call me your baby girl as you smoothed out my hair and walked with me.

I think you would, because I’m innocent like a small doll, innocent, innocent hahahahha.

Innocents only last a short time, shorter than the summer that people experience, shorter than the brisk feeling and sting of a heartbreak or being alone. Hell shorter than life itself, but for me innocence decided to be short, just almost none existent, because for me well I am not

'normal'

What does normal entitle, the ability to work 7 hours shifts in a small cube live a life with a family of a wife or husband with two kids a fish and a dog, maybe a cat.....

AHHAHHA

Funny.

No I'm the blood chilling kind of not normal, waking up to a set of flashbacks of my past, of the people that died by my hands 'mercy' killing so help me god if i hear the title again I will snap someone’s neck so quickly they won’t know they died.

Does anyone really know that they died?

Hahahha.

I was a baby doll, cute and innocent, now I’m going crazy.

Maybe I was always crazy....I just didn’t know. Anyways for you who DONT know me, I'll make sure you do:

My name is Lullaby, well my 'name' is Lullaby, as for what I would like to be called Doll Maker...what I would 'like' to be called, not that you'll call me that and chances are I'll go around calling myself Lullaby. Pathetic. DM, Kind of like my mother DeMii, what a confusion my mulitipersonalities caused, I'm good, I'm evil, I don't know what happened, I am the cause of what happened.

ARG!!!

Fuck....

I can't stop remembering and its driving me insane, I thought I could handle it at first, i mean at first it was urges, like how a druggie is always ready to shoot up to get his fix. He's fine once he gets his fix then he needs it again and again...did I just say he? I meant them...or they...they sounds better.

Mice, those pesky rodent’s that wander around the ground, picking up small crumbs of food and eating it, I collect them, I never had much else to do and mother slept a lot. I would pick them up by their tails, they didn’t seem to fight much after a while, and they kind of just looked at me confused and scared. I would collect many of them, White was my prize, only because the colour collects blood so well, the white fur is usually stained crimson within a few seconds, I created red mice :).

Anyways the other colours usually there fur just because sticky with the smell of death, it was kind of sad; i only wish they could look as beautiful as the white mice did. The brown ones collected the colour faintly, lighter brown collected it a little better but black mice angered me, I usually treated them very unfairly because they didn’t show the blood so well.

Fuck....

I'm a bad person.

I ignored the mice soon because they didn’t amuse me for much longer, next to that twisting their minds was hard, they never listened no matter how hard I tried to break there will, because by the time i broke the will they were dead, thank god most humans are not like that or else I would have a lot of trouble.

I moved onto bigger creatures, birds, they were not as easy to catch but it was worthwhile, I remember breaking one perfectly, it was a beautiful blue bird, I held it in my hands slowly spreading its wings to examine its body fully, i forgot how delicate they were because i snapped its left wing by accident, it never made a sound or struggle it kind of just laid there breathing softly.

I took out a knife I had found, i placed the tip of it at the birds feathered neck slowly cutting, then I cut my own thumb letting my blood flow into its veins I smiled as it looked at me with darker black eyes, almost as if it wanted to stay by me for the rest of its short life, I became excited.

I created a 'doll'.

Yeah that’s how you do it, it break into there will slightly once inside their mind your just bleed into them and they will obey you, sadly you’re not me and therefore you don’t have this ability, so don’t go trying because you will end up with some dead guy.....

I said guy again, some dead person on your hands.

He he.

I showed my mom the bird, she didn't see it, maybe because it was a bird, but i decided not to bring up the fact it was MY bird, it belonged to ME.

She just told me to clean up.

I did.

I moved on more and more, a few more birds none of who felt the same as that small blue bird, I tried two cats, both seemed to work beautifully they stayed with me until I got bored...then I killed them, I had a dog to, but I had to kill him quicker in case Shady or Mother found out.

Blood, if you think it kind of smells like intoxicating, beautiful, inviting, god I became in love with it, next to its smell it felt so warm, like melted chocolate, caressing your fingers and warming your cool flesh, its sticky and beautiful crimson in colour.

Fuck...

I needed something more, something bigger than a dog, something more than an animal, something human, human....

And I would.

Baby doll I am, innocent and sweet dressed in all white, and my mother dressed me in a bright white jacket and small white shoes that fit snug around my feet. White like the mice, like the fur of the cat, like the teeth of the dog, I wonder if this dress would stain as nicely.

The fabric threatened to restrict my movement severely but i just smiled, not today it wouldn’t. "Lullaby..." Dollmaker I corrected without saying a word to upset her I looked up, my bangs slightly restricting my vision I cocked my head in a questioning matter.

"..We’re going for a walk, before the sunsets..." before the sunsets? What wrong mother? Are you scared of the dark? Scared of the slender man? he he...still, no one would follow us so did that mean no one would question anything that happened?

We walked a ways; I wasn't sure why we would walk so far, maybe an opening in the woods was close by that my mother knew. I noticed every landmark so I wouldn't get lost on my way back, I could feel myself becoming jittery and anxious, and the same way you would if you were excited.

I was excited.

The world seemed very still, in that moment it was still, the trees never swayed, wind never moaned, birds never flapped there wings, nothing was alive it all seemed dead.

I pulled at a thick branch, it bent forward, threating to crack under pressure and I succeeded a small snap the wood broke off and now rested in my hand. It was more heavy then what I originality thought it would be, it kind of balanced in my palm looking like a spear I wondered how well this would work.

Work for what you might ask? What I'm about to tell you is the true death of DeMii.

It goes like this:

I ran up and with my free hand I clenched onto hers, my body twisted so that I was quickly in front of her as she took a step forward I jerked my hand forward as well, the branch quickly broke through the thin cloth of the tank-top and through the layers of skin and flesh. I twisted it progressively letting it dig deeper and deeper.

I looked at her face, I wanted to know was I doing a good job, animals hardly so expressions of pain, I mean they do but they are very subtle that it was hard for me to notice but this.

Oh god this was so beautiful, her eyes shut tightly as she clenched her teeth sharply inhaling she let out a quick cry of pain, her hands gripping onto the wood she tried pushing back.

Fuck baby girl why are you so cold? Not even pain can tell you to stop...

I pushed it again, putting all of my body weight onto the branch, it ripped through something, possibly a vital organ, oh joy, it peeked through the other side of her body, and I had made a complete impalement goody me.

I was pushed back, my mother grabbed onto my shoulders shoving me back with great force, so great it tore the wood from her body and sent me to the ground, she stumbled back too and the branch flew across a small spot of land. 

Far away from me.

"L-lull-aby....." she spat out the words, I was shocked, and she was still living? Maybe humans had a better chance of survival, then again I remember she had been impaled before, I clenched my fist gathering the dirt in my hands I stared at her, the sun setting behind me I smiled sickly.

I was able to raise to my feet quickly, gathering her hair in my hands I pulled up and swiftly moved my foot so it collided with her jaw, it sent her tumbling back slightly and I grinned again, reviling the knife I had hidden in my sleeve it glittered in the low light and rose a fear in DeMii's eyes.

"Don't be so scared mommy...” I said bending to my knees I took her chin in my hand and placed the blade to the corner of her lip.

"This won’t hurt a bit"

I slit up upwards, cutting a neat line through her skin, after that it was all blind cuts, I just raised the knife and brought it down, raised it up and sliced it down, side to side in a zig zag, the sound of tearing flesh and the smell of blood caused me to cut more and deeper until she clawed at my arm, screaming and crying.

I tore myself away, looking at her brilliantly, and my creation, mine? She covered her face and sobbed.

"Now mommy, don't hide yourself from me"

I kicked her side softly, causing her to roll over without protest, it was great, I sat on her stomach, the blood was drying but still wet and I grabbed her wrist, holding them over her head what I saw could not be called a person.

Blood soken face, hardly able to tell where skin and under layers of flesh met, her left eye had been slit open in one of my blind swings, hard to describe what it looked like, pulsing, blood, gel, liquid. Her lips in a permit smile, her other eye shut tightly.

Fuck.......

Fuck...

Fuck...

Fuck...

Fuck

I could feel her trying to grab me, her hands still in mine as I stared at her destroyed body, I realized in this state she would not be worthy to be called one of my dolls, in fact no matter what she was ruined.

Might as well end her.

I stood dragging her up a little, she winced at the pain and with that I stepped on her throat, she coughed lightly, was it normal human reaction to want to live even in this sort of situation? I felt sorry for her, honestly, even like this she would die slowly and painfully and I was trying to help her.

I pushed my foot down harder, feeling below me her throat crushing, bending and....

...and breaking.

She seemed to fall limp, giving up, stopping all action, all movement ceased.

And the sun, it was lowering over the land, shining dimly on her body, on my stained hands and over my small blood soaked legs.

"Baby girl, mommy loves you"

I kicked her body out of boredom, it kind of just fell back, and then I sat beside her, petting her hair down across her face.

A swampy pond was somewhere close to here, I decided to drag her there, it wasn’t much fun, but we, 'we', found it. I washed the blood from my body and looked at DeMii.

I wanted to break her legs, just to make sure she wouldn’t walk out, I twisted the limb pushing it down with the weight of my body I heard a crack and smiled seeing the leg fall back unnaturally twisted and shattered.

The other proved to be a problem, I hardly had the strength to lift it, so i leaned back onto it, sitting on the body part I heard it crack, and I felt it break.

I felt it break, the bone sliced through not only DeMii's skin but my own as well, it cut through my flesh slightly and I pulled myself away instantly.

I fell to the ground, rolling in pain, the sun was low but I didn’t know the time at that moment all I knew was pain, the blood trickled down my leg, it was warm.

Why do people wine and complain about bleeding, it was nice, warm and soft.

I looked at the sky, a few stray birds passed by, as well as clouds.

It was nice, me laying on the ground, my dead mother beside me...

Fuck....

I started pushing her body into the water; it almost swallowed her, seeming to drag her down until even her hand was under the mucky water.

I started limping back, it was a slow walk, I didn’t care about the nature around me anymore, no one was around me anymore, and it was just I.

I had just killed someone...

Someone who was supposed to be important to me, someone who loved me.

No one can 'love' honestly, fuck no one knows....

No one...

The haven, 'haven' dubbed by whom, some stupid place I was supposed to love, I almost wanted to burn it, I wasn’t that far from it...

I was exhausted.

I fell to the ground, eyes half closed i could feel myself wanting to let go, I was tired, maybe if I call someone.

'Someone... .’ I called out weakly I pushed myself to try again when no one responded.

A deep breath.

'SOMEONE!" I screamed tears stinging my eyes as i exerted myself and passed out.

I woke up with Shady looking at me concerned.

"My mother..." I whimpered

I acted, I acted well, and I pretended to be scared.

"DeMii, they came from nowhere, and I watched them they hurt her and dragged her away from me, then they cut me and I ran, I was so scared, Shady I don’t know where they took her...."

I winced as some pressure was applied to my leg, Shady gave a few orders, from what I got was 'wood's' 'now' 'search' 'body'

and everyone left me, I asked to be alone, I begged Shady to leave me and go with them I said i would be ok...she was reluctant but i told her my mother needed her more than i did, I was safe now in this.....this...

"Haven...” I said it, I choked the words out, and I smiled weakly as she left.

I got out of the bed and rooted through my mother’s bag deciding to only take what I could fit in my pockets.

Money, cellphone, charger, flash light, and of course Desha.

I knew that letter, the one that poked out from her bag I took it out and smoothed it out:

'Dear Shady,

  Don't be alarmed but once you receive this letter I will be dead.

I'm writing it so you'll know that even in death, I love you.

I don’t think I will last much longer anyways, I can feel something coming

Something neither of us can stop, but we both have to accept it fully, Shady

I leave my belongings, although very little, all of them i leave to you. And Shady

I leave my most precious belonging of all to you, Lullaby. Take care of her my

Beautiful Shady.....

I love you.

                                  -DeMii'  

I placed the letter on the table where she would surly see it, along with a small note from me:

Aunty

It's Lullaby

Check my mother’s blog, there you will find everything......

Here is my phone number...I put it on a scrap piece of paper under the letter

Take care

Stay safe

And remember.....

....just keep remembering...

-Lullaby"

I think I should go on an adventure.....

Wonder who i could find who wants the same...

Goodbye Shady...

Happy ending after all?

It’s a new day, the kind where you want to live it as if it’s your last, where you want to run through the beautiful sparkling water in bare feet no matter how icey cold it might be, you want to race with the people you know so well through the deep forest avoiding the tall looming trees, the kind where you want to eat something you have never tasted before and visit somewhere you have never seen before.

And this is what I wanted to do with lullaby.

She awoke me super early, her golden like eyes and long raven black hair were shining with the sunlight that made the sky seem crystal like, a smile pasted her face as she grinned she spoke.

“Mommy! Mommy! Guess what aunty Shady promised me?” I already knew, Shady and myself had spoke about it when Lullaby was fast asleep, We decided to take my baby girl out into the city to explore goodness knows if she will ever get the chance again.

Even so I smiled myself, only imagining how foolish I must have looked: Messy brown hair, sleep deprived eyes, an old blue tank top that still had traces of the blood of my past on it and a smile the only true thing of the morning.

“What did aunty Shady promise?” I asked in my sweet motherly tone, patting her black hair down, Lullaby only squirmed excitedly as she blurted out everthing at a speed that seemed almost impossible…I guess the excitement really got to her.

“Aunty Shady promised to take us to a park! So I can play and swing and then we can get lunch, then we can go to a toy store and then we get ice cream!!” She almost had to catch her breath, her tiny chest panting under her dress.

I nodded, “That sounds great baby, let mommy get up and dressed and we can go” Lullaby nodded and ran out the room and down the hall a second later I saw her run across the door way again and down the other hall calling out Shadys name, her adorable voice calling out over and over.

“Auntyy! Auntyy!”

I smiled to myself as I opened my small bag, a tee shirt that was too big and jeans that had torn several times as I had liked to travel throughout the woods, it wasn’t exactly appropriate but then again it was better than going in my clothing that I was wearing now.

As I exited my room I looked down the hall lullaby had run down and sure enough there was my daughter, attached to Shady’s legs I could not help but let out a snicker, I could tell by the small glint in Lullaby’s eyes that she adored her aunt, my god she loved her so dearly and I could tell that Shady truly found happiness in
Lullaby.

That why I wrote a letter when Lullaby was born, If I should ever die I leave Lullaby in your care Shady. I love you.

“Ok you two” I said happily Lullaby had turned around so she was facing me now and she smiled, “Time to go?” she asked eagerly and I nodded.

The walk to the playground was cold still it didn’t seem like it was the bone chilling kind of cold to myself more like the fresh kind of cold, but the cool air was behind us only when you breath in you could notice it.

Lullaby was between Shady and me holding onto both our hands we occasionally lifted her up and she laughed brilliantly.

At the playground lullaby seemed memorized by the amount of different colours, the red and yellow and blue seemed to draw her in, luckily we were also alone I guess all the children her age would be in school or at home but lullaby didn’t attend school due to our unique situation. She looked up at both of us almost asking through her eyes if she could play, if she could run around the structures and swing on the swing set I smiled back at her and looked at Shady I think we both had the same idea.

“Stay safe” shady said as she let go of Lullaby’s had recently I did as well and the little munchkin ran towards the swings, her black hair flying behind her. Stay safe, like Shady always says, it has stuck with me. “Come on my lovely Shady..” I said looking at her with a smile “..I think we have a bit of catching up to do” The look in her eyes seemed to say that ‘a bit of catching up’ was an understatement.

We sat on one of the nearby benches, watching Lullaby for a bit the only sound was that of the soft wind finding its way through and round the objects that surrounded us and the unique and distinct sound of the swing set squeaking.

“DeMii” Shady said, her voice seemed a bit upset and that caused me to focus more of my attention on her, as I turned my head I noticed a worried expression on her face.

“Yes?” I asked more concerned rather than curious towards why she seemed a bit or maybe more upset.

"I never mentioned the genders of my siblings. I had a sister, though. We fought as much as we joked, which was quite a bit. She was independent and strong, we were protective of each other.  I looked forward to the day she would have a brat. Course that’s never going to happen, she’s not alive, not even real anymore. So I’ll never know if I would have been a good aunt, or if I was even a good sister. Am I doing an ok job? Am I a band aunt?”   her question shocked me, how was I to respond with the truth might be a good way to start.

“No!” I responded to her, firmly and truthfully, how could shady worry on being a bad aunt?

“It’s just..” she stopped to take a breath of the cool air, this must have been hard for her she hasn’t been around but I know that’s not her fault and I could never blame her for that. “..Everything I had was fake, I can’t judge and say what I did was correct. I don’t know what I need to do and well I’m worried I might fuck it up..” Now I get it, Shady truly does love Lullaby and she only wants the best for her I mean who wouldn’t want the best for someone that they care about?

“Shady..” I said now taking the time to take my own breath and think of my own words, could I figure out a way to say this? “..I have the same concerns, I mean maybe not the exact same but you know something around the area, hell I’m only seventeen and I’m a mother! I keep worrying to myself well trying not to show it like when Lullaby was first born I was terrified of holding her, what if I held her wrong? What if I couldn’t pick her up right? What if she got sick? Then when doctor went missing I realized I was alone at this I was scared and I kept wondering could I be both Lullaby’s mother and father? Then Thuggee..” I had never let my eyes leave Shadys and I realized the moment I said that name, Thuggee, she tensed up her fingers curled lightly and she clenched her jaw, I decided to keep talking.

“I was scared, I’m still scared, but I know there’s no guide book on being a parent or in your case an aunt, but you have to go with what feels right” I reached over and patted her chest softly, right over her heart and looked at her with a smile. ”With what feels right here is what you go with, you love Lullaby and because of that you can’t Fuck it up, its impossible kay?”

“Honestly?” she asked and I nodded still smiling “You’re an amazing auntie!” we both let out a laugh as we came to realize we were kind of stressing over nothing.

“Thuggee” she said curling my own fingers I let out a deep breath. “Thuggee, I can’t believe that bastard, I…” I couldn’t speak, I had lost everything that was on my mind, it had all been replaced by his name and the things he might do, what if he took Lullaby? I couldn’t let him….I would kill him I swear to god I would murder him.

I snapped out of it and looked at Shady, she was watching me, could she see the concern on my face? Shit.

“Don’t worry DeMii” she said with a reassuring smile she placed a hand on my shoulder she opened her mouth to speak again. “I will NOT allow him to even come close to Lullaby, or you. If you don’t want him around I’ll keep him away with all my power. We’re family, hon. I’ll keep both of you safe.” I smiled I knew Shady would give anything to keep us safe, I only hope I can do the same if the time should come.

We looked over to Lullaby who was still swinging happily she was strong enough to manage to push herself forward on the swing, she seemed to love it, she would swing on the swing at the Haven but she was not strong enough to push it.

“I have missed you Shady…so much” I said, my eyes still watching Lullaby, “It hasn’t been the same lately, everything is so quiet”

Shady nodded, she could feel it too I could tell it was an empty space that could not be filled. It was like a black void that lingered, unmoving and only growing with loneliness, after everything…everyone left, Lucas and Joel, Mystery, Trinity…it felt so empty and even in the Haven I only smiled for Lullaby.

“I have missed you as well…not being around Lullaby and you has had its effect on me…I wish I didn’t have to leave so often, how much help I could have given you both..”  I scooted so close to Shady and looked at her with tears stinging in my eyes, I loved her so much, she was some of the only family I had left, she was like a sister and a best friend and without her I couldn’t have gotten even close to as far as I have gotten.

I hugged her spontaneously, I refused to let go as I buried my face in her shirt, tears trailing down my face but I didn’t make a sound, It smelled like Shady, like home the home I had grown to love to believe in, God dammit this was the place I felt I belonged, the place and people who had taken me in the ones I loved. I let my fingers curl around the fabric and I clenched my teeth, I decided now to choke out the words. “Shady thank you, my god I love you so much, my friend”

Her hands wrapped around me, I wanted this to last forever, I didn’t want her to let go, her warmth, her honest caring, she’s given me as much as she could and even more.

“DeMii, there’s nothing to thank me for I have been more than happy to do everything with you, we as a family have made everyone happy, we have had our differences and good times, and through everything we are still a family. You and Lullaby make me happy, and I mean legit happiness. I love both of you more than I can even comprehend.”

I Pulled back slowly and wiped my eyes, if there had been a possibly Shady had been crying I almost wanted it to be true but we both smiled.

Lullaby had walked up next to us and I noticed almost an hour had passed, Shady took us to a nice family restraint, She helped Lullaby pick out what she wanted, Lullaby questioned a lot of things.

“Aunty Shady, what does a chicken strip taste like? No no what does it look like? And what’s a Burger made out of? And what’s in a Salad? Why would they grill only cheese? Who would eat that?” Shady laughed and tried to explain everything the best she could Lullaby looked almost amazed with everything Shady knew.

“Ok I want to try this grilled cheese it seems interesting and milk too” she said closing her menu, I had decided on a Burger and small fries with water and Shady chose a simple meal as well.

Lullaby was colouring, the cup of crayons had made her happy, she told us how it reminded her of the playground.

Myself and shady were still talking, this time about Lullaby’s rapid growth, how rapid it was.

“Its unusual, both my pregnancy and her growth rate have been really quick” I said

Our meals arrived and Lullaby looked at the Grilled cheese with a glitter in her eyes. “Aunty shady its on bread just like you said! Your so smart!”

We walked around town a bit, Shady was giving both myself and Lullaby a tour, she showed us some of her favorite spots and some of the hot spots in town, she showed us famous areas because all places have them and as we started our walk home she showed us a toy store, Lullaby asked if we could enter.

I checked my phone, it was starting to get late, I looked over to Shady and she nodded. “Sure baby girl” Lullaby ran in and right away was looking at everything colourful, the toys were lined up neatly and a few children that were now off of school were looking at them with their mother or father.

“Mommy…” Lullaby walked up to me, she was holding a small stuffed toy, it seemed to be that of a bunny a small sand coloured bunny, its ears much larger than its head and they flopped over the side, it  was filled with those small plastic type beads and was covered in a soft fabric, it was very cute and I knew lullaby didn’t have any toys at home, when she was bored she wouldn’t complain, she would wander off actually not very far but she would skip pebbles or draw in the dirt.

“..Can I have this?” She held the rabbit and looked at Shady and myself, I bent down to check the price it seemed a bit out there for a stuffed toy to cost so much $23.99, I showed shady the numbers and she smiled and motioned for me to get up.

“Hey, hey, hey. Dibs. My treat for the kiddo.” she said with a grin, and I nodded and when lullaby saw my nod she smiled.

“Really?! I can have it?” she asked excitedly leaning in she hugged one of our legs each and I laughed, after a quick glance around the toystore we paid the man and left, lullaby still walked between us but this time holding her rabbit.

“What are you going to name him Lullaby?” I asked curious, “It’s a she, and I’m going to name her Desha”
Desha? I looked over at Shady, who was looking at me just as confused.

“Why Desha dove?” Shady asked and Lullaby looked up and stopped looking at both of us.

 “Mommy and Aunty, your two of the smartest people I know and you can’t figure it out?” she asked us.

“DeMii is mommy’s name ‘De’, Shady is auntys name ‘sha’ you two are the most important people in my life” she smiled “Desha is named after you two…”

Lullaby did I do a good job at raising you? Honestly it is as if you can’t remember your past, your innocence to the horrors of this world is outstanding, I only wish it would stay this way.

We stopped for single scoop ice cream before heading home, our home, our haven, I’m holding Lullaby in my arms, and she is fast asleep holding her doll Desha.

And with ice cream on dried on her lips she smiled in her sleep. I set her to bed and came out to see Shady, It was a great day, I’m glad it all worked out, resting my head on the table I knew the future would be hard maybe I could make it through it, with Shady, maybe we could both make it through.

Together.

It's too late to turn back

The father is not the Doc I knew…..

The father is not the Doc…..

The father is….

I cried I’m sorry about my not being here I guess I have a right to explain, so explain I shall.

Let’s start with the father: Thuggee, that bastard, I can’t tell if he used me but either way this isn’t good. The second I read it, the second I read the words “Lullaby is my daughter” I….excuse this but. FUCK SHES MY BABY AND YOU WILL HAVE NO PART IN HER LIFE!

Why am I being this way? It’s not like me…even as a teenager I should have a better head on my shoulders.

Point two; I’m planning something, for both myself and my daughter. It requires me leaving, far away…and if I leave, I leave everything and I will no longer update my status to the world, I would be presumed dead.

Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.

Maybe I’m just planning on leaving.

“Mother…” Lullaby was standing at my door way, her long black hair fell to one side as she cocked her head, her hands were behind her back, and she looked saddened.

“What is it Lullaby?” She took a deep breath and her white dress moved up and down as she held out her hands, looking away her eyes near tears and in her hands was a sad sight. A small bird, a small blue bird, its throat neatly slit.

Her hands were covered in still drying blood and the birds feathers around its neck were neatly painted the same crimson colour.

“Lullaby where did you find this?”

She pointed outside, towards the forest. “I heard the sound of birds, and got curious, when I went into the forest this birdy was on the ground, can we help it?”

She went beyond the boundary, I looked at her as she studied the small bird, it was still alive its tiny chest in and out at a rapid pace.

I took the bird into my hands, and sadly put on a fake smile. “I’ll see what I can do baby, no go wash your hands   okay?”

Lullaby smile, content now she went away to do as she was told, Sadly I knew the truth I would have to bury the small creature its tiny beaded black eyes glanced at me softly as its life slowly slipped away right in my hands, it’s been a long time since something died in my hands.

I still hate the feeling.

Not yet forgotten

I remember how the skies were painted a delicate sky blue, I remember laying on the solid green grass, the earth beneath me and the truth was nothing could stop me I probably would have wanted to fly if I knew that I wasn’t so planted to the ground.

I remember watching the birds, there white wings cutting through the air, I remember being 13. The way the warm summer air caressed my hair and found its way under my shirt to warm and tickled my body.

Where is that innocence? That beauty what I once saw, where did it go? I had a dream during it was of that blue sky only this time I was flying.

“Dammit!” I cried out, why dammit? Why did I cry out that? Lullaby came rushing in she turned her head and her black hair bounced slighting.

“Mommy OK?” she asked, she only started speaking and everything that exits her tiny little pink lips is sweet sounding and relaxes you, her innocence is…outstanding.  

“Yes mommy’s ok Lullaby go play”

The young child cocked her head slightly, she didn’t believe me. “Sure?” she asked again, this time I nodded and smiled.

It’s hard to keep up with Lullaby I’m tired all the time and lately I feel so alone, she watched the trees a lot. She will sit on the ground and watch the tree tops sway back and forth with a mystified look in her small eyes almost as if there’s something up there we cant see.

And recently  I’m living on a single thought, ‘protect’. What though? What am I to protect could it be Lullaby? Shady?  The Haven? Myself? It’s been driving me crazy and I’m so tired, I’m tempted to abandon this stupid piece of work and give up on Lullaby and just….

Just go away.

I could smack myself sometimes you know? It’s almost Christmas as well, secretly I went into town and bought Lullaby something, it’s a small necklace with a silvery blue round charm on it.

I won’t give it to her yet though, not yet, not until she’s a little older.

I have hopes Lullaby, My precious Lullaby that you will one day reach a new height, can’t you feel it? The warm breeze calling to you, you will find it and embrace it. Lullaby I know you will love the feel of it as it caresses your black hair and when it drives through the cracks of your fingers. You’ll love the touch of the cool water as it swarms around your feet and the sounds of the seagulls crying out.

Lullaby my hope is that you will live in a beautiful home next to the ocean, where the sun’s rays crawl over the blue ocean dying it a golden colour, its true you may never have a field of dandelion’s that make a sea. But if you’re lucky maybe I can give you a sea that looks like a field of dandelion’s.

Lullaby I love you and I can swear, some days you say:

‘I love you too mommy’  

Visitor in the woods

Lullaby was walking around inside the border; I am amazed at how fast my baby girl is growing. I don’t know what a normal growth is but I don’t think this one is.

The wind blew harshly and it caressed my hair, Lullaby walked up to be and kissed my forehead smiling and laughing. But still she won’t talk; she responds to her name well I call it out ‘Lullaby’ and she runs towards me.

Mr.Sunshine was wandering around outside and so were the masc. Even so without Shady and Trina and Mystery and even Lucas it didn’t feel like home…I didn’t know if I could let Lullaby grow up here, even with the wards she would still wander into slenderman or one of his proxies.

“DeMii” I looked over my shoulder as Brood called my name; he motioned for me to come towards him. “Lullaby mommy will be right back.”

As I stood up Lullaby wanted to follow, she waddled towards me clumsy as can come her dress wavered in the wind showing her socked feet.

“Lullaby mommy will be right back” I whispered patting her head, she blinked looking at me with her soft hazel eyes, she didn’t understand why I was leaving her and she seemed upset by it as she gripped my hand.

“Unn Unn” she said over and over, lullaby never seemed to speak only make noises. Still reluctantly she let go and wandered off.  Within moments after reaching Brood I turned to see someone grab my baby. “Lullaby!” I cried out running towards my child, her long black hair curled in the now spine chilling wind that seemed to sway the trees.

“Yes?” I asked, the wind seemed cooler over here I noticed there was less protection from the haven.

“Its about Lullaby…” I could feel my heart race, in a way it almost sank.

I swallowed and prepared to speak, “Yes? What about Lullaby” I asked curiously.

“Havnt you noticed? Her growth is in a way almost unexplainable, I don’t want to alarm anyone else but it seems abnormal…”

The weirdest part was, I had noticed, I didn’t know what was normal though but thinking about it lullaby was already able to wabble her way around the haven.

I nodded firmly, “yes ive noticed that…” I said a bit unsure still of what Brood was getting at.

“I want to be sure you and her stay safe” “Understood now if you don’t mind I have to go back and make sure she dose not do something that would cause harm.

I turned around to see Lullaby being held by someone at the edge of the ward. “Mommy!” She cried out I couldn’t tell who was with her but it was at the wards edge, I managed to run closer and closer feeling my heart stop entirely.

I remember… that figure. He held out his arms, handing Lullaby back to me, I took Lullaby back into my arms, no struggle could he have been protecting lullaby?

“Mommy!” Lullaby yelled holding onto me tightly I could feel tears streaming down her face. ”Mommy! Scared!” She started crying into my neck.

I couldn’t understand why was he protecting Lullaby? He looked at me then walked off, what was a supposed to say?

I brought Lullaby back into the haven and put her down for a nap

I never wanted lullaby to say the words scared…could I not protect her right, I’m a bad mother I should have brought her with me.

Kitty.

I took Lullaby out for a walk, the air was chilly maybe a bit too much for Lullaby, but we needed to go out. It’s been awhile since Lullaby got fresh air and Doc…. Goddamit is all I can really say. Am I going to make this a drama show on how the father leaves the mother and leaves nothing but for the mother to use her entire life raising the child? No, in fact I’ll raise Lullaby perfectly fine on my own.

Also I want to keep her safe, safe from HIM the slenderman, if I can keep Lullaby safe from even just him im a good mother. No person should have to go through dealing with the slenderman. The being who drove me and her into this madness, proxies, mind controlled beings…this has to stop, we have to beat it for our children or friends our family.

Lullaby made a small noise, not like she was speaking, but she was excited as she pointed towards the ground. I looked down to see what the fuss was about there on the ground was a cat. Lullaby was getting very excited.

A cat? Really? I was more concerned on finding Doc, the problem is I don’t know where to look, I would check his blog but in a way I’m too scared of what I would find. Now that I think of it this whole commotion is my fault and lullaby? Lullaby was looking at me, strictly, unwaveringly in the eyes. “What’s wrong?” I said in my motherly voice, nothing changed, the cat was still there, her eyes never left mine. “Lullaby?”  I didn’t know if it was lack of rest or lack of food but I suddenly became dizzy.

‘down’ I slowly lowered myself to the ground, on my knees holding lullaby. Clenching in pain I heard the childlike voice in my head again ‘kitty’. The cat ran up towards us and rubbed its head against lullaby and she sounded so pleased.

‘kitty…’  Lullaby reach out and petted it. ‘such a pretty kitty’ lullaby was happy the pain ceased and slowly I was able to get up. My baby was starting to get fussy maybe a mixture of the cold and the fact that Lullaby has not been sleeping right I fed her and put her back in her crib.

The only thing I can do to relax myself is read how others are doing, but even that not makes me depressed things have been going things are becoming missing. I heard my pocket watch tick, maybe I could message Lucas tell him how baby Lullaby is, how I am…

Then again, can messages reach heaven?

I don’t think I cried so hard in a long time, one of my close friends has died, this is a world with slenderman after all what else can we expect I won’t be surprised if Lullaby grows up in this world. I want to teach her how to survive, and for god’s sake if I can’t teach her maybe someone else can maybe an Angel.

Goddammit how do I keep my faith like this?! I finally got some sleep and all I can dream about is the snow and an angel holding my Lullaby, Please God don’t take away my Lullaby…..

Shes all I have left.

Lullaby and happiness?

Lullaby was falling asleep, her eyes slowly closing, making small motions with her tiny lips small bubbles forming, her tiny hands reaching around touching my face.

I put her in the crib to sleep, she was so peaceful breathing in softly, her chest moving slowly, its been awhile since ive updated I’m sorry baby lullaby is so quiet it scares me, I sat by her crib rocking it softly.

“Lay down you head and ill sing you a lullaby, and ill sing you to sleep, bless you with love for the road that you go…”

I got up slowly, my white skirt falling to my ankles, I wrapped my black sweater tightly around my bare arms. She really is beautiful Mystery, I wish you could see her so delicate and small, next thing I know im running.

Blindly running, through the woods, the branches ripping at my clothing, at my skin, I can’t even remember from what all I remember is a voice in my head telling me to run.

I remember the ground crunching under me, forming around my foot and how I twisted my ankle and started to fall, my chest hitting the ground so hard I forgot how to breathe.

When I woke up it was pitch black, I was lost, and it was cold. The cold stabbed me on my bare skin over and over and over its knife gliding over me slicing my bare skin.

All I saw was the darkness, all I could think about was lullaby she would be awake by now, probably crying, but that was the odd thing, Lullaby never cried since her birth, now she just watches you almost as if she sees something.

It’s so weird; you could walk by her crib, make the loudest noise, or wake her up and she will just stare at you, never cry never want to be lifted or fed she just stared at you. I think she smiled once, when she saw a kitten….that was the only time.

I managed to wander back, feeling my way throughout the forest, upon my return I stumbled into the bedroom, lullaby turned her head at the sound of my entrance and stared at me she reached her hand out.

She was hungry.